AliceInAspieland wrote:
outofplace wrote:
All the time. I want to run away from all of my responsibilities and my excruciating loneliness. I want to run away from my failure to succeed and my failure to be loved. I want to run away from the things in my mind that I just can't get free of. However, through all of this angst I have to realize that the one thing I want to get away from is the one thing I can't run away from: Myself.
Ditto to the above. It's as though I've typed it myself...
I daydream about having this big adventure. About packing my copy of the Secret Garden, my laptop, some clothes, shoes and then just hopping on a plane somewhere. It's not that I want to abandon or loose touch with my family. I'd most definitely say in contact with my Mum. But I have this urge to just go out and see what's there. Explore, learn, and experience the world in my own strangely mature yet immature way. I want to go to the top of Eiffel Tower and watch the sun set over the streets of Paris. I want to visit Van Gogh's Museum in Amstersdam and let myself become completely overwhelmed by the connection I feel to his art. I want to document all my travels in a journal and with photos of all the touristy places taken in my detail orientated and creative way.
I think for me the idea of running away, the appeal of it is about starting over. It's about perfection, or more to the point the compulsion to try and obtain it. My life isn't perfect, I'm not perfect. I know this, but childishly I sometimes think that if I did run and start over that everything would be perfect. It's like drawing a picture, if you make a mistake you scrunch it up, throw it aside and start again. Life isn't like that. Otherwise I would have probably moved about ten or more times so far...
I have fantasized about doing similar things all my life. My fantasy is the ultimate road trip. I would want to have one other person (preferably a romantic interest) with me to be my "partner in crime", so to speak, and share the experience with me. I would start out at the southernmost point in the continental US in Key West, Florida and end up at the end of the Dalton Highway in Alaska. Along the way, I would visit historic places, national parks and museums. I want to see the Smithsonian the Guggenheim, The Met and others on the journey. I would want to see Mount Rushmore, Yosemite, and Yellowstone too. I want to drive epic roads like The Pacific Coast highway, Route 66 and the Alaska-Canada highway. There is so much I haven't seen in the US that I want to see, not to mention the rest of the world. I hate the fact that I will likely never see most of it in my lifetime because the realities of life and finances make it nearly impossible to do so.
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Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic