8 year old son and possible AS

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Hi,

Im hoping this forum will help me out. Im sure these questions are asked all the time but i don't have much time to filter through the hundreds of posts on here for an answer.

I have an 8 year old son who lives with his mum and comes to stay with me and my partner on a weekly basis. My partner has an 8 year old daughter who is the complete opposite of my son. She is outgoing, 8 going on 16, confident and independant. My son is however is quite introvert, quiet sometimes daydreams quite alot.

I have never seen the way he is as a problem before but because my partners daughter is so different to him my partner thinks my son has problems. She has self diagnosed AS which personally i think is a little of the mark.

My son has a wide group of friends at school and interacts with them well. When they arent fighting, him and my partners daughter play well together and put on little shows for us etc. He enjoys playing with cars (probably his greatest passion) but also reading and especially things like extreme weather and stuiff that would point him in the direction of geography later on in his school life. All in all he has a fairly varied range of interests.
He does have a habit of "tuning out" and often when spoken to is miles away. He is very quietly spoken and not very vocal with his own opinions but he does have them. He has a habit of relying on other people to tell him what to do but his mum (and im not having a dig at her) used to mother him quite alot until quite recently when i started to ask her to let him do things for himself. He struggles with dinner in that it can take him a very long time to eat it thought this is often due to what appears to be simply eating slowly. He sometimes takes instructions literally such as asking him to find something in the hall and he will only search on the floor in the hall indicating his common sense is a little misplaced.

But, he comes across as a quiet 8 year old boy. Possibly the type who would be in the topset at school and not hang out with the cool crowd. Very much like i was i suppose. Because we treat both kids the same at home he has to fit in with our rules and expectations that apply to our daughter which he simply doesnt get at home (in my opinion)

My concern is that my partner seems to have it set in her mind that he has AS but i have spoken to his teacher who certainly doesnt feel i should pursue this route.

Im not expecting a full diagnoses on this forum but maybe some pointers in either direction?

Many Thanks in advance.

Dean

No offence but if you ask someone to look in the hall your not going to look in the bathroom or if you mean anything else is round that he should be looking in sorry, As to the rest of the stuff it might just because he's shy, I would leave him till he’s 12 as that's the time I changed from been outgoing and all that - I was shy and didn't hang around with cool kid's but they is so many other disorders that can make it look like As, if you go along for it you should not just stop at As 1 - 2 hour diagnoses still don't get how they can do it in that fast as it took a year and a half for me...

Let him be don't want to get him stressed - if he has any learning problems you should coach him with extra stuff - also social reading book's and ask how that person would feel like the "boy fell over so books " how's that child feel....

but I would leave it till 12 if he change's allot then it's a sign that it might be... As that is when social stuff tends to be used...

Unless all the other signs are they as in the bad form people can have as school been too much noise should leave it till 12…

Last edited by logitechdog on 21 Dec 2006, 8:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

So why do you REALLY think he has AS? It doesn't sound like he does! I think people with AS TEND to be more introverted, have more of their OWN ideas, and want things more their OWN way.

Some things that make him APPEAR in a way autistic, like the zoning out and quiet demeaner, are generally considered normal for young kids. HECK, he may even kick his legs in a stimming fashion. The GIRL is likely to do that ALSO!

It is NORMAL for a boy to be quiet at times. It is NORMAL for a girl to be chatty at times. Put them together, and the difference can be quite distinct.

He sounds pretty normal to me.

BTW even if I was TOTALLY wrong, what is there to be worried about? AS with all its comorbidity usually rears its ugliest head perhaps as early as 3-4! The worst stuff often improves. So, EVEN AT ITS WORST, it sounds like your son has NOTHING to worry about. If he has dyslexia or discalcula, you probably know by now. If you don't, have him read, and do some math. HECK, have him read a WHOLE book, and do a LOT of math. EITHER way it will help him, and set your mind at ease. If he has either, just have him read MORE books and do MORE math. It WILL get better and, within a year, he could be the best one in class!

The better stuff probably gets worse as you age, but it starts out really nice. That certainly isn't a bad thing in any way.

Steve

Stevek,

Its not so much that im worried for my son but more for the rift it is causing between my partner and I. She seems to be searching for a reason for his quietness and general demeanor. Personally i don't think he demonstrates the symptoms of AS but she is adament that he does. I described his behaviour above as she has described it to me. I see him as someone who is quiet and a little introvert.

Thanks for the advice btw. I realsie that even an assessment with a doctor wouldnt necessarliy point one way or another.

Dean

WOW, your partner doesn't sound very reasonable. She should be HAPPY! His demeaner sounds like it means less stress for her, and more time for you guys. AS people are smarter than others in most things as a group.

If your son has no other problems, and you make it sound like he doesn't, and gets along ok socially, you should be proud, not worried.

You can take him to a psychiatrist, but don't be surprised if s/he says he is TOO social and doesn't have enough interest in his topics to be a candidate. ALSO, if he hit all the birth-2 milestones on time, not too early or too late, he is a bad candidate. The social differences WILL become more apparant later, if at all, so it IS too early to say there. ALSO, the stimming is generally NORMAL for kids his age, so THAT isn't an indicator either. As I said, your partners daughter may ALSO do it! HEY, have you ever been to an event where they were sitting o something kind of high up, and basically kicking their legs(Swinging might be a better description, but could be misleading)? That apparantly IS an autistic symptom. BUT, kids do it also.

As for other autistic symptoms? MOST your son is probably too old to have if he is normal. Many autistic people don't have them either, ESPECIALLY AS people. BUT, if your son had them, I'm sure you would have mentioned them.

SO, as the song says "Don't worry, be happy!"

Steve

Thanks Steve your advice has been very well recieved

Dean

Thanks Steve your advice has been very well recieved

Dean

how bad is his hand eye coordiantion and coordination as these could give me a bit more of a rough idea of what he does have

That's a good point. I didn't think about that aspect. Have you tried playing catch with him? Apparantly, there IS some tie there. I am GREAT with POOL, OK with darts, etc... As for CATCH? FORGET IT! It might be simply because everything else is on MY terms! A few microseconds delay won't make ANY difference. With CATCH, it is different. Remember to take his age and experience into account though.

OK, so I covered language, general overall development, behaviour, quirks, and abilities.

Solid is covering coordination which apparantly has SOME tie into how his social skills will develop later.

BTW while we are at it, does he have any hyper or hypo sensitivities to touch, light, sound, or temperature?

I'm STILL betting he is 100% normal though.

Steve

I would agree with the "not Aspie" opinion, as well. He sounds like a good kid, though; some people are just introverted, and there's nothing wrong with that. He interacts well with friends, and that's the biggest indication to me that he doesn't have any nonverbal communication problems. You also haven't mentioned any obsessions; so I'll assume he doesn't have those either; but his interests, while widely spread, seem to be of the sort a young Aspie would enjoy.

So he might have a few Aspie traits; but he's not diagnosable as AS. What he does have is an "ultra-NT" sister. What I mean by that is that his sister is extroverted, with a social focus and a lot of skill in interaction--the social equivalent of a young Einstein. By comparison, this quiet, introverted boy probably does look a little like an Aspie.

Here's a suggestion, though: You say he's quiet, but that he often seems to be zoned out and not paying attention. Is it possible that he has some form of inattentive-type ADHD? This is quite common and can usually be treated (with or without medication to help) by training the child to process only the most relevant information in a more efficient manner. It's theorized that ADHD is either a part of, or an offshoot from, the autism spectrum; so that Aspies are often misdiagnosed as ADHD, and vice versa.

Maybe what is going on is some combination of introversion and inattentive ADHD? He sounds like a very talented boy; such talents are commonly present with both ADHD and Asperger's, though of course they can be present in someone without either one.

with regards to his hand to eye co-ordination he is not going to be the worlds best rugby or cricket player but he is no worse than his step sister. he lacks confidence in him self in other areas especially anything new to him. but once he gets stuck in he is fine. things like ridign a bike and swimming. i see this as a confidence issue. my partner sees it as a symptom of AS.

In relation to his senses i would say he is quite sensitive to heat. But then i am as well. my partner will have the shower on a setting of nine which to me feels like it will strip my skin off. she doesnt understand why both myself and my son can't tolerate it.

he has developed at the smae speed as all other children that have surrounded him although he is in the upper levels of intteligence for his age.

He doesnt really have any quirks though i did notice recently that he seems to nervously fiddle with his fingers and what one hand is doing is mirrored on the other.

My son is 6 and has diagnosed AS - I agree with the gist of most of these posts; your son does sound like an introvered NT. Here's something to think back on, though - while he was learning to speak did he have the habit of repeating what was said to him or repeating himself a lot? Also, has he usually been able to stay on topic during conversations that other people start? A lot of kids echo when learning to speak, but for our son it was extreme - some of our biggest clues in getting him diagnosed were his social speech and speech processing issues. I don't get the feeling from your posts that these things have been issues for your boy, but I thought I'd ask because they can be another clue.

Upper level for his age is good, but STILL not that extraordinary. Figiting with his fingers isn't that unusual either. Maybe your partner feels uneasy that he is so bright, and is trying to explain it away. Anyway, I would say you are getting some good advice here. If he flunks in all aeas but those that can be explained away by age and experience, it is pretty clear he doesn't have AS.

As for riding a bike? You WILL have to kind of get him started, and build his confidence. That seems to be the NORM! An he will have to get used to kicking off while peddling. Once I got that down, I was doing fine, never looked back! It didn't take long either. I doubt that is really a good tests for determining if he is an aspie.

Steve

Actually in some cases the fact that the child takes to it immediately is more telling I think.

I still have no explaination for how I learned to ride a bicycle. No one ever took the time to teach me I just watched my sister ride one and trial and errored it without even thinking to ask for help. Had it down pat by the end of the day.

Not really - might just be coz there got good balance or something....

If you take the time anyone can learn how to do something by themselves - it depends how patient they are - the only limit's is your ability to understand - and any other problem's that can be making more harder for you - or something you have not been diagnosed for... I know I have very bad balance if I close my eyes tilt my head back and lift my foot like you do in the American thingy drunk driver tests... And if they fail they keep trying till success…

People learn at different speed's can't stick it down to might be....

True but the point I was trying to make really was that I didnt want to be taught I didnt want to interact with someone and try to understand their explainations.

It was easier and less painful to figure it out myself even with the scrapes and bruises.