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Mirror21
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05 Dec 2012, 12:48 am

When I go shopping with my gf and my roommates I tend to wander, a lot. Sometimes they feel that I get "bored" or rudely stop paying attention to them when we stop at an isle to look at products. But unless we stop at the art supply isle, for example, or the books or colorful toys and fabrics I start to . . . wander. I see an item the next isle over (like a rubber ball or a hoola hoop or a pack of markers) and I start. . . going that way. I want to SEE the item and examine it and next thing I know i picked up thirteen other items five isles down and my friends are calling me to come back or asking me where I went.

It is not severe enough to like, put me in jeopardy. But I think I do it, a lot. I get so easily distracted. I get told often that I simply do not care about anything else except what I want. (What I want to do, what I want to see, what I want to talk about) and I have tried really hard to curb that, but it is DIFFICULT to not get bored talking about things that I cannot connect with my intersts, or standing still on an isle in a store for like 15 minutes discussing a product.

I want my household to feel I want to be involved in household activities or in things and events that concern and involve all of us, but sometimes its super hard.

Any thoughts?



EstherJ
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05 Dec 2012, 12:53 am

Woah.
I don't know how to help you....but I just realized that I do the same thing.

I have sort of a "distance" agreement with my family - they give me my space but they know that I care about them.

Maybe that could help you?



laserwater
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05 Dec 2012, 1:35 am

EstherJ wrote:
Woah.
I don't know how to help you....but I just realized that I do the same thing.

I have sort of a "distance" agreement with my family - they give me my space but they know that I care about them.

Maybe that could help you?

I have the same kind of agreement. I don't like to sit on the same couch as them. Or eat at the same table. Sometimes I will though so they dont' feel bad, but they usually leave me to my own space. They understand it just makes me feel awkward, but not like I don't like them.

I don't really wander in stores, because I'm afraid of getting lost. But I touch a lot of the stuff on the shelves and I get "called out on" that.


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05 Dec 2012, 1:44 am

Apparently shopping is a social activity with others whereby you are supposed to be interested in what they are purchasing and help them weigh up the pros and cons of different items to help them choose by giving feedback on whether something fits well, is fashionable, is a reasonable price etc.

The way I prefer to shop when with others - all split off in different directions and get what you have to get as quickly as possible then regroup and get the hell out. I usually have a limit of approximately 1 hour before I start to loose it when shopping.

I have offended several people by insisting on shopping in my way rather than their way.
I dont shop with others anymore except my daughter - who I will put up with anything for.


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05 Dec 2012, 2:11 am

I was wandering all over the mall today. My mom is used to it. I prefer not to shop in front of people because I don't want to be judged for my choices before I have even made them! I also wander off to the bathroom a lot because I have to go urgently very often and don't have the time to wait for a break in the conversation to let people know that I am headed to the bathroom for the 5th time. They know that's where I am going anyways.


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Mirror21
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05 Dec 2012, 2:52 am

Sharkgirl wrote:
Apparently shopping is a social activity with others whereby you are supposed to be interested in what they are purchasing and help them weigh up the pros and cons of different items to help them choose by giving feedback on whether something fits well, is fashionable, is a reasonable price etc.


I am really bad at giving opinions of that sort and my household thinks that I seem to burden them with choices all the time because I do not make them. Oh well. I just HAVE to look at things, especially things I relate to and I suck at small talk anyways.



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05 Dec 2012, 2:58 am

Yeah, I do this to, except it's more deliberate, I'm aware that I'm walking away and leaving the person there, but I only do it if they're not trying to engage my attention in some way at the time. I only do it in single shops, not malls; I have an abysmal sense of direction and would get horribly lost if not contained to a single building. I never really thought it was odd, but I guess I'm not the best person to judge normalcy.


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05 Dec 2012, 3:49 am

I prefer to go off alone during shopping expeditions.

Admittedly, I prefer not to go on shopping expeditions in the first place.



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05 Dec 2012, 7:46 am

I'm 22yro and I wander a lot
I have got into a lot of trouble at work, I'm lucky that my manager has a son with aspergers and she recognized it straight away.
I find it very difficult to concentrate and that's probably not going to change



Entek
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05 Dec 2012, 8:55 am

Defo can relate - sit on my own on couches etc. Wandering - eek - try to stop doing it now as i panic when i realise the person i came here with has gone and i cant find them.
I remember going to our local library once - well, that was the plan anyway - 3 hours later im sitting by the river eating sausage rolls taking pictures of ducks. Its amazing how much distraction and "ooh whats that over there!" can do to your self control and concentration levels. Ive never been back to teh library since. That was 16 years ago.
Nowadays i write where im going on my hand so i can keep reminding myself where im going.



Mindsigh
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05 Dec 2012, 8:59 am

Mirror21 wrote:
When I go shopping with my gf and my roommates I tend to wander, a lot...unless we stop at the art supply isle, for example, or the books or colorful toys and fabrics I start to . . . wander. I see an item the next isle over (like a rubber ball or a hoola hoop or a pack of markers) and I start. . . going that way. I want to SEE the item and examine it and next thing I know i picked up thirteen other items five isles down and my friends are calling me to come back or asking me where I went.

It is not severe enough to like, put me in jeopardy. But I think I do it, a lot. I get so easily distracted. I get told often that I simply do not care about anything else except what I want. (What I want to do, what I want to see, what I want to talk about) and I have tried really hard to curb that, but it is DIFFICULT to not get bored talking about things that I cannot connect with my intersts, or standing still on an isle in a store for like 15 minutes discussing a product.

I want my household to feel I want to be involved in household activities or in things and events that concern and involve all of us, but sometimes its super hard.

Any thoughts?


This is why I'd rather go alone. Sometimes it bothers me not to have somebody to laugh with if I see some really tacky clothes or to have somebody with more fashion sense than I do to suggest things, but I can linger as long as I want and leave when I've had enough.


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Callista
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05 Dec 2012, 10:32 am

Yeah, I get that. I wonder if you could be the one pushing the shopping cart? That way you would have to stay with the group, or at least would have to leave the cart or push it with you, which is an extra step to get you to think, "Hey, wait a minute, is this the way I should be going right now?"

Or you could get a family member to pull you back when you get distracted. But try the cart thing first; it doesn't depend on another person paying attention.


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05 Dec 2012, 12:19 pm

I have only been to the shops with friends once many moons ago and I hated it! I only go with my carer now and it is their job to follow me and make sure I am not destroying things (due to Tourettes!) or running off! Some of them do their own shopping though without asking me and I will walk off on purpose then to give them a scare!


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MasterGamer
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05 Dec 2012, 2:11 pm

Mindsigh wrote:
Mirror21 wrote:
When I go shopping with my gf and my roommates I tend to wander, a lot...unless we stop at the art supply isle, for example, or the books or colorful toys and fabrics I start to . . . wander. I see an item the next isle over (like a rubber ball or a hoola hoop or a pack of markers) and I start. . . going that way. I want to SEE the item and examine it and next thing I know i picked up thirteen other items five isles down and my friends are calling me to come back or asking me where I went.

It is not severe enough to like, put me in jeopardy. But I think I do it, a lot. I get so easily distracted. I get told often that I simply do not care about anything else except what I want. (What I want to do, what I want to see, what I want to talk about) and I have tried really hard to curb that, but it is DIFFICULT to not get bored talking about things that I cannot connect with my intersts, or standing still on an isle in a store for like 15 minutes discussing a product.

I want my household to feel I want to be involved in household activities or in things and events that concern and involve all of us, but sometimes its super hard.

Any thoughts?


This is why I'd rather go alone. Sometimes it bothers me not to have somebody to laugh with if I see some really tacky clothes or to have somebody with more fashion sense than I do to suggest things, but I can linger as long as I want and leave when I've had enough.


Same here. I prefer to go shopping alone so I can do things at my own pace. I just hate having to constantly check my watch all the time because my ride is coming in an hour.

I wander off in shops too. I can usually find my way well enough if I know the place.

It's annoying when the stores have the Video Games in the glass display things so I can't pick them up and read the description on the back, unless I want to buy it. :/



ScottyN
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05 Dec 2012, 3:07 pm

I wander off alone, and not just when I am shopping. I like the solitude and peace that wandering around gives me.



Mirror21
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05 Dec 2012, 4:27 pm

Callista wrote:
Yeah, I get that. I wonder if you could be the one pushing the shopping cart? That way you would have to stay with the group, or at least would have to leave the cart or push it with you, which is an extra step to get you to think, "Hey, wait a minute, is this the way I should be going right now?"

Or you could get a family member to pull you back when you get distracted. But try the cart thing first; it doesn't depend on another person paying attention.


thats not a bad idea, though they usually dont let me because i bump into people. I can try it tho and show them I can pay attention to foot traffic inside the store.