Have you been asked to explain yourself all your life?

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This is how I feel. As long as I can remember people have required me to explain why I can't do/haven't done/don't do certain things, why I do/have done other things, why I need certain things, why I'm freaked out by stuff etc. I could never explain myself. I didn't know why I couldn't just do my homework. I didn't know why I couldn't learn in certain environments and in certain styles. I didn't know why I was obsessed with things and why I spent hours and hours studying and contemplating the object/subject of my obsessions. I didn't know why I didn't like going to parties. I didn't know why I found things stressful that others don't even think about. I didn't know why I wanted to wear different kinds of clothes to others of my age. I didn't know why I didn't feel comfortable doing the stuff that normal people do. Now it turns out that AS is kind of the answer to most of these questions but it's not one that you can just say to people, is it? At least AS explains it to me, myself, which is an improvement.

D'you know what I mean?

People who get to know me more personally sometimes have these questions. Although I can be a pretty distant person at times. I suppose the answer is yes to the above question.

I figure, "It's just the way I am." is all the answer that is needed.

This works doubly well if in previous encounters, you have been accused of "thinking too much".

They do all kinds of things without really giving it much thought, why is it, that your actions had to come from a long series of decisions of which all you were completely aware of.

Ask them why they always put on their pants with one leg first, and never the other. They'll likely give you a weird look, but if they think about it (this part is extremely questionable), I bet they're going to realize that "you're right", and "they do".


Or, if you don't want to bother with all that, tell them that it's a good thing that they aren't perusing careers in Quantum Physics, because it's very nature too would piss them off. (It also nicely evades having to answer a question that they probably aren't even really interested in, so much as they're probably just making a verbal attack)


The non confrontational way out of things, is to just say, "Yeah, it's just my nature."

..."Thinking too much", yes I've been accused of that too, and I always wondered how is it possible to think too much until I realised that not everyone performs endless cogitations on minutiae as I do. It made me wonder if there are people who don't think at all, apart from the basics of what am I doing today, what I'm having for lunch, type of thing.

Another reply if people ask you to explain yourself is 'well, we're all different aren't we?'

I'm quite the same in terms of people asking questions about why I do things and so forth, but I see myself as quite a reason based person so I tried (and still do) to base my thoughts of my own actions on achieving an aim, whatever that aim may be.

For instance, when I used to get drunk I would move my head in a loop which was an obsessive movement and had to do with me trying to fit as much of a "view" into my field of vision. Now explaning this as "I have to do it because it's what my mind wants" doesnt really give that good an explanation to someone who does not share the similar characteristics of obsessive movements, but to explain it as "My mind has a nagging need to see as much as a view of what's around me, and this way I can move fast enough for my mind to absorb a large area that is larger than my field of vision but because I'm drunk the memory it leaves is an image of one large sight, not a moving image, o a series of images."
Now that is about as far into the subject I would go with most people as I dont want to try and explain my own mind (in a complete sense) to another person who I do not consider to be able to understand it. But as that is quite deep enough for most people they will either gain some type of understanding or they will just say "oohh" or something similar to make it appear as they understand. Of which either will put the matter to rest.

In a short version (lol if you've read this far to come to a short version:lol:) I see it as explaning atleast a couple of sets within a set, that way most people understand whatever it may be to a depth that they are happy with.


I hope that made sense.

OH YEAH!! !! ALL THE TIME!

At my last job, a coworker asked me things like:

How can you stand this?(Referring to constantly being on the road, away from home, etc....)
Why do you know so much?
How come YOU know all these words, and nobody else does?(He tried to confound everyone with archane words)
Where did you learn all this stuff?

Of course, My mother asked questions like?

Why can't you just accept it?
Why can't you take this?
How did you get to be so smart?

Others I know ask like?

Why don't you like sports?
Why won't you play?
Why don't you want to come?
Why are you so picky?
How come you know so much?

Schools DID ask?

Why won't you do your homework?
Why do you do so well on tests, when you don't do homework?(That was when I was at my best. 8-()
Why are you so preoccupied?
Why didn't you remember the assignment?
Why don't you want to play?
Why don't you like sports?
Why do you keep saying the lights are blinking?
What noise?

Steve

I think Xuincherguixe is correct.People dont ask "WHY" because they actually want to understand you but to question the validity of your reality and as a sort of sideways insult.

I think the why is really saying......

"your reality is beyond any logical reasoning"
"You are not really feeling what you say you are feeling"
"Quit doing/thinking/feeling that...it bothers me"
"give me an answer so I can tell you why you are wrong to do/feel/think that way"

In other words,I think the question is often a form of passive aggression.However,since I enjoy analyzing everything....I will give it a lot of thought and come up with some possible hypothesis even though I know they dont really care.....I guess thats my form of passive aggression...

I'm so reassured that others here have, or have had, trouble with getting homework done. Last year at college, one of my english teachers (I have two) insisted that I would do terribly in exams, based on the fact that I could never get my homework done, or done on time. (Sometimes I'd do it, but it'd be very late.) The other, who took the time to talk to students and figure out how much they knew and how their brains worked, said that I'd do very well, and I did. Ironically, I did actually try harder to get homework done for that teacher.

And yeah, I do find myself wondering how to explain myself, all the time. I feel a bit guilty putting it down to AS, and almost constantly worry when mentioning it that the person I'm talking to (or others who overhear it) won't believe me. Mostly that's when I notice myself being possibly different, though - for the most part people don't ask me why I am the way I am.

If you ask them to explain theirselves, they are likely to start swinging fists.

This kind of question is asked mostly to make the questioned one uncomfortable, not because the asker is interested in the answer. It is usually the beginning of a fight, that the questioner hopes will be one-sided, and if it isn't, the one who started it will throw in everything it takes to make sure that he or she wins.

Krex,

I am lucky in that most questions I am asked of this nature can't be perceived as an insult. I am SHOCKED that that guy was SO curious because of a few words, but he WAS. As for the question about tolerating, etc... He told me he can't, and is thinking of quiting. It isn't that unusual. If I had a big social life, etc... There is NO way I would do what I am doing.

Steve

Yes, all the time! Usually phrased as "why aren't you/can't you be like wveryone else? Why are yopu so weird?" or words to that effect. Other variationsd on the theme include;

(If use long words) -"What did you eat for breakfast? A dictionary?"
(If annoyed at me.) Well, *I* don't do thinks like that!"
"Why can't you just do what everyone else is? You're bloody awkward!"

Et cetera......

JulieArticuno

I usually just shrug my shoulder and mumble "I don't know; is there a specific answer you're looking for?" That stumps the person asking me the question, often giving me same "I don't know" look.

Doing homework/academics was mostly easy for me, but the "simple" behavior of eating "normal" food "normally" was beyond my grasp. Whole life I've had to be defensive about my food choices, bc. they made no sense to others-if people had laid off me I might have discovered (and been able to admit) how much of a problem eating is for me. Am not anorexic, bulemic, nor do I have pica-my problem doesn't fit into those preset categories, but those were the only labels to choose from until recently. Finally have some vindication with the ASD dx because it's led to me to learning about sensory "disorders", which is preferable reason compared to flat-out blame & guilt I'd been subjected to previously.

Had been told by teachers that I overthink things & make them harder than they were. How bizarre is that ? If it were easy (to me) I wouldn't HAVE to overthink it, now would I ? (I'm not being sarcastic towards the poster above, but at people in my past who said I was thinking too much). Amazes me that so many people seem not to need to analyze stuff, they "function well" w/o having to examine life & their place in it constantly.

QFT.

I get the same questions all the time and it goes beyond the assumption 'this person has never met an adult with autism before' - because I'm happy to explain the basic idea . . . it then gets really personal like 'Why don't you date?' or something . . .
The other problem that I have is that people don't realize that I have a processing delay (because I'm pretty good at doing filler conversation until I figure out what to say) but I can say 'Autistics frequently have sensory problems . . . that is why I wear these blue glasses' and then they will say 'Give me a specific example . . .' and it is like someone switched my brain off . . .
Oh - and then this is my favorite - you go on about some example of a phobia or a OCD ritual or something or, for me, my biggest sensory issue is my vision - so I'll mention something about that and people will say (I bet you can fill in from here)
WELL - THAT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE!

Then they wonder why I only talk in single words or just stare at them the rest of the time I am forced to deal with them . . .

Throughout my life their curiosity has often entered the realm of the existential: why was/am I even here?

Anytime they simply asked why I was different (to put it very mildly), I always felt like I was being let off pretty easy.

They're RIGHT! Just tell them the TRUTH!! !

"You're RIGHT, but if 100 people feel the same way, and 99% know what they are talking about, it is no big deal! If only one complains, and nobody else can see it, they think s/he is NUTS! Besides, you aren't going to do something if it bothers YOU, so most other people won't be bothered either."!

Steve

Last edited by SteveK on 23 Dec 2006, 6:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.