Im a Key worker (carer) to a child who has Autism.

Post Reply New Topic

I am new to this site and find everything amazing. I could do with some help and reasons on some of the behaviours i see on a daily basis.

- Hand flaps (twiddle as we call it) with his hands or peices of paper all the time, what are the consequences of us stopping him from hand flapping? how does it make him feel?

- Loves painting and wants to do it all the time. just loves mixing all the paints together. why is this? the feeling of the brush on paper? all the colours?

- bites himself and others when has the chance. is this some form or sensory urge he gets? how do we stop/prevent this from happening?

- does not like lots of noise and can sometimes show violent behaviours when there too much going on. im guessing this is sensory overload. Any ideas to prevent this?

I'm curious as to why you would want to stop him hand flapping? As long as he's not hurting anyone it ought not to be a problem, it probably helps him diffuse anxiety, or is pleasurable for him.

The mixing paints, not sure, but it could just be the product of an enquiring mind wanting to know how things work and what results he can get. If he is doing it repetitively then this is part of his behavioural traits. If it's getting in the way of other activities, perhaps there is a way of distracting him successfully that you can work out.

Biting, if he is hyposensitive he could be trying to find stimulation, biting others possibly is an extension of that, if he doesn't particularly hurt himself he can't understand why it would hurt others. Not sure how you can stop him doing that, hopefully others will have good ideas. Maybe if you have Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS) cards you could illustrate 'ouch' to him if he bites others.

The noise problems, does he not have earplugs? You can get mouldable silicon earplugs for children. Do you have a quiet area or room for him to spend time in when he is feeling overloaded?

Hi Demain,

Thank you for taking the initiative to come and ask autistic people about these things - I would love to see more carers/clinicians doing that!

Most of what you describe is about stimulation issues. As you already know, autistic people suffer from overstimulation a lot, especially where things like lights and noise are concerned, because we don't possess the filter for these things that neurotypical people do. This can be very distressing and can cause the outbursts (here we usually call them meltdowns) you describe. It is an issue of physical brain wiring so unfortunately the only thing you can do to reduce his overstimulation from noise is keep him somewhere quiet wherever possible. When it isn't, try to be aware of what he is experiencing and whether he might be experiencing overstimulation, and take him somewhere quiet by himself for a few minutes when necessary. Be careful about keeping him in a noisy and stimulating environment, such as around lots of other children, for long periods of time without a break. I don't know how old this child is or how verbal he is, but in my case (I am an adult with high-functioning autism) when I begin to become overstimulated I tend to stop speaking very much, begin to look blank or confused, and not be able to think or act with as much clarity as normal. You might find that if you carefully watch him and his reactions you are able to notice when he is becoming overloaded. In my own case I respond by doing whatever I can to remove myself from the environment for a while. For example, I might retire to the bathroom and just close my eyes and put my hands over my ears and take some deep breaths for a few minutes. This rest period allows my brain to recover a bit from the battering it is taking. Because he doesn't have the self-awareness to do this for himself, you will need to be able to notice and do things like this for him.

The flip side of experiencing stimuli so potently is that, as well as some kinds of stimulation being uncomfortable or distressing, some kinds are also very pleasurable or relaxing. His love for painting might be about the colours, the movement of the brush or both. I am an artist, and among the reasons for that are that I love both of those things! Hand flapping is often something autistic people do when they are happy or excited. Rhythmic movements are often something we find soothing and relaxing, which may be because it introduces some order and regularity, as we tend to experience life and our environment as very chaotic. I agree with whirlingmind - I would suggest not stopping him because this behaviour is probably reassuring for him and he may find that upsetting. If it is causing problems, you may be able to encourage him to do it when it is more appropriate (such as when alone or with carers, rather than in social situations).

I don't know about the biting - it may be a sensory urge. Perhaps someone who works with children more will be able to offer you some suggestions about that.

Good luck with your work.

There are toys you can get, which he can bite on instead. I have 2 chewable dog tags (these are safe to chew and contain nothing toxic0 that I use.

With him being a looked after child i cannot give too much information away. He is 13 and uses PECS with very little verbal communication skills. He is at the point in his life where I'm trying to promote independence and life skills. This is difficult because of his constant hand flapping.
He doesn't understand why he needs to wash, brush his teeth ect... He would much rather hand flap. It is hard for him to express what and how he is feeling.

I am on the high functioning end, but like biting.

It is the sensation of biting, for me it is the sensation in my teeth (well, no nerves there, so it must be the resistance offered by skin). Normally I just bite my own skin (thumb mostly) but there are a few special occasions where I enjoy biting people - not to hurt them off course (not going into whom and where in this post). I have not considered something else to bite in, for me it is not a problem as it is.

I only rarely hand-flap (I stopped all the stims I felt made me look "ret*d" when I was a young kid, even though I still find them very soothing and occasionally break into them when I'm stressed or not paying attention)

it probably makes him feel a bit like there's an itch that he can't scratch. I lost one of my stim-toys when I was 12 or so. 10 years later I still got urges to play with it, so I looked up this defunct mexican toy company and found someone online who still sells them. I'm tempted to buy several dozen of them and keep them in a safe deposit box or something but I'm stopping myself, because being kept from stimming in the way I want to is extremely unnerving.

I would guess it's feeling with the paint, but I'm not remotely artistic. I enjoy painting walls because people are nice and happy when you do it for them (most people don't like to paint walls, or need help because they are large) and because of the repetitive and tactile nature of the process.

haha, my brother was nicknamed "jaws" in the church nursery. I'm not sure why this happens but I still have (less weirdly) channeled oral things like using large bowls of popcorn as a stim, smoking (I bought a nicotine-free, vapor pipe because I've always loved watching smoke and having something in my mouth but hate the way real smoking smells, also health concerns etc) - maybe if you gave him something like a jolly rancher or something? as noted above there are socially adaptive ways to bite others...but they aren't child appropriate and probably aren't what you want to hear about on this thread.

the noise thing I definitely get. I'm a very calm, passive person who can often let others run over me, but intrusive noise drives me absolutely crazy to the point I'm willing to try and hurt people. (erm, spent some time with Santeria practitioners when I lived in NYC. I don't hit people but symbolic actions that I happen to believe can harm them are somewhat cathartic even if it's all in my head, which I'm sure many would argue.)

if he doesn't like noise, get him a white noise generator or a fan, an mp3 player with good headphones with a 20 minute rainstorm recording on it or something, or keep him out of situations that are going to be noisy. I have tolerated a hell of a lot in my lifetime, but dubstep vs rap battles in my dorm while I'm trying to sleep (or at least lay under a blanket and stop being overstimmed) drove me to the edge and may have had something to do with me dropping out of school this semester, frankly. when I was still at school I would take 4 or 5 showers a day just because of the white noise and because it was a place I could rock back and forth in private and feel the warm water pulsing from one side of my body to the other. I did that often in response to noise. white noise is hugely preferable to unwanted audio intrusion.

Hi, Demain, welcome to Wrong Planet. Um, since my answers are all based on my own experiences, they might be politically incorrect because I'm not representing the AS community.

1. I'm not very sure what you mean by "hand flapping", so I assume that it is some form of stimming. I used to stim quite often by shaking both legs. I'm glad that my parents have corrected my stimming by pointing out to me that "shaking legs" is socially unacceptable.

2. Wait, many NT kids enjoy painting too. I know one particular comics artist who told his interviewer that when he was still a toddler, his parents decided to nurture his interest in the arts when they saw how he doodled all over the walls. Kids (whether they are NTs or not doesn't matter) enjoy painting because they view painting as a form of self-expression.

3. Yes, I agree with you that biting must be stopped at all costs. Aspies need firm discipline rather than pampering. I used to bite other kids because I was often tongue-tied so I didn't know how to react to them when they provoked me. You should emphasize the idea that even if one doesn't harbor any ill intentions, any violent act (e.g. biting) is a morally wrong act. Besides, if you bite too hard, the resulting wound might get infected.

4. Yes, dear, I realized that I often lost my temper as a kid because I couldn't cope with all those noises that surrounded me. I have learnt to distract myself from noise resulting from fellow commuters' conversations by burying my nose in a book whenever I'm on a bus or train. Whenever I go to a shopping mall (usually very noisy), I don't linger around. I just buy whatever things I want before heading home. Yup, this is how I cope with noise.

I thought it was socially acceptable? So you don't stim anymore? or did you convert the leg shaking to another stim? I find it hard to believe you stopped just because they told you. It's almost unconscious for me and I usually don't notice I do it.

As for the questions:

1. Don't stop. I find it annoying when people try to stop something I hardly notice I'm doing. If it's problematic (he hits things hand flappin, etc) I would recommend trying to switch his stim. My stims have always been more common things (leg shaking, tapping, and sometimes swaying) so people don't notice it as much and it doesn't hurt anyone.

2. I have an on/off biting my shirt problem. It's the pressure on the teeth and the texture of the shirt I enjoy. I also chew pens until they break. I've gotten rid of these stims but they come back occasionally. I also really enjoy doing what I call "leaching" onto someone's arm. I don't bit down, but I wrap my mouth around my arm and suck slightly, sometimes I'll do it to a siblings if we're fighting and they bite me first. I love how it feels. But I know its bad so I try to not do it, and if I do, not to hard. Gum does NOT work as a replacement. Chewing toys might but my parents think its silly (they don't know about my suspicions of AS).

3. That is sensory overload. He should have a place were he can ALWAYS retreat to when it's too load. But at the same time he shouldn't use it as an escape. So it should just be somewhere quiet where he can sit until he feels okay. Ear plugs are also an option... Or some music. But for example, depending on how overloaded I am, I can't stand ANY noise. I remember in school asking to go to the bathroom or being the first to volunteer to do something outside the room to take a quiet walk.

It sounds like him not wanting to do hygiene tasks is the problem, and not the hand flapping. He just happens to hand flap a lot, and probably does so while refusing hygiene tasks.

Hate to break it to you, but it's possible that the defiance is just that, teenaged defiance. Because you can't give out information, I'm going to have to assume that's the case, and tell you that this is a very common problem among most teenagers.

Teeth definitely have nerves. It's why toothaches hurt so much.

Heh, sure--he could be being a brat. But don't assume that as the default.

Besides, in the end, the goal is to find him a way to successfully take care of himself. If he's refusing, it won't hurt him if you make it simpler for him to do something that's probably unpleasant for him. For an autistic kid to refuse to do something may well be just their being contrary, but think about why people refuse to do something they're capable of doing: It's hard, it's boring, it's unpleasant. If you make it less hard, boring, or unpleasant by adapting it more closely to his skill set, then he has less reason to become annoyed with it and less reason to refuse to do it. Long-term, people have to learn how to get themselves to do things they don't want to do; being forced to do things by other people doesn't teach you how to organize your own behavior.

I don't like taking showers and when I was a teen I used to have to be forced to take them at least every few days, but now I take showers every day. The only reason I take them is that I also don't like being dirty. I've learned to make myself take them whether I really want to or not. One of the tricks I used was to try to make it a little more pleasant for myself--to use shampoo that didn't have any strong fragrance, and to use a hand-held shower attachment that didn't sting or tickle. I also cut my hair very short so that I don't have to worry too much about drying wet hair or combing it out, and I use my hair dryer to dry the uncomfortable dampness off my skin after I've finished with the towel.

Sometimes little things like that can really help. You don't have to do things the typical way. The better you know yourself, the more ideas you'll have for making things easier. One of the biggest mistakes professionals make is to assume that the best way for a non-autistic person to do something will also be the best way for an autistic person to do that thing. But that's not so. Even if you can learn to do things the typical way, sometimes there's a way that's better for you, because you are different, and will work better for you, be faster or easier or just less unpleasant. That's one of the important things I wish I could tell every autistic person: Do things the way that's natural for you, and don't be ashamed to do them that way.

Take it slowly. You cant make a man out of him just cause you decide now is the time.
I would suggest thinking outside the box. I was fortunate to have enchanted gardens, wild urban animals, and beautiful treed parks to soothe my spirits and help guide my life.
His may be a dog, or a place too.
I have no experience in stopping stimming, but the consensus appears to let it continue if the stimmer is not wishing to stop.

Telling someone not to do something for no apparent reason tends to frustrate them! Especially because the reason is "because it's weird" and they obviously can't see that!


Show him how to use hearing protection-it changed my world.

Sorry, I have no idea about the biting. And about the paints? He probably wants black.

It makes him feel good. If you manage to stop the flapping he will find something else. The kid will be autistic whether he flaps his hands or not.Question is do you think he will pass as normal if he doesn't flap?


Could be a number of thing. Can you direct the painting into something productive?


Another thing that can feel good. Sensory problems can be both hyper and hypo sensitivity. Some things that most people would consider painful or unpleasant feel good to me. For example, brushing my palms with a steel wire brush. Biting feels good too sometimes to deaden other sensory input.


I can totally relate to becoming violent over noise. I can't block it out and it just builds until I can't think anymore. The best way to deal with it is get the kid out of that environment. You can also use earplug which work great but have the obvious downside of deadening ALL sound. At home I would recommend trying a white noise device to see if it helps him. If it does it's better than making him wear earplugs all day. One strange thing that I've found works for me is turning on the central ac/heater. The noise it makes deadens every other noise.

Hand flapping, that depends on why you want him to stop, i mean if he does it almost all the time then it might be a problem or if he hits things while doing it etc, either way i don't think he would be very excited when you try to make him stop, but ofcourse the reason why you want him to stop is very important too, if you just want him to be normal, then tough luck, nobody is normal and he has autism so yeah :/

I don't know about the paint but it could just be fun for him, i had fun when i mixed paint, when i was younger i was painting all the time.

The biting, i don't know how to stop that, i've always had that urge myself too, especially when i find someone really nice and when i feel a lot of affection towards them like with my little sister, i just refrain from doing it, you should ask an expert on how to correct the biting, that's all the advice i can offer :o

For the noise, yes that's a sensory overload, i have it too and i live in a very noisy enviroment but over the years i've adapted more but i don't reccomend living in noise for about 10 years, earplugs help a lot, so can music, or just a place where its quiet, it also depends on how high functioning he is, i can hold out pretty long and not have any violent behaviour even afterwards but if i overload far enough i can't even think properly or straight and get really sad, so i just break down but it takes a lot for that to happen. Anti psychotic medicine can help too, but that depends on which kind and what works for him, i'm not a pharmacist but meds have helped me a lot, i hope this helps a bit :o

Oh and welcome to the forum :)