do you think parties are torture?

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As many have said, it depends on the party.

Contrary to what most say, though, I've learned that small parties are actually the worst for me. You see, I literally have no friends of my own, so a small party means that there are 6 or 8 or 10 of my BF's close friends there, and I am expected to interact directly with each of them - probably with several of them at a time - despite the fact that I have virtually nothing in common with any of them . While they are all very nice, very accepting people, and have learned that I'm not good in social situations, it's still quite awkward. I much prefer a party this size to be at our house. That way, I can always find some kind of host's busywork with which to occupy myself and avoid more than short interactions with the guests.

At a larger party - say 75 or more people - nobody is there to make friends. They are there to "network" for business purposes. If someone approaches you to start conversation, they only (really) want to know if you can be of benefit to them. It only takes a minute or two for them to realize that they gain no advantage from knowing me, and off they go.

At a *REALLY* big party - 200 or more - everybody has so many people they "have to" talk to that they simply don't approach anyone they don't already know. You are almost invisible at a gathering that big, allowing me to wander around and study their artwork. Acquaintances pretty much just say hi and move on to more "profitable" people. This is actually where I might have a slim chance of meeting someone with whom I can have a conversation. If someone starts a conversation with me at one of these parties, they are invariably having no more fun than I am, which means we have an automatic conversation starter - how much we wish were doing something else - which leads to discussing what, exactly, we each would rather be doing. I have, however, had to leave a few big parties because the noise was pushing me close to shutdown.

I don't enjoy parties much, but I only go to one occasionally, so it's OK. I can manage some small talks and drinking and snacking for a couple hours. I never dance or stay for more than a couple hours, though. It's possible to feel involved without much talking, you can take pictures or help the host clean up. I grew up with a social butterfly mother who took me with her everywhere. I know how to act social for a while. Of course after that I need hours alone to unwind.

You've reminded me of why so many of my experiences have been negative. When we were first together my husband and I attended a lot of gatherings of his friends. It would be mostly males sometimes, and other times their girlfriends. We were the first of the group to get married, and it was an atmosphere, even before we married, that I was uncomfortable with. I'd just feel I got to know one of the girlfriends, and that pair would break up. So it was this constantly changing group of people I really had little in common with, and they were all his buddies, not mine. But it was important to my bf, and then husband, for me to take part.

I'm not a whole lot more comfortable if it's my house, because I miss a lot of cues that a good host/hostess needs to pay attention to, and my home is my sanctuary away from the world, but I agree it's helpful to have little chores to do. I always feel strange helping out at someone else's house, too, no sure about how they do things or where things go. If the gathering is at my house I don't want any help from guests either.

I'm best in small groups. In a large group I try to follow too many conversations, and have to deal with background noise. One on one with someone I'm not close to is difficult as well. So a small group works best for me. That way I can be silent and not feel awkward about it, and there's not a lot of noise to deal with.

Last edited by BlueAbyss on 19 Dec 2012, 10:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well, Sartre said that "Hell is other people" so I guess the answer is a big yes!

Surgery without anesthetic sounds more tolerable to me, than a party!

Charles

Dreadful.
I can stay a short while but when people start to get loud with their drunkenness or turn the music up I make my exit.
I try to be there to be sociable and to make sure I don't withdraw too much from society.
Some of my housemates accept I don't like parties. Others can't understand why I am intent on avoiding the happiness of observing their drunken screeching and inanities.

Parties are fun as long as I can either dance, sing, or talk to someone who shares my special interest. If I can't do any of these things, I become bored and confused.

The booze I don't mind.

The people?

That's another story for another day…

"Yes."

Most definitely.
I don't understand the concept behind parties. They seem to be a celebration of meaningless small talk and egocentricity. Unbearable.

Surely you understand the concept; it's not hard to grasp.

Appreciate it? Probably not.

But the desire to get completely smashed in a socially acceptable fashion, surely you realize how alluring that is?

I normally just find a quiet corner (my family is fairly understanding of this), grab a drink and just try to make as little noise or attention drawing as possible.

If I get approached too much after that, I have to leave, specially if its an event where I know absolutely none of the people but my family.

This.

A thousand and one times this.

I like to grab two drinks, tho'.

No not really . . . If I'm going to get drunk it's either by myself or with one other person. The outcomes of party drinking for me are not usually good.

Again; I see how it's not alluring to you personally, but surely you realize how other people might find it alluring?

Well I understand that they do, because I observe it . . . buy I don't know what is alluring about it. Just makes me uncomfortable.