Page 1 of 3 [ 44 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

thomas81
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 May 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,434
Location: County Down, Northern Ireland

02 Dec 2012, 7:47 pm

Does anyone have any mechanisms with dealing with this question? I really dislike it because its one of the NT catch-questions that is designed to provoke a positive response, regardless of how you genuinely feel.

If you are honest and give a negative answer, they act offended.

The response I give now is "Oh, same as usual" it always throws them :D



oftenaloof
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 21 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 112

02 Dec 2012, 8:08 pm

I answer awkwardly "you know.. Same old"

The probing stops there.



Cornflake
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 46,969
Location: Over there

02 Dec 2012, 8:09 pm

I've learned to just say something non-committal like "Fine..." and let it go in one word. It's what's expected, nothing more, and not worth fussing over.
When someone asks that question without sitting you down and looking all serious, they don't really want to know the answer - it's just some sort of ritual greeting thing.

I have used things like "I died yesterday" or "Hang on, I'll check... Yep, fine" but it's often not worth the effort of explaining how it was, y'know... a joke.
When a ritualistic, empty question is not followed by the ritualistic, empty reply - some people get really, really confused. :lol:


_________________
Giraffe: a ruminant with a view.


btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,458
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

02 Dec 2012, 8:09 pm

I just say I am fine to get it over with.



AJ89
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2012
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 367
Location: Canada

02 Dec 2012, 8:18 pm

I usually just reply fine. Occasionally I will just ignore someone who asks me that and doesn't even look at me or walks quickly past me while asking it.



CftxP
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2012
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 81
Location: Near Houston, TX

02 Dec 2012, 8:22 pm

I just say "I'm good", usually if someone asks me that question, they're trying to have a conversation with me. :p



jagatai
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,533
Location: Los Angeles

02 Dec 2012, 8:26 pm

I sometimes answer with an honest and detailed response, much to the questioner's annoyance.

On a similar thread, my neighbor often asks "what's up?" This is one I have a lot of trouble with. Is he asking what I have been doing lately? Or how I am feeling? Or a general question about my take on current events? I assume he's actually not asking anything; he's just making noise to be friendly, so I respond with some other vague friendly noise that doesn't mean anything.


_________________
Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")


Tuttle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Mar 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,172
Location: Massachusetts

02 Dec 2012, 8:27 pm

I usually say "I don't know", but I don't recommend that.



thewhitrbbit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,271

02 Dec 2012, 8:28 pm

Generally your answer should be proportionate to your relationship with the person.

If your just meeting someone, you should avoid answering in the negative unless you have an exact reason. Of course, if someone said "how are you" and your friend died last night, it would be ok to say not so good.

If you have a good friendship, you can answer honestly, but I find still that harping on the same problems can wear people down.



CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2012
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA

02 Dec 2012, 8:44 pm

My dad's favorite response, esp when he obviously wasn't ok, was "I'm in good shape for the shape I'm in". He'd say it cheerfully with a smile, and it had the virtue of being the truth. "Can't complain" is also another good stock response.

It has been my experience that anything short with a positive upbeat spin is an acceptable response. It is also a good idea to add a heartfelt "how are you?" and listen patiently to their reply. Remember, folks remember how you made them feel long than what you actually said, so make them feel valued and that you care, especially if you are talking with a co-worker.

Friends and family are more likely to want to hear the truth.


_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right :-)

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic


Last edited by CuriousKitten on 02 Dec 2012, 8:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

SanityTheorist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2012
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,106
Location: The Akuma Afterglow

02 Dec 2012, 8:45 pm

I use George Carlin style responses, like "I'm not dead" or "I am historically a-OK!"


_________________
My music at: http://www.youtube.com/user/SanityTheorist5/videos

Currently working on getting in a studio to record my solo album 40+ tracks written.

Chatroom nicks: MetalFluttershy/MetalTwilight/SanityTheorist


seatbeltblue
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 29 Nov 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 26

02 Dec 2012, 9:24 pm

I usually actually answer the question instead of saying fine. I imagine it drives people crazy.



Jaden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,983

02 Dec 2012, 10:00 pm

thomas81 wrote:
Does anyone have any mechanisms with dealing with this question? I really dislike it because its one of the NT catch-questions that is designed to provoke a positive response, regardless of how you genuinely feel.

If you are honest and give a negative answer, they act offended.

The response I give now is "Oh, same as usual" it always throws them :D


Some people are like that, they only use it to be polite but don't expect a real answer, only "oh fine, you?". I tell it like it is, regardless of what they want to hear because they're dumb enough to ask, so if they don't want the real answer, they shouldn't ask lol.


_________________
Writer. Author.


one-A-N
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2010
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 902
Location: Sydney

02 Dec 2012, 10:06 pm

A: Hi! How are you?

B: Alexithymic, and you?

A: What's alexithymic?

B: It means, I don't know how I feel - and I wish you wouldn't ask.

In real life, usually I just look confused, and shake my head or shrug my shoulders and mutter something dismissive, with the unspoken meaning "I wish you wouldn't ask".

I am not very good at faking smiles and upbeat responses. Life requires enough acting as it is.



Shellfish
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 506
Location: Melbourne, Australia

02 Dec 2012, 10:08 pm

I (nt) answer the 'how's it goin'' question with... same old - it's not that unusual


_________________
Mum to 7 year old DS (AS) and 3 year old DD (NT)