Before and After I learned I have AS

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Well the first time I learned about Asperger's it was my final semester in college in a class called "Hospitality for the Handicapped" or something similar to that. Every student in the class had to do a presentation about a handicap, and how it would affect those in the hospitality industry (I graduated with a degree in Hotel & Restaurant Management). I chose to do mine on "seeing-eye dogs". But any way, some girl did hers on Asperger's. I don't remember anything from her presentation, except I thought she said that she was doing her presentation on "Ass-burgers", which I though was really funny.

But anyway, I diagnosed with ADD/HD when I was 2 year old. In high school and college I had a really hard time getting friends, and when I was in a group of more than 2 other people, I felt like shutting down, and disapearing.

So in general, I felt that no one understood me, or everything everyone else was doing was really lame, and that THEY were at fault for not talking to me, or showing interest in me.

It was a pretty miserable time in my life.

So about 2 months ago, my phychologist either decided it was time to tell me or they finally figured it out that the reason why I was seemingly so socially immature was not because of ADD/HD, but rather Asperger's.

After finding out what Asperger's was, it put everything I have been through the last 10 or so years into perspective. I know why people were not talking to me, and I can finally put words to what I am feeling when I am around 3 or more people. I just wished that I had known sooner, so that I could have tryed to change my own behavior, than rather sulk and hope that someone else would change.

I hope something in this makes sense, and thanks for reading.

Yep that all makes perfect sense, Lemmiwinks! I know exactly where you're coming from!

Lemmiwinks,

Why would you have tried to change your own behaviour more after findng that it is a known mental condition?

With me, it would have made it more obvious why I was singled out by bullies, etc..., but I would have been more vocal, and tried to look for like minded people. That theory ALSO explains why some people seem to hunt me out, but they weren't NEARLY as normal as I was. Then again, WHO KNOWS!? Maybe some DID try to hunt me out, and DID find me, but I just didn't notice. I mean I DID have some "geek" like friends. And like I said my memory of a girl friend I had does make me think now she might have been autistic. She was kind of geeky and not dumb. I ALSO would have been very insistant to not move, and be more likely to keep in touch.

Anyway, I would have grown to seem MORE autistic like, having autistic friends, and worked on mental pursuits and gotten smarter, rather than trying to endlessly chase after getting more social. I mean the cards were clearly against me. I ALWAYS knew I had a slight chance, but it is like miners in a cave. If they see rock with a certain type of stripe in it, they will pick at that stripe, and NOT generally mine the rest. It is less effort, and they make a lot more money because of gold and silver content. Heck, I was more like the guy that almost knew what he was looking for. He FOUND it!! !! !! ! He didn't realize he found it but, after telling a friend, found he found an untouched and fabled lost gold/silver vien! He never ound it again. 8-(

If I had known the situation, I could have been a lot smarter about a solution. I DID know that if I was better in sports, appeared to like sports more, etc... that I would be better liked. That didn't even make me WANT to change things.

Steve

This may be one of those subjects where there is no "right" answer, it's whatever works for each individual.

I am so thankful I found out about AS. One example: I've never been able to look other people in the eyes. (Damn all those people in my youth who ordered me to look them in the eye while they were talking to me!) Now that I know why I do this, that it is caused by a physical difference between myself and NT's, I've tried to compensate. I now look them in the mouth - stupid NT's can't tell the difference!

It also means that I understand why I'd rather be alone, no longer feel guilty about it.

(It also means that I understand why I say "I" so often, and no longer feel so guilty about that, either )

Mostly it has helped me to understand why I am as I am, and to accept it, and live with it, not fight it anymore.

YIKES! That is EXACTLY what I end up doing!

Steve

Lemmiwinks yes I identify with what you are saying too.

Yep....makes perfect sense.You can regret the years of "cluelessness" or appriciate that you know now....Mnay of us have been in the dark into our 40's and 50's.Thats a lot of time to stumble in the dark.I hope the new info will allow you to except yourself and those unfortunate NT's who are still unaware of why they are the way they are.(they just think it's how everyone is born and never relalize how much of their identity is hard-wired into their brains.)

There's always hope!

As someone already mentioned, it's different for everyone.
me personally, I'm glad to know about it, it was, as I said
to someone, that it was as if a piece of a puzzle finally fit,
to me it was a revelation.

And I'm glad to know it because I'm now more aware of what I'm doing and
what can I do about it.

bye

merry xmas!

Exactly!! !! !! !! !! You have spoken the truth, Could not have said it any better myself, you hit it right on the head, etc.

Thanks everyone for listening!