Ages at which NTs surge ahead in social skills

Post Reply New Topic

As I was growing up, and felt socially awkward doing so, I noticed that people around me weren't changing gradually, but rather in alternating patterns of calm and storm, flats and spikes, light and dark, peace and war. Each phase would last a few years. I'd have a few years of relative enjoyment of life, where I'm getting along with people, even making friends with, and having fun living. But suddenly, everyone around me would change overnight, and their interests would instantly transform. They'd go from being great friends and activity partners to relative strangers. Not now but in the years past, it would often be accompanied by massive bullying.

This wholly matches what scientists discovered. Aspies' emotional development, which includes social skills, proceeds at 2/3 of their NT peers, up until age 25 or so. Sexual attraction skills for men (a.k.a. "game") often never fully develop. Finally, the emotional development stalls out after age 25, resulting in relative calm for the rest of the aspie's life, considering how 25 is the full maturity age, both physical and emotional.

These are the ages I noticed NTs' social skills surging.

First surge
Age: 3
Skill: Games and langauge
NTs' gains: This is where my NT peers started getting into simple role-playing or sports-type games. They also would learn language-manipulation jokes, like questions or statements with double meanings. Also lying and setting people up to get caught. Another activity they learned to do is bullying; even at their young age, they were more skilled at it than some adults.
My shortfalls: I could not understand those games at all. My activity of choice was sitting on the floor and manipulating playing blocks or other objects. Sometimes I'd build towers, line up cars (hint hint), or arrange checkers pieces in my own patters. I'd also sit alone in a playground gazebo, and recite long stories to myself, about how it's a highly secure fortress.

Inter-surge period
I went through a peaceful life period here. While I had only two friends, my classmates treated me well, and even joined me for a board game or two. In return, I joined their role-playing games on occasion.

Second surge
Age: 8
Skill: Media, TV, interests, and social rank
NTs' gains: This was more about media interests, rather than games. NTs started switching away from kids' shows and cartoons to movies. Since they also learned to stand up for themselves much better than I did, bullying intensified. Oftentimes, they bullied me in bizarre forms, like refusing to believe me when I talked about how Saturn's rings are made of rock and ice.
My shortfalls: I didn't like movies at this age for two reasons: I couldn't understand them, and "they weren't colorful enough". As a result, I had nothing to talk about with my peers during recess. This is when I was also going through an astronomy fascination phase, to the point of reading high school encyclopedias about it. My NT classmates, on the other hand, called me "teacher's pet" for liking that.

Inter-surge period
There was almost no period of calm here. My family moved cross-country, and I had to leave behind all of my toys and most of my books. I took only few familiar objects, and the emotional support I got was minimal.

Third surge
Age: 10
Skill: Coolness/friendships
NTs' gains: This is when NT people I've known my whole life did a complete 180 overnight. They suddenly developed new interests and personas, modeled after aggressive sports stars and video game characters. Classmates around me were suddenly making huge groups of friends that were almost gang-like in organization and behavior (don't forget that it was the 90's), minus the firearms and drugs.
My shortfalls: This is when NT people I've known my whole life did a complete 180 overnight. After years of having friends (only to lose them when moving cross-country), people's behaviors became unrecognizable, and making friends became impossible. Everybody was very aggressive and cruel, which clashed with my kind, gentle aspie persona. I coped by getting heavily involved in the few video games I actually liked.

Inter-surge period
There was almost no period of calm here, although classmates ignored me, rather than bullied me. My parents ruled every part of my life with an iron fist, while themselves being on the verge of divorce. I was suicidal.

Fourth surge
Age: 14
Skill: Dating
NTs' gains: People around me were dating left and right, and getting their first kisses. With months of starting each school year, people woulds start pairing up and making out in hallways. NTs picked up on my lack of knowledge about this, and started getting girls to prank me. Luckily, I fell for it one time, then learned that it's ridiculous to expect a girl to like me. The pranks subsided to zero once NTs knew that I learned the truth.
My shortfalls: I was finally able to learn to make friends again." only classmates at first, then real friends later. But finding dates was a whole different story. Of course, I bought into dumb TV tropes that nice guys win in the end. Turned out, they don't. Girls avoided me like the plague. Trying to talk to them romantically always fell flat, and no girls ever liked me. By age 18, I had my first real date! But even then, it was with someone I felt zero attraction to.

Inter-surge period
High school started horribly, then got much better. This period is when I made my first real friends. I was permitted to take public transit alone around my city, which I did extensively, to visit museums.

Fifth surge
Age: 19 to 22
Skill: Parties and casual sex
NTs' gains: College started, which meant hooking up and partying for most NTs. Guys around me were having sex constantly. One friend had 4 friends with benefits, along with hordes of one-time sex partners. Even though I asked, he always refused to teach this skill to me. We stopped being friends after a few years.
My shortfalls: I never fully caught up on this skill, even now. And it took me until age 26 or so to learn to enjoy nightclubs. I still go partying in dive bars and Latin dance clubs, just not other types of nightlife. And virtually 100% of my casual sex comes from escorts, after hiring my first one at age 22.

Inter-surge period
This period was my "golden age", you could say. Other than having stressful jobs, my life was just like how I wanted. I caught up with my NT peers in every way, and learned to enjoy their company like never before.

Sixth surge
Age: early 30's
Skill: Settling down
NTs' gains: My friends found long-term girlfriends. In 6 short months, they all completely abandoned any and all forms of having real fun, and started acting like sedate married couples. They talk about how happy they are to finally have serious relationships. Two of them are even talking about moving in together and getting married.
My shortfalls: I find this lifestyle dead-boring, and attribute my friends' behavior to allowing themselves to be controlled. I vowed to stay away from all long-term relationships of any kind. I still enjoy having female friends; I can't dance with men, obviously, and mixed company is more fun. I just don't want long-term relationships.

Inter-surge period
I'm entering this inter-surge period now. I compensate for my friends' changes by getting involved in many interest groups that do sports, drinking, and board games, with like-minded people. I also moved near a train station, so that I can have direct access to downtown, for its bars, Latin music scene, and escorts in hotels.

Seventh surge
Age: 40's? 50's? later?
Skill: I wonder what exactly
NTs' gains: Things that'll again clash with me.
My shortfalls: Things I'll catch up on years later.

Sixth surge
Age: 40's? 50's? later?
Skill: I wonder what exactly
NTs' gains: Things that'll again clash with me.
My shortfalls: Things I'll catch up on years later.

Your married friends divorce and will return to the single scene and you will then have someone to party with again until they marry a second time around.

When I was a teenager more girls didn't have boyfriends than did. The girls teased and flirted with the boys, but never actually dated them. Only the popular kids seemed to have dates.

I worked at a preschool with 2 to 4-year-olds, and I never see any bullying or emotional manipulation going on. Some of the girls developed 'best friend' relationships with each other, others cried for their mum, and some younger ones were still in nappies. Some would pick their nose and play with the contents (eww), and do other things what older kids would pick up on and tease about.
The only thing close to bullying they did was not letting others share a toy with them, or not let others get a chance on the slide, or snatch things away from others, or eat someone else's snack. But these behaviours were part of learning, so weren't always done intentionally. It actually stated that in a book about child development in under 5's that I had to read before starting the job.

I think in the UK it isn't abnormal for school-aged teens to not have a date. You got judged if you didn't have friends, but nobody cared if you didn't have a date, because 14-year-olds are still children and a lot aren't mature enough to handle relationships. Even as an adult, in the UK it is OK to be single.

All that just to repeat once again your lack of wanting a LTR because you think all of them are exact reflections of the LTRs your friends are in and the lifestyle they've chosen to submit to. What more do you want people to tell you?

NT's were always ahead of me, no matter what age they were. I had a "best friend" who was two years younger, yet was as mature as I was. When he was 10 and I was 12, he decided he wanted to hang out with the "cool kids," hang out by the pizza place, write graffiti, get into fights, talk about girls. I just wanted to play sports and to read books. I became very "uncool."

There was no group of "surges", per se. It was a steady "surge" constantly. I had very few friends, especially in my later school years. I had no "best friends." I had to take an alternative path to things.

I did get a couple of dates in high school, and I had a girlfriend all through my senior year in high school. But she was as unpopular as me, as kept on attempting suicide. She wasn't bad-looking, though. Just trouble. Eventually, she did commit suicide.

Playing sports is uncool? That was the social trend among boys when I was a kid and teen. Unless it's either a UK thing or a 90's thing?

It was uncool to this kid. He got into gangs and all that.

I was the type that sucked at sports, but always tried very hard.

In comparison with my current culture:
1st surge: Partially true, partially false. True on role play part, false at manipulation part. Unless I live in a poorer part of my place where a village of thieves and drug addicts goes.
Shortfalls: True to my case
2nd surge: True.
Shortfalls: Untrue. Except I never talked about any media I like no matter how popular it was.
3rd surge: True. Not just from my classmates, neighbors too are involved.
Shortfalls: True on change part, yet false on the unfulfilled part. I was the funny soloist who took advantage of children's desire to brag by spoon feeding them of my crafts.
4th surge: True. Depending on which school. One school is still on the 3rd surge, one school is PAST 4th surge. Yes, there is such thing as a slu*ty girl here for various reasons. Even single mothers or young wives exists here.
Shortfalls: Very true. Even I'm at the legal age now, I still don't get it.
5th surge: True. Very true. To the point that half of my female acquintances of my age are either married, single mothers, or already had a family even before reaching college. No matter which socioeconomic class they came from, they're just as irresponsible.
Shortfalls: Yes. Just... Yes.
I'm asexual, I have no sense of attraction. And I don't desire sex or dating. I have little or no grasp about romance and I like it that way.
6th surge: Something I can't judge, but the group age here would be bit younger considering that family is a priority here.
Shortfalls: True. I don't desire any long term relationship either. Never dreamed or thought of it at all. I would rather take care of my mom instead.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

The first notable instance of falling behind for me was middle school, when puberty started to kick in, and I acted inappropriately with my romantic advances. It wasn't until I entered college that I largely corrected this.

As Kraftie said I have always been behind and a lot behind. In my 20's I worked with people with common interests so we got along well.