I'm spacing out too much and looking weird because of it

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I don't know where I'm going with this. A few moments ago I was getting something from the fridge for dinner and when I closed the fridge door I just stopped with my hand still on the handle. I just stood there and even though I wasn't afraid my body language made me look as if I was.

I stood there and I was just so lost in my own thoughts that I completely shut out the outside world. I happened to be hugging the fridge door as if I was looking around the corner in stealth mode but it didn't match my feelings. Whenever I'm spaced out I always go into a guarded position with my body language that makes me look like I'm scared or on edge but I'm not. In the mall I spent most of the time holding my purse strap and keeping my arms folded against my chest as if I was trying to protect my vital organs and I was lost in the forest at night. I wasn't. I was just lost in my head but my body language always sends a different signal. Even though I know I'm just spaced out I worry that other people will look at me when I'm in that state and think I'm actually psychotic or something because of my guarded appearance. I'm not but I realize how I look when I wake up and realize I'm in a closed defensive position and I realize how my body language looks.


I've always been spacey but my recent depression has been making it worse.


My mom was in the kitchen as well and it was clearly noticable that I was frozen because she asked me what was wrong. Her voice snapped me out of it and I just told her that I was too preoccupied with my thoughts.


After I ate I went to walk up to my room and use my laptop. in the middle of the hall I nearly spaced out again but I didn't go fully into it. I maintained some attention and woke myself up even though nobody was there to notice and wake me with an "are you okay".


Since I became depressed this has become much more prevalent. Today I've been feeling terrible because I read something that triggered thoughts of something I thought I got over but didn't. I just cried. This has been a bad day and I understand my spaciness is a result of my extreme melancholy. It pulls my attention inside and it is hard for me to avoid being pulled into my head. I'm still paying attention to something but so much of my brain is focused internally that everything just shuts down. Even the process of walking which is second nature shuts down. I'll be walking and then I'll just stop because even the small amounts of resources required to walk are shifted towards my internal world.


My internal world is just so attention grabbing it pulls me away from everything else.

I don't know what this post is going to accomplish I just needed to write down my thoughts about what's going on with my increased spaciness.

I can more or less relate. I was once at IHOP and I spaced out right when I glanced at a women sitting across the room. I ended up staring at her for about a minute while I was deep in thought about something else. So glad she didn't notice. Another time I was at a party and I repeatedly spaced out. Then someone threw a toy basketball and missed. It was aimed straight at my face and then someone sitting next to me did some heroic leap and pushed the ball away when it was an inch from my face. Then another girl who saw it all exclaimed, "He didn't even blink!" Her exclamation snapped me out of the space out and then it was a little awkward...

I think you have "space outs" far worse than I do though I can't entirely know what your feeling. I also don't really know how to avoid space outs... maybe (if other people are around) get very involved in conversation? Perhaps if someone gives you a strange look then you should explain that you simply "spaced out". Then, people can start to understand you a little better.

I space out all the time. It's my home within a home.

Story of my life, heh. I've had so many people wave their hands in front of my face going "hellooooo?"