Five Things You Would Want NTs To Know

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hi, my name is phil commander and i do videos on YouTube that i finally realise are very offensive to your community. I am attempting to learn more about your community so I do not continue insulting all of you.
If you could, I would love to know what five things (list as many as ya want!) would you love to pound into our heads about being an adult with apsergers/autism.
thanks for taking the time!

Yeah never heard of you either. The best thing you can do is ask the admins to lock this thread. And just read about 50,000 posts and make your mind up that way.

thats a relief! theyd only offend you guys anyways so theres no need to watch them. i admit they are ugly...but as a famous NT once said "if you want to make the world a better place you better place take a look at yourself and then make a change". how come we get Michael Jackson as our shining example of being an NT and you guys get Albert Einstein? doenst seem fair. anyways, i gotta start sometime and somewhere right? some things have happened in my life that have opened my eyes...i did those videos because i was ignorant and the only way to overcome ignorance is through education. so thats why im here...i hope everyone understands. phil

Hi Phil, I'm Mark. Welcome to the Wrong Planet. I'm one of the mods on this site. I'm very HFA and my impairment is very narrow and mild.

I haven't seen your videos. Many people here are very sensitive and suspicious. I think there is going to be a good deal of cynicism that you’re not simply looking for source material. We tend not to trust people until their post count gets into double or triple digits. Nevertheless, I prefer to believe that you are sincere in your desire to develop a more sensitive attitude. I'd like to suggest that you read on this site extensively, and then list the things that you believe we wished NTs would understand. Also, don't hesitate to make more specific inquires. If people ignore you it's simply that they don't trust you yet. Also, some here will hold grudges longer than anyone might imagine.

Please read and comply with the rules, and remember that "he hit me first" is never an acceptable excuse. I hope you have a good experience here and I look forward to reading about what you learn.

I will take the bait
here is some things I hate....


"just because I am not smiling does not mean my dog died...."

"I didnt laugh at your joke,not because I have no sense of humor,but because you stole it off a Dixie cup in 1976....it wasnt funny then""or"I am seldom ammused with constant reminders of humans cruelty and insensitivity"

"I come to work to care for disabled people not to listen to you blather on about your grandmothers hernia opperation,or how tired or sick you are(trying to guilty me into doing your work,everyday),or to here you yapping on your cell phone to your boyfriend while a client sitts freezing and alone,waiting for their shower"

"Yes....I did 'have a nice trip'....and I do 'have a hole in my lip' but the piercing is not large enough to spill liquid and the fact is I do 'drink much'.I would also like you to know that the cat did not 'get my tongue',I just dont have anything to add to your rivitting account of Paris Hiltons new reality show or Tom Cruises impending marraige."

"I am not TRYING to be weird...it's a gift from the gods...what's your excuse?"

"I am not looking at you when you talk but I can hear you....I just listen with my ears instead of my eyes....evidently,you need to lip read"

"The fact that I would rather read a well thought out book or wonder in the woods then listen to the mindless chatter of strangers,seems like a logic choice to me"

"when I was 42 I was just a really weird NT,now I am a very normal aspie...sounds like an improvement to me."

Krex,

ROTFLMAOBT!

WELL SAID! You said all I thought about saying but you said it so much better!

Steve

I admit to being a little suspicious too, but... what the heck.

We would like to hear the story of how you came to change your views. Call it reciprocity; we get some details, and you get some details.

One thing you will not get is generalities; it is likely to all be very specific points, so even if you are not sincere, and are gathering data, you wouldnt be attacking a community, but rather a amalgamation representing a archetype being.

So... what changed your life? I have a list for you, but I am waiting to hear yours first.

I watched your videos. They didn't seem that offensive to me, although they seemed to be directed at parents with younger kids.

There is not very much to tell NT's about me that they don't already know. They know that I am weird, my mind does not work the same way their's does, I am rarely interested in anything they have to say and rarely have anything to say that they would be interested it.

It is not their ignorance that is the problem.

Phil,

You have a number of videos there and I currently have too much on my system. I HATE WINDOWS they have NO idea how Virtual Memory should work, so I have to have a LOT of free space to really look at your videos, and I currently don't. I DO have two major beefs with what you are doing, that MOST here have!! !! I know that because they have indicated so elsewhere. I think Alex would agree with me, even after his last post.

1. You have aspergers as a tag, even though aspergers currently does NOT allow for what you are talking about! It is like indicating a GAS car should take DIESEL, or even ammonia! It is WRONG, MISLEADING, and OFFENSIVE! You might as well add gifted and genius as tags also.

2. It would be nice if you made it clear that even autism is a spectrum that ranges from problems like you describe to almost normal. HECK, I THOUGHT I was somewhat normal until relatively recently.

Steve

I am average or above in Intelligence and I'm a fairly quick thinker and learner.

I do not feel comfortable wearing form-fitted jeans and T-Shirts, and I lounge in my underwear for comfort, whenever I can.

The Routemaster is a very special Bus to me, and I do not appreciate crude, callous people telling me that it's "Dead".

I wish that people would modify their grammar, with each person that they talk to, instead of speaking like Teenaged Girls, all the time. Such example of how a Teenaged Girl talks is by combining Valley Talk, with sentences that sound like questions. I have the Mind of a Middle-aged Londoner, not the Mind of a Teenaged Queen Bee. I'm also 32. Keep that in Mind, when you're talking to me.

Just because I'm chubby, does not mean that I'm slow-witted, or lazy. I would like the Barbies in me area to stop hurling abuse at me. I may be a Double Decker now, but I could have a defined, trimmer, more athletic body by around this time, next year. There are as many places for Buses in this world, as there are places for Barbies. My body will shed its lard, at its own pace, and I will adapt to a more active lifestyle, at my own pace, as well. Don't push your body ideals on me, just because you skinny folk get insecure, whenever you happen to gain a half a centemeter of fat, and you think it's a threat to your perfect figures. I eat healthy, I don't eat Junk Food. I walk for an hour a day. I'm striving to get down to the right weight for me. That weight might be 165 lbs, instead of the 135 lbs that you weigh. Just don't push that topic on me, and I won't glare at you.

believe me, gathering data is the furtherest thing from my mind. if i wanted to do that i would have signed up under the name aspie1965 or something. I have a love for all people and although i havent shown it to this community it is there.
thanks to all of those who left a list.
as far as the tags in my videos go, you try and think what people who you want to reach will be typing in on the 'search'. RDI is also for people with aspergers and so my thinking was that if someone was looking up RDI they might type in Aspergers.
my videos originally started out as behavioral interventions but i ended up doing a lot of 'message' videos too.
when i found out jake was autistic (3 years ago) i went on the internet and came across any group that spoke of a 'cure'. i knew nothing about it. so one website leads to another and you find yourself staying in that world and the only exposure to your world is every now and then someone will mention that theres these people who say we shouldnt cure autistic people...and you go "what!?!" and they go 'yeah, but these people have autism themselves'...and you say 'oh, then they dont know anybetter'...and go happily along your way.
then i got on you tube and after a few weeks or so into it i was actually exposed to your community for the first time and it was like a white guy from the midwest who had never seen a black guy being dropped into harlem...culture shock. i was furious. i lashed out at you guys and thus started my desire to make some videos challenging you. i made some enemies for the cruel things i said but believed. then i made videos that were beyond insensitive due to my total ignorance of what you guys were saying. some of you tried to talk sense into me...but i didnt respond. or, i did, but i was mean and rude. believe it or not though, my heart was in the right spot...its just that i was uneducated.
let me real quickly say ive never been part of any autism group ever and i never knew their messages because i never ever ever liked groups so i just was unaware at how insensitive they were. i heard about autismspeaks and CAN from you guys actually. I get most of my information of the curbie groups from a guys videos named 'christschool'. who cuts them down.
me and christschool have a hate/love/hate/hate relationship.
so then i watched silentmiaow video and it shocked me. changed my perceptions a lot. then a guy named lordalfredhenry challenged my message in an upfront but cool way...i started to wonder if maybe i was as right about things as i thought i was. then a woman named drooooopy got in touch with me and then further changed my thinking. then some guy sent me a link from a group called autsimhater or something like that. he said it debunked you guys. i went on that website and thought it was just the most hateful and meanspirited thing i had ever read. it was cruel...then i thought about my videos and the things i had said. and i was really embarressed. ashamed. then i starting talking to people on the phone who have autistic kids and wanted my help (i usually talk to one or two parents a week on the phone and many through emails) and they would at one point or another bring up the fueds i have on youtube with your community and then they would say something like, "dont worry about it though, i mean, theyre just a bunch of ret*ds" and my blood would boil. they were calling silentmiaow and lord alfred henry a ret*d. i was becoming disgusted with thier attitudes.
then i looked at my son...he has come so far from where he was three years ago and i thought, you know, if someone came up to me and said "it'll be great when you cure him" it would piss me off because how dare them say my son needs to be cured. he's my Jake. and how must you people feel like when you people (like i did in the past) say that you guys need to be cured. its not only insensitive, its wrong.
and then all of the things people had said to me on youtube started coming back and i honestly felt like s**t for the way i had acted. im gonna keep on doing videos, i still have beliefs that will always be at odds with your community...i know this. but there is no excuse for pushing ideas and using language and presenting concepts that are so distasteful and rude to anyone. i dont want to do that. it doesnt matter to me what group it is. I'm not like that.
so what i needed to do was to contact your community...which i did. i started making videos on a secret youtube channel and invited christschool, kevlecht, autismdiva, kurugaki, silentmia, droooopy, kassiene, and a few others to watch and help me out. some did. it helped a little but i wanted to know how all of you feel about things. if i know how you want us to view you then i will gain understanding.
i was always an outcast of society because im a total freak of natureLOL...go to myspace...
im under philcommander.
anyways...i also am starting to understand what you mean when you say a person is born autistic and will die autistic....im starting to see what you mean withmy son. but i also think that both sides are using some terms in a different way. i think this is dividing us.
i would love to see common ground found between us...but the first thing i got to worry about is changing my attitudes and beliefs...not any communities attitudes and beliefs.
so thats my story...i was brought up believing that when you have wronges somebody you go up to them and look them in the eye and apologize. its not any of your business if they accept it or not. you just apologize and dont do it again. thats what im doing now and honestly its all that i can do.
thanks for listening!
phil

OH, OK! So YOU were affected in the same way I feared your tags might affect others. **I** knew autism was a spectrum, but it USED to not allow people with an IQ above 70! Some people here have IQs that are over TWICE that. And too many people make it sound like autistic people are poor fools that don't know any better and can't speak, but even some of the worst affected can.

As for not wanting to cure autism? I think the REAL concern is that autism can be broken into four parts(Bear in mind that people don't necessarily have all 4. I only have the first 2):

1. The social problems that gave it its name. I think people with AS, and many HFA people see this not so much as a problem or disability, but a difference.
2. Some physical quirks. Again, for the most part, they are differences.
3. Physical disabilities. I think most would be happy curing this. They are not necessarily autistic anyway.
4. Mental retardation. I think most would want to cure this. They are ALSO not necessarily autistic. HECK, let's just try to cure mental retardation as a whole! Improved delivery regulations, and prenatal care can probably go a LONG way towards this! Failure to do so means LOTS of legal problems coming down the pike. The flood gates are ALREADY starting to open.(Primarily because of palsies, but palsies ARE a kind of mental retardation. They are caused by destruction of part of the motor centers of the brain.)

And it IS amazing how some people with differences others see as disabilities can be against the cures. The deaf community is the same way. I would LOVE it if nobody was deaf, but I can see their point. These kids will likely never fully be treated as full equals and it denies them access to a culture, and support that they would otherwise have.

BTW I hope your son starts living up to any expectations you ever hoped to have. It IS possible. One person here told me about how he was LFA, not very responsive, etc.... and today is very HFA! So he started out from a point that was probably worse than your son! Everyone is different, but you never know. The more normal you treat your son, and the more options you give him to improve, the more likely he is to actually improve.

Steve

Rule #1: People are complex.
Rule #2: People with AS and particularly Autism are often REALLY complex, and hampered by social problems. Do not assume that they are simple. Just because someone isn't talking, doesn't mean they have nothing to say.
Rule#3: Take your time. Sometimes people on WP don't react in a normal way: they are stressed and confused and reactions such as "fight or flight" kick in at inappropriate times. Wait for the dust to settle before making any conclusions.
Rule #4: Treat people as individuals. There are all sorts of characters here. Some you'll identify with, some you won't. Just because we're all 'on the spectrum' doesn't mean we're all automatically alike and wander around together like sheep.
Rule #5: Keep reading. There are new things to learn here, every day.

Hope that helps -