Get your reading specs on.............I wrote about this in my book............
Transcending Self-esteem.
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on” – unknown.
“Self-esteem isn’t everything, it’s just that there is nothing without it” - Gloria Steinem – American Writer and activist
To esteem something means to have a high regard for it. To have high self-esteem means holding a high opinion of oneself. The root of the term comes from the word aestimate, which literally means ‘to put a value on” or to have regard for. Self-esteem is the purely evaluative element of the self-image. It is the estimation you place on yourself and also a relative assessment based on your perceptions of yourself relative to others. Self-esteem is just the way you think about yourself, do you think you are awesome,awful or somewhere in between.
The advantages of self-esteem are many. When someone has high self- esteem, they have a genuine, deep rooted sense of self; they actually like (and often love) themselves (in some cases too much!) they can and do control of their internal emotional state; and they have a sound sense of purpose, or rather they act and behave with purpose. Negative self-esteem and the beliefs it’s based on are at the root of virtually every emotional or behavioural problem.
Typical symptoms of low self-esteem include:
-Bad Body Language - not being comfortable in your skin, not taking up space, fidgeting, nervous habits etc.
-Poor eye contact
-Weakly projected quiet monotonous vocal tonality
-Always thinking the other person is better and suppressing their own (healthy) needs
-Taking value (by putting people down OR trying to win approval) = belief “you don't have enough value”.
-Being the "nice guy/door mat" and putting up with bad behaviour = belief “you need to do favours because you are not worthy”.
-Jumping through hoops
-Prone to depression and being withdrawn
-Not expressing your full personality
-Consistent and continual underachievement in their lives
...and so on…(read - all the worst “Aspie” traits)
On the other end of the spectrum, behaviours of people with a genuine, real, sincere high self-esteem usually display very different characteristics that speak for their level of self-esteem:
They have a quiet confidence that they are able to meet a lot of the challenges that come their way
They are decisive and not hesitant
They have powerful physically upright relaxed, calm and measured body language
They make good eye contact freely and comfortably
They do not fish for compliments – but they do accept them well: theyknow what they are worth.
They Love life, have a sense of humour and are overall happy people.
They may be quite humble - True warriors are humble.
Feel worthy of love and approval. They approve of themselves and are not desperate for other peoples approval.
They are willing to move out of their comfort zones to face the unknown and grow as a human being.
If you have low or absolute zero self-esteem you may automatically assume that the answer is to get high-self-esteem. This is one of the popular views on self-esteem. The theory goes that it’s good for people to feel good about themselves, irrespective of how well or badly they have actually performed. If they esteem themselves highly, they will automatically do better - but even if they don’t do better, they’ll at least feel happier.
This theory has been applied in recent years as an educational technique, the pathetic "self-esteem curriculum," devoted to convincing students who, objectively considered, perform poorly at some specific task, are encouraged to view themselves as outstandingly good, wonderful and special and information about their poor performance is downplayed. This however often leads to inaccurate un-objective feedback and often low motivation to address objectively bad performance.
High self-esteem often seems to involve an element of self-delusion. It may be comparatively harmless for some people to go through life under the delusion that they’re good at something when in fact they are not. However, if they derive all their self-esteem from this fantasy, they may be set up for a shattering disappointment if ever they decide or are forced to face reality.
It’s not true that people who feel good about themselves always perform better. It’s a cruel deception to convey the impression that success comes easily if you have a “positive” but deluded attitude. Performing well is in fact closely related to high frustration tolerance (include this in your self-image) — the ability to cope serenely with difficulties and setbacks. Outstanding accomplishments usually require immense dedication, continuous, painful investment of arduous effort over a long period of time and of course an element of inborn talent.
A multitude of therapists and gurus are quick to identify low self-esteem as the root cause of, failure to learn in school, child abuse, addiction, broken relationships and a host of other ills. Many theorists have supposed that violent criminals suffer from low self-esteem and can be rehabilitated by having their self-esteem raised. Yet the available evidence does not support the theory that attempts to raise people’s self-esteem necessarily produce substantial benefits, and some evidence suggests high self-esteem may have pathological consequences such as sociopathy and narcissism.
Evidence collected by three psychologists (Roy Baumeister, Joseph Boden, and Laura Smart) found that most violent people think very highly of themselves; their unrealistically high self-evaluations predispose them to be violent. According to American Educator, psychologist and researcher Roy Baumeister has "probably published more studies on self-esteem in the past 20 years that anybody else in the U.S. (or elsewhere)." As Baumeister has observed, many violent crimes result when an individual defends a swollen self-image against a perceived attack. "They’ll lash out to try to head off anything that might lower their self-esteem.”
Researchers at Case Western Reserve University and the University of Virginia conducted a comparison of evidence from a variety of studies concerning individuals involved with aggressive behaviour of all kinds: assault, homicide, rape, domestic violence, juvenile delinquency, political terror, prejudice, oppression, and genocide. In some studies, self-esteem was specifically measured; in others it was inferred. The authors concluded that "aggressive, violent, and hostile people consistently express favourable views of themselves." It’s therefore pointless to treat rapists, murderers, and muggers by convincing them that they are superior beings, for this is precisely what such self-satisfied psychopaths typically believe already.
Many people who engage in bullying place a great deal of undeserved value on themselves that has no real basis in reality. Their ego deludes their every interpretation favourably and they are constantly trying to maintain their sense of self-esteem by exploiting holes in the boundaries of others. ..........
Last edited by answeraspergers on 03 Jan 2013, 6:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
02 Jan 2013, 9:04 pm
