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SteelMaiden
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19 Nov 2013, 3:51 pm

I have multiple people that keep texting me (acquaintances of mine). I don't want to text or talk to people. The carer will visit tonight and insist on small talk (I live in supported housing).

What is the polite way of telling them to p*** off?

One keeps texting me with "are you okay?" despite the fact that he knows I am autistic and have communication difficulties. He is really annoying me.


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doofy
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19 Nov 2013, 4:08 pm

In my experience those who repeatedly ask if I am ok are looking for "yes" as the answer.

Those who respect you will accept your request not to be texted. Those who don't, well - "yes" is less likely to get a tiresome follow up than "no".



JSBACHlover
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19 Nov 2013, 4:12 pm

Tell people what you want. Simple as that.



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19 Nov 2013, 4:20 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:
I have multiple people that keep texting me (acquaintances of mine). I don't want to text or talk to people. The carer will visit tonight and insist on small talk (I live in supported housing).

What is the polite way of telling them to p*** off?

One keeps texting me with "are you okay?" despite the fact that he knows I am autistic and have communication difficulties. He is really annoying me.


I sometimes go days without even looking at my phone to see who has called because I don't feel like talking to anyone. When I had a landline I would at least listen to the messages at the end of the day, but now I won't call voicemail to listen to them.



conundrum
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19 Nov 2013, 6:02 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
Tell people what you want. Simple as that.


Yes. Be straightforward. If after that, they don't respect your wishes, ignore them.


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Callista
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19 Nov 2013, 8:01 pm

Yeah. Tell them. Something like, "Look, I'm an introvert. I get exhausted when I have to socialize so much. I'm not avoiding you; I'm not being rude. I just want some alone time."

If you have very extroverted friends, they may not understand this, but luckily they are your friends and they'll probably at least give it a shot.

But don't isolate yourself entirely. However much effort it takes, some social contact is rewarding. Just don't overdo it--quality over quantity!


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conundrum
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19 Nov 2013, 10:54 pm

Callista wrote:
Yeah. Tell them. Something like, "Look, I'm an introvert. I get exhausted when I have to socialize so much. I'm not avoiding you; I'm not being rude. I just want some alone time."

If you have very extroverted friends, they may not understand this, but luckily they are your friends and they'll probably at least give it a shot.

But don't isolate yourself entirely. However much effort it takes, some social contact is rewarding. Just don't overdo it--quality over quantity!


Yes.


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skibum
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20 Nov 2013, 12:43 am

I don't know if I would tell the carer to "Piss off." It is her or his job to talk to you. I would politely remind him or her that you are autistic and that you prefer not to talk but that you are fine. Then excuse yourself and wish him or her a nice day and say good bye.


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SteelMaiden
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22 Nov 2013, 4:25 pm

Thanks all. I will try that. Although last night I tried to explain to a fellow resident that I'm autistic and he could not grasp it.

What is interesting is that I don't mind talking to C, my best friend. I also like calling my dad for a couple of minutes a day (he lives in Cyprus).

But everyone else: talking is agonising with them.

I will spend tomorrow alone in my bedroom with my textbooks. Textbooks are the things I like being with, not people.


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conundrum
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22 Nov 2013, 4:30 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:
Thanks all. I will try that. Although last night I tried to explain to a fellow resident that I'm autistic and he could not grasp it.

What is interesting is that I don't mind talking to C, my best friend. I also like calling my dad for a couple of minutes a day (he lives in Cyprus).

But everyone else: talking is agonising with them.

I will spend tomorrow alone in my bedroom with my textbooks. Textbooks are the things I like being with, not people.


I know exactly what you mean--I'm very selective about who I feel comfortable enough with to actually want to talk to for long periods.

Textbooks on what topic (just wondering)?


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22 Nov 2013, 10:06 pm

I've never had any delays or problems with my use of spoken language.

I've also told friends that talking aloud takes a lot out of me, and that if I didn't have to speak I'd probably do a whole lot better emotionally.

I'd say the OP should just ask these people "Do you understand I'm autistic and that it's best for me to communicate when I want to, not when someone else insists I do?"

Sometimes letting someone see the measure of stress they're causing you gets thru to them. Just try not to melt down or they'll make even more fuss.


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22 Nov 2013, 10:13 pm

Just tell them that you are a little busy with something else right now and you'll talk to them tomorrow. It's the universal code for "I don't want to talk right now for whatever reason whether or not I am actually busy".



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23 Nov 2013, 8:53 am

My cell phone does not have the texting option or voicemail. I don't tell people my phone number, and I keep the ringer on silent. Nobody can really reach me, only I get to make calls. Plus I also save money by not having any of those features. I love my phone. :D

I suggest you spend a bit of time and explain (maybe by writing email) to people that you're fine and just don't feel like talking, and ask them to contact you less frequently, and not expect speedy replies. Once you've done that and they still want to bother you then you're well entitled to ignore them. If they don't know what you want however it's your duty to tell them.


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