Should I tell my autistic daughter to go to bed

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Hi there. I am a mother to a 19 year old girl who has autism. As she is an adult I have got into the habit of letting her decide when she wants to go to bed. However , when I go up and she's downstairs , she doesn't go to bed , she ends up sleeping on the couch. I don't think she understands that she has to go to bed if I don't tell her. What should I do

thanks
Steph

Its not that her sleeping on the couch is a problem. Its more that I don'r think she understands when to go to bed unless I tell her. When she falls asleep its because her body gives in , she doesn't purposely lie down and go to sleep. She doesn't have a problem with her room ,as far as I know but I will discuss with her where she would rather sleep. Another issue is that whand aaaen she falls asleep , she wakes up pretty early and doesn't go back to sleep so I worry she's not getting enough hours. I have only recently stopped telling her to go to bed to give her independence. Sometimes I'll come down at 3 or 4 and she'll be still awake. I do tell her to go up then. She's verbal but can't really form actual sentences , just in case u were wondering.Back to top   

Last edited by stephanie75 on 01 Jan 2013, 8:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What's wrong with sleeping on the couch?

What works best for me is a logical anaylitcal to why something should be done. Logical reasoning may work wonders

Unless you can do this...

...No, you shouldn't tell your daughter she needs to go to bed, because she doesn't.

I prefer sleeping on the couch. Maybe she doesn't find beds comfortable - or her room. I like the nesting feeling on the couch and bedrooms can be stuffy and uncomfortable - and the light can be wrong and a number of things. Is it really necessary she go to her bed? You might just throw a flannel sheet on the couch so you have something washable. If she is sleeping well there and there is no "good reason" for her sleeping elsewhere - I would suggest you just leave her be. Just my thoughts.

I get pissed off at anyone who tries to enforce a bedtime on me. I am an adult, so I'll go to bed when I like.
If she wants to sleep on the couch, I see nothing wrong with that. If you are curious to know why she likes to sleep on the couch, ask her why.

my mom is always telling me that i should go to bed before midnight and i shouldn't stay up really late and sleep in really late. what bothers me the most about is that i am 25 years old and living on my own. i can do whetever i want, when i want. i dont need her to look over my shoulder.

I like sleeping in a sleeping bag on the living room floor.

Well I cant imagine a 19 year old or anyone older would appreciate being told to go to bed...As an adult It would bother me as I don't feel anyone is really in a position to tell me when to go to bed and its hard for me to sleep anyways so it would be like they were expecting me to just lay there awake which I hate.

If your concerned about her not sleeping enough or wonder why she sleeps on the couch or whatever ask her.

There's nothing wrong with reminding her to go up to bed or asking if she wants to go to bed when you go up. My mother tells me to go to bed all the time, because she wants me to get my sleep. I don't interpret it as a power thing, just a thing that parents tend to think of even for heir grown up kids.

It can depend on how it is said, for instance if my mom was to suggest I go to bed to get some sleep it wouldn't offend me, but if she demanded it like she's telling me what to do to try and be authoritative then it would bother me. But Its not impossible for me to misinterpret things......hence I could be confused about if the thread is referring to suggesting to be helpful or trying to tell them what to do like a little kid.

This is sometimes a great way to sleep and I do it fairly frequently, but I also live in my own apartment.
But, also, there's nothing wrong with setting the rules for your home. If you would prefer that your daughter not sleep on the couch, let her know that it's not acceptable. It's not a bedtime as such, just a requirement that she not sack out in the living room. Although you could also ask her what's preventing her from finding her way to her bed.

I get irritated when my mom tells me to go to bed. I am an adult, not a child. But yet when my husband tells me to go to bed or makes me, it doesn't bother me but when it's my own parents doing it, I get bothered by it.

It might be useful to establish a routine so she gets used to going to sleep at regular times and in her bed. My friend has a fairly severely autistic son in his Twenties and he is used to a set bedtime and having baths on specific days, this works very well for them.

Need more info please. Verbal nonverbal is there a reason she needs to go to sleep at a certain time.

I don't think you should tell her to go to sleep HOWEVER:

If she is making too much noise when awake then tell her, and if she is waking up too late you should tell her. I really don't see a problem with you asking her to please sleep in her bed and not the couch.

But don't order her to do these things, make suggestions.