I have too much empathy?

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Hi all,

I think this is my first post and I am sorry to jump in without having introduced myself but I wanted to hear your thoughts on this.

Since my son was diagnosed with Autism I have research it to death. Through the course of that research I found Aspergers and I would have to say that I have never read about anything or anyone that fit me so perfectly. I score a 40 on the AQ and an Aspie score of 153 on the Aspie Quiz. Whenever I am reading an article or book about Aspergers you can overhear me repeating "Yes!", "Thank you!", "Exactly!" You could say that I would be self-diagnosed if I had the self-confidence to do so. So I have been seeking out an official diagnosis and just had an initial assessment. After a couple hours of discussing my overly complicated family history they told me: No, I definitely don't have an ASD. They gave reasons like I have too much Theory of Mind, too much Empathy, and I laughed at all the right bits... (to be honest, in the past I've been more likely to get in trouble for laughing at the wrong bits than not laughing at the right ones...)

I'm not sure what I think of this and wanted to get your opinion. Like, have any of you been told you have too much empathy and then gone on to get a diagnosis anyway? Should I give up and accept that I am just weird, rather than wired differently (like the cartoon says )?

If you aren't too busy

thx!

Adult females fall into the 'stupidly hard to diagnose' because there is so much stupidity about diagnosing women. You have a son with autism, you yourself are going 'ding-ding-ding' ... have a gander at Tony Attwood's site - here, if you have time, have a read: http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/index.php ... Itemid=720

Oh - and welcome

There's an empathy test to go along with the AQ one, just FYI and all (by the same dude). It's surprisingly called "EQ" (Empathy Quotient).

It's [very] common for some related to someone diagnosed with an ASD to have various symptoms of it; sometimes enough in the "right" severity to meet some label, other times not (they call it Broader Autism Phenotype then).

My mother has various symptoms of an ASD (high on the AQ test too), and she also has lots of empathy (EQ test). I don't think the empathy really aides in anything, rather it's the severity of the lack of social instinct that determines how bad you are at talking to others (she's much better than me at talking to others, even if she says she had to learn such).

Diagnosis criteria shouldn't be used like a mold - either 100% fit or no fit at all.

Flexibility is necessary. Every case is unique, especially in light of each individual's specific upbringing, cultural background, education, life experiences, etc.

If the things you read feel right, then they probably are right, regardless of the "deviations" you describe. Keep reading - the more you know, theb etter you will understand what is going on.

I have a lot of empathy once I know what's going on. Sometimes it's hard for me to pick up on this though - things need to be spelled out for me because I often misread cues. But once I'm aware I am often inappropriately empathetic to the point of being overwhelmed.

I think the lack of empathy thing is a dangerous stupid myth.
I am diagnosed Asperger's and I am an empath. I feel other people's feelings more intensely than my own. I get paralyzed by other people's emotions and trying to figure out what to do in emotional situations.

If lots of people with AS score low on the EQ test compared to normal controls, does that mean it's a myth? What about if people with AS are less likely to yawn when others do (that's social empathy)? What about areas of the brain that light up during empathetic responses, and they are then shown to stay dim in those with an ASD?

Whilst it started with Hans' observations on a direct lack of empathy, there's been lots of evidence pointing to it lacking too over the years.

I think it comes down to a lack of communication rather than a lack of empathy. Autistics can be unaware of a situation which other people have picked up on, but this doesn't mean they don't care. Once I'm aware of something, I'm extremely empathetic.

Empathy and care aren't related. Empathy is feeling the emotions of another when they aren't communicated to you explicitly (nonverbal cues being one of the biggest ways it's communicated). Yes, once you're aware of what it is*, you then feel like everyone else. Best to think of empathy as a form of communication.

*Though I find the lack of social yawning to be an interesting concept, as most people with an ASD will know what a yawn means (someone is tired), but they often don't mimic the yawn back

Thanks for the replies and links! Will read when I get a chance.

Is it 'empathy' that makes me fight back a yawn every time I read the word 'yawn'? lol

Fen~

Yes.

Might be interesting and fun to yawn in-front of your son and see if he does in return.

Hmm, that's interesting. Never thought of it that way. Maybe because I don't have it, I can't conceptualize it in the way it's meant.

Never did get why one person yawning would lead another to. Seems bizarre to me that someone would yawn just because another does.

I am a diagnosed Aspie but I have too much empathy, to the point where it becomes so annoying. I find it hard to stand up for myself to people, not only because I don't like to upset them (even if, in principle, they deserve it), but mostly because when they are feeling awkward or guilty afterwards, I can kind of feel their awkward/guilty feelings or thoughts too. I am fed up with feeling other people's emotions or thoughts. Sometimes I don't always care, like if I call my brother a bad name for annoying me, but a) I find it easier to stand up for myself with relatives, and b) I'm still aware that what I said probably has upset him, which was why I did it in the first place, to teach him a lesson not to annoy me again.

This is why I always say that empathy isn't just a things that ''NTs are good at and Autistics lack''. I do hate that theory because it makes it look like NTs are all kind-hearted people who care about how others are feeling, and Autistics are cold-hearted people who don't care about anyone but themselves. Yes, there are a lot of nice NTs out there, but there are a lot of nasty NTs out there who really don't care about how somebody else may be feeling as long as they're happy. And, yes, there are some Autistics out there that can act like jerks just the same as NTs can, and there are a lot of really nice Autistics out there that can worry too much about how others are feeling. Neither NTs or Aspies or any other neurotype are perfect.

What age does that kick in at? None of my boys yawned back at me...

I have a yawn track repeating in my head now...

I recall reading after the age of six is when contagious yawning should start. The studies done have shown that those with an ASD do such far less than normal controls (from half as much to not at all, with severity of autism generally equating to the "not at all" level. Though of note, I don't do such and I'm not too bad, so with lots of things, the symptom severity each will fluctuate in different people). Of note again, "normal" people don't always do it either.

I just mention the word to my mother and she'll yawn. Ha. Lots of people seem to be like this.

There are hypersensitive and insensitive aspies. If your like me you feel emotions very strongly. However I have no ability to gauge emotions. If two people loose a parent to me they are equally in turmoil, however to an nt they can easily make the judgement one or the other is suffering more.

It's not simply detecting emotions.

Ironically it's a sign of nt's no understanding their own behavior.

As with the yawn effect, nt's have a form of shared consciousness, this is something thankfully we lack. This is why large groups of people can act in mysterious ways such as rioting, mass celebration such as christmas, or why people who don't know basic geography seem to be political experts ever 4 th year.