Am I really autistic? I´ve started having doubts a/b it.

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Hi there! I need to ask you about something. I wanna hear your opinion. Thank you in advance for expressing it

I am currently waiting to be officially diagnosed with Aspergers. So I cannot know for sure that I have it or not; it will be corfirmed or disproved later this year. But I think I have it - at least most of the time. There are numbers of those who believe I am Aspie. The only problem is that I have been approached also by lots of people who think I don´t have it. They are always like: "But you are so normal!" And stuff like that.

And that made me doubt about myself. Now I am not that sure that I have Aspergers. But it´s very important to find out for me. I have been searching for my diagnosis for nearly fifteen years, maybe even more. That´s a pretty long time. During my lifetime, I have spent hundreds of hours searching clues around the internet, at the doctor´s or in the library. And I am exhausted. I want to know if there´s something wrong with me in order to be finally in peace with myself.

So I have come here and I want to ask you if I could qualify for Asperger´s syndrome or Atypical autism (PDD-NOS). I know that you´re not doctors, but all I want is to hear your own opinion, based on your own intuition and knowledge about autism spectrum disorders.

Could you do that for me? That would be awesome. I will post the definition about AS how we all know it, and I will comment on it afterwards. I mean, if I have the given symptom or not. It will help me until I am or am not officially diagnosed. Thank you for your help! So, let´s start:

GAZE: I don´t have an atypical gaze, at least I think so. I gaze at people normally, like others do. I always look in the eye of the person I am speaking to. But when I am in a bigger group of people, I usually don´t look all the time at people I don´t like, even if I speak to them. And when I am on the street, I don´t look at people or their faces. I avoid it, it makes me nervous. I just look through them, if you know what I mean. When the others look like a blur, it does not make me that nervous.
FACIAL EXPRESSION: I rarely change it, it seems unnatural to me. I always have the same blank expression on my face, but I am perfectly able to put on some expression when I´m talking to the NTs. But I know how to show that I laugh, am angry, and stuff like that.
BODY POSTURE: I don´t know. I think I have a normal posture.
GESTURES: I don´t use them. Again, they seem very unnatural to me.


Yes, definitely. When I was a kid, I preffered to stay in the company of older people because they were more clever and tollerant to me - or I tended to younger kids, because they did not make fun of me, and they were as childish as I were.

Nowadays it´s really the same, with the exception that I tend to avoid people in general; I mean those who would not understand me. But I like company. I like being near the company or listening stories while beingin the company of others - even my peers. But I don´t know how to withold a successful converstion with them because they A) seem shallow to me B) use abstract loops in their speech and I don´t understand them. Or they are too fast and creative in their speech and I can´t do that.



I normally point to the things I like. If I like something, I show it to somebody to show them that I am interested in it. But I don´t like going to the collective of people. I dunno how to behave, what to tell them and the social interraction exhausts me (even if I worked as a well-recognised journalist in the not-so-distant past). I don´t mind being in the collective once I am there, but I am usually the first one to leave.


Only with some people, usually with the people I don´t know well.

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Yes, I totally do that. I am very annoyed when people distract me or interrupt me while I´m doing what I´m doing.


I have OCD and I repeat some rituals, if that´s what it means.


I don´t do any hand-flapping or something that visibly shows signs of Asperger´s at the first sight. Maybe if you watch me longer, you catch me twisting my hair or picking on my nose, sniffling, lightly tapping things, smelling my skin or cringing/vincing too much. But you can´t almost recognize it at the first sight.


Sometimes, especially when it changes collor, purrs or vibrates.

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I don´t think my speech was somehow delayed. I spoke quite early, but frantically and kept on repeating the same words all the time when I was a toddler. But after that time, I was able to speak normally. I have always like to make out completely new words, tho.


True. No significant delay there.


Pervasive developmental disorder? I don´t know. I haven´t been diagnosed YET. But I am absolutely positive I don´t have Schizophrenia. Psychiatry is my special interest ever since my childhood. I am able to think of myself with a detached view. I wasn´t able of it as a kid, tho.



What do you think? Is the last part really so important for the diagnosis? Do you think I have AS or not? I just want to know your opinion, that´s all. Thank you very much. It will help me.

I will be honest, your post was too long for my ADHD, so I only read the first sentences. However:

I got my official diagnosis yesterday. The doctor said I am a pretty classical case of Aspergers. I always had doubts as well, ranging from 90% sure to "oh no I'm too normal". That's because you have good and bad days. The severity of symptoms depends on the mood and situation. And you don't have to show all the symptoms to get a diagnosis. I, for example, don't have a special interest.

You're probably on the mild end if you're having doubts. But it's still on the autistic spectrum.

Thank you, Sanctus, for expressing your opinion.

I´d like to encourage other people as well to tell me what they think. You can be brutally honest, I can handle it.

What are the limits this causes in your life? How does this impair you? How does this make things more difficult for you than it would be otherwise?

You need to answer that too.

In all honesty, I see a lot of autistic traits described in your post.
I will list/describe them:

- inconsistent eye contact - you avoid looking at some people, you look through people (a classic sign), and looking at faces makes you nervous. (I have atypical gaze where I look, then look away really quickly, or look and don't look away at all)
- You rarely change your facial expression. This is a sign.
- You don't use gestures. This is a sign.

(By the way, these were the very things that got me diagnosed).

- As a child you stayed with older people and younger, but not your age. Same here.
Now you just avoid people, but still like company but not their conversation (for very autistic reasons I might add). This is another thing that got me diagnosed. If it seems too shallow, maybe it's because you're not talking about your interests? Abstractions and sarcasm are difficult for us. So is following fast conversations.

The part about showing and seeking out almost is more apparent in little children. Question. Do you share facial expressions with people, or do your expressions just match your mood? That was another issue with me. I don't communicate with my expressions. That's not their purpose for me.
If social interaction exhausts you, that's another little hint, although you could be introverted.

The rituals can include OCD, but they also can just be a need for structure and routine. How well do you function when you're on your own? With no structure, no anything. Vacations are terrible for me - I crave routine and do the same things daily.

As far as stimming, well, everyone does it. I used to do it more as a child, in interesting ways. Then it subsided or I didn't notice it. Then, as stress came, it came back. Perhaps you aren't noticing what you're doing that's natural to you? Or you're just not stressed enough? Do you get "fidgety" when stressed?

The preoccupation with parts of objects is also more apparent in children, who might play with the wheels of a truck instead of playing pretend. I was obsessed with making things because I got obsessed with the parts of things. Now, not so much, although it occasionally comes up.

How old are you when you stopped repeating words? If it was past 3 or 4, it's a language comprehension issue common in autism - echolalia. What do you mean by "frantically?" Rushed? Formally?

The thing with delay in cognitive development or help skills is really hard to catch if you don't know what's not normal. I was JUST diagnosed with a learning disorder a few weeks ago, and I'm in college with a 4.0. For example, if you take an IQ test and your Verbal IQ is much higher than your Performance IQ, that's a significant issue common in autistics.
Self help skills are harder. Did your parents baby you or force you to do things on your own? Do you have to work harder than everyone else to do normal things and you just don't notice it?

Honestly, if you want my opinion, you have enough clues to at least invest in attempting a diagnosis. You have to dig pretty deep, and it's like this with a lot of us.
A lot of what you think is normal, isn't normal. But if you're autistic, it's normal for you so how would you know otherwise.
Thank G-d for professionals - that's why they're there.

it seems to me you very well could still be... It's hard to know for certain with just a few excerpts, but things like understanding body language or other nonverbal communication are quite learnable, as are many other "non-aspie" behaviors. They are also un-learnable.

When I was younger and constantly around people, I fit in fairly well and only showed a few signs of being different, enough so that, aside from when I went into my own little world, I appeared basically normal, at least for a little while. I could even maintain a decently normal conversation, so long as it wasn't "small talk". After having spent the last 7 years in near isolation (moved to a new state and didn't get out to meet anybody), I have un-learned abilities like appropriate eye contact, reading body language, and conversation skills. Nowadays, about the only things I can manage to have conversations about are my special interests, and then I do the standard one-sided rambling on about them without noticing that the other person really has no interest in what I am talking about...

Just because you don't have all of the symptoms that are stereotypical of a diagnosis doesn't mean anything. You could have very possibly learned to adapt, or else you may just not have all of the characteristic earmarks. There are also other possibilities though, and the autism spectrum is quite diverse. No two people are exactly the same, and I doubt very much that all aspies fit into the same box either.

fore I answer your - have you read my post? Whatcha think of it? Thanks.

As for the impairments my possible Asperger´s causes in my life:
there definitely ARE limits.

A) I can´t start or withold a relationship, I dunno how to do it. I am quite pretty and smart, but men in general find me too weird. They also think I have too many specific interests which they don´t understand and want to discuss with me.

B) Social gatherings and events exhaust me. I used to have panic attactks when I was younger, but I´ve already overcome it. I don´t like people because they hurt me a lot in the past. I´ve been severely bullied by them when I was a kid / a teenager. I don´t trust most people. That´s also one of the main reasons I have trouble staying in relationships.

C) I have a great fluctuancy in my work area.

And other things.

Meh. It's a spectrum. Maybe you're a tint.

I can't say if I'd diagnose you definitively because It's not my special interest and my knowledge is limited, but it seems like you meet most of the written criteria for an Asperger's diagnosis. I can say that, when I first discovered Asperger's, this forum and how relevant all of the symptoms were (only about a year ago despite my account creation date) I immediately called my 5-year ex-girlfriend (who'd taken quite a few psychological and developmental college classes) and asked what she thought. She told me outright that it'd be an absolute waste of my time to pursue a diagnosis and I didn't exhibit any of the symptoms. Fast-forward and here I am, professionally diagnosed and even scoring in the autism range on some aspects of social interaction. Basically, quite deficient and in need of serious help. My point is, don't let anyone else convince you of anything, not unless they're a qualified professional...I think many people have some self-serving agenda when they voice their opinion. Friends that want you to 'cheer up' and feel 'good about yourself' will tell you, you don't have it and acquaintances who'd rather keep calling you weird or strange, as if it's your fault, will tell you the same *cough* ex-girlfriend *cough* Most of all, 99% of the population couldn't list more than a few stereotyped Asperger's symptoms if their life depended on it, haha. If you're having all of those issues, there's no doubt you'll get diagnosed with something, anyway. Best of luck down the road with the assessment!

Last edited by windtreeman on 12 Jan 2013, 1:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You seem to have some traits associated with an autism spectrum disorder. However, in order to be diagnosable you need to be impaired by it, thus my question of impairments.

Story of my life, one day I'm certain I have it and other days I'm certain I don't. If I were you I would just trust the psychiatrist and don't try to analyze it yourself... although, not that I think about it, this is a little hypocritical. I have been trying to find if I've had it desperately every since I've started suspecting it. I can't just forget it all- tried that.