Less able to cope: why?

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This is difficult to describe.

I guess it's kind of related to asking about AS symptoms worsening with age, but it's not that exactly. I was put on tranquilisers for anxiety when I was twelve. I have been anxious as long as I can remember. Since the age of seventeen I've been in and out of adult mental health services (out-patient) and had bouts of depression here and there. I've also had a variety of anti-depressants at various times. Obviously I've always had the AS thing of feeling different and the experiences that the traits bring, in socialising etc.

I know that anxiety can worsen things, and I have been going through a worse patch of anxiety for a while now. Things culminated where a lot of stressful things happened at the same time, and I feel as if I've sort of "broken".

What I feel, is that I am less able to cope than ever with just daily living. (I don't mean suicidal BTW).

I mean, I have in the past lived alone and supported myself. Now, I am married with two children. I am a full-time 'housewife' and have not worked for more than seven years, since the birth of my second child. I currently home-educate them both.

I find that looking after the children takes all my mental strength (generally, not just now) and I have let so many things drop. I have special interests in reading subjects and I feel unable to do that any more. I find the smallest thing makes me so stressed, and I think how on earth did I ever live alone, because I would feel totally unable to do that now. Even going out is a huge challenge for me. I feel as if I am barely functioning, just existing on a day-to-date basis. It sounds awful, but it's like the children have drained me. Like before, when I only had myself to look after, I could just about scrape through, albeit with difficulty. My anxiety doesn't seem to be improving, despite medication. I get the urge to run away and be alone so much. I feel like I really need looking after. I feel as if it's impossible for me to cope with anything.

I don't understand this. What do you think is happening? I think it's more than just the anxiety, because I've had a small improvement on that with medication, and the stressful events alleviated. I feel as if my traits are coming out more too.

PS I have wondered whether it's anything to do with this:

I feel like I am less able to deal with things.

Every time someone abuses me, it breaks off
a little piece and cracks the statue a little more,
crumbling the rock face, damaging me more,
can't be repaired.

I don't have the gift of "forgetting" like
regular people do, it all bilds up and bilds up
and breaks me down, every little abuse harms me
and I am less and less able.

One day I will be in a wheelchair I am afraid,
becuse it is going to disable me physicly
and not just mentally.

This sounds awful.
I think this is an obvious case: You have too little alone time, am I right?

If you are no longer coping with things you coped with before, this could be a sign of depression, especially if you are losing your interests or the joy they give you.

I understand that! My only child attends school. I couldn't handle her home all day. Not that I don't love her, but I need my alone time. I am a married, stay at home mom, who just never went to work. I've never worked. I can't handle it. I have gotten MUCH worse lately. The last few years have been bad for me. I find myself isolating myself more and more. I can't leave the house as much. My anxiety is through the roof most days. I have tried anti-depressants and they either make it worse or don't help, so I have stopped there. I have AS plus am transgender, and it just is driving me nuts that I can't be who I want. I want to just run away, but I am WAY too dependent on others and know I could never make it on my own.

Do you go to a specialist like a psychologist on a regular basis?

I regulary go to one and it's a good assistance in life.
Of course, it would be best to get a specialist for autistic disorders, that way you can be sure to get the help you need.

Apparently, you have to restructure your life and that is of course never easy. You should to mention that to that person so you can sit down and plan a new schedule.

Hi, Whirlingmind:

Oh, my goodness. I am a Mom to two young adults and, boy, do I hear you.

Yes, it was HARD and, yes, the anxiety was severe and persistent. Like you, I was a dedicated parent - and it is a lot of work no matter what, but holy did it beat it out of me. And, yes, I would agree the post you quoted from Quaker is in the mix - for me, this really manifest when we had to cope with the complexity of my own children's teen years after the h*** that was mine, plus the certain complicating factors of AS as I did not know what I was dealing with at that point. We made it, but yes, I can relate to what you are saying.

Just an idea: is there a homeschooling group near you? Maybe your kids could join in on some activities that would allow you some quiet time.

I realize I just stated an idea, but do you want some ideas - just for brainstorming purposes?

You are welcome to PM me if you like - anyone can - if you would like to hear more about my parenting experience.

I don't know what sorts of parenting-with-AS books are out there as I am now past that stage, but maybe this is a project in the making. I would be happy to co-write a book if anyone is interested. I could write a : "this was me account" alone, but I do not think it would do justice to the diversity of needs and experiences within the AS community.

I know how hard it is to give your life a proper strucutre, I'm still struggling with it, there are just too many factors one has to consider.

I don't know how old your children are, but it seems to me there should be a way for you to get a break for a few hours each week, if not for at least an hour or two a day, and just be with yourself. I can see how it would be very stressful to have children around that you're responsible for 24/7.

Is there a chance of trading some time with another SAHM for instance? Each of you take all of the kids for a regular time, so the other has a break? Does your spouse help you get a break? Can you afford daycare for a few hours a week?

I think the idea of home schooling is great. If we'd had children, we talked many times about it, we would have home schooled, and I have often wished I'd been home schooled. But no one, especially someone who is affected by stress and anxiety, or on the spectrum, can be expected to handle the constant load.

Hopefully as your children get older you can hold them responsible for their own time to some extent, set them up with an activity and let them know you need your quiet time, close a door between you and decompress for a while. I know that's not possible with smaller children unless you have another adult around to take them, but they have to learn at some point to entertain themselves.

I hope you can find a solution to this. I'm in awe of what it takes. When I remember all that my mom did for us, both when she was at home and when she held a fulltime job as well, I think she was a saint.