If you've met one aspie...which bits are aspie?

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So the saying goes, "If you've met one aspie, you've met one aspie". We all (supposedly) have the same underlying cause(s) that makes us autistic, but the manifestations are so varied between us that no to aspies are the same.

While I feel I can mostly relate to other aspies in terms of the common and broad manifestations (such as social awkwardness, hypersensitivities, being details-focused, etc.), there are quite a number of difficulties that I face which don't seem to be shared by many people at all, let alone other aspies. I have trouble figuring out whether my problems are due to the autism, or something else. This makes it hard to explain the issues to other people.

I have told a lot of people about my diagnosis now. Sometimes I will refer to it when trying to explain why I am having trouble doing something, e.g. "I know it's no big deal to you but it really helps me a lot if you can tell me in advance what time we are supposed to meet, and what I am expected to wear/bring". These sorts of things I can explain to the people close to me as being autism-related.

But what about the strange ones? There are plenty of things that I could say are autism-related but I really don't know for sure. Do you think it's okay to explain these things in that way, or is it another step closer to "giving excuses" and "using my diagnosis to get away with things"? Should I just put these things down to personal quirks, and try to get through them alone, or share them as quirks, or share them as aspie traits?

What have you found works best for you?


You might want examples:

1. When people hear that I studied psychology, they sometimes ask me something about a theorist or concept, keen to get my views or pass on what I have learned. Most of the time, I have next to nothing to provide them with. While I found studying psychology to be fascinating, and really enjoyed "learning" at the time, the information just doesn't seem to be available to me at a later date. I feel I may have a real issue with memory "recall" (in other words, I am good with recognition, but cannot call up information without a lot of prompting). I've not really heard other aspies discussing this issue; more likely they suffer from short-term memory problems. So I struggle to explain to people why I really don't "know much" about a subject I studied for four years.

2. At work a few weeks ago, myself and a colleague were asked to volunteer to take meeting minutes, as the usual person was sick. I did not volunteer, and explained that I am actually terrible at taking minutes so they would be better off without me there, as my notes would not be useful. I explained that this is something I am very aware is not a strength of mine, and that they shouldn't hesitate to ask me to volunteer for the next task - I'm not unwilling to help, I just genuinely would not be of value in this situation. They don't know about my diagnosis anyway, but if they did, I would have no idea whether I could explain this as an AS trait, or just something I suck at.

Btw, I don't have a diagnosis so I don't know if this will help, however I do suspect that I have AS.

I only tend to get on with people who are open-minded and accepting of difference anyway so it's not really an issue. I might say
'I do this due to my Aspergers' sometimes but it's usually me volunteering the information, not them seeking an explanation for my behaviour and I'd only say it to people I knew really well anyway as it's no one else's business plus it would be meaningless to 99% of people anyway.

The type of people who need to be placated with explanations and cover-ups of any kind of overtly autistic/'weird' behaviour aren't the sort to want to interact with me anyway ie I never pass their 'NT enough' test from the word go so I'm spared all the problems of having to conform to their agenda. This type of person can often make me feel oppressed and rejected but I think I have a lucky escape from them as they are ridiculously intolerant of anyone who isn't just like them. I loathe this type of person and never even attempt to be like them; I prefer to just avoid them as they are toxic to my mental health.

So I'd say just be yourself and anyone who can't accept that isn't worth your time anyway.

Yellowtamarin, I am the same way about long-term recall.

I can hardly remember anything I've learned more than a few months ago unless I am currently using it. If it becomes important to me again and I start using it again I can re-learn it the second time faster than the first time, or some of it comes back to me, but it's not like I just keep knowing it.

I've always been amazed that people could go to grad school once and then continue to use that information during their whole lives or professional careers.

for me I think it has to do with how my brain will get very passionate about whatever is important to me at the time, and I can remember a lot about my current interests, but that seems to come at the expense of subject matter I've learned in the past.

And this is only the case for things I've learned in school. Other things that I learned as part of my life, I can usually remember just fine.

If I find it likely that my autism cause a reaction I refer to it.

I have a great long-time recall (and a bad short-time memory); and have never had any problems remembering what I find important to remember at the moment, but all the other students I've met has had problems recalling what they have learned for some years ago; even if they had an interest in it. I personally believe that it has much to do about the study technique used in the study.

But if asked by a person about it I seldom say much about it and refer to books they can read. This is because it will involve a many-hour long lecture to get them understand what I mean since I know a bit too much; which make all the knowledge a chaos and very complex, and those without the same kind of education often know too little, making the distance between us to big to answer a question.

This isn't really a problem for me, mostly because I don't disclose that I have Asperger's/autism to 99% of people. I think people would assume I have many more difficulties than I actually do if I disclosed to someone knowing little or nothing about it.

In the US you would be able to report that kind of discrimination to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and your employer could get in trouble. Under the Americans with Disabilities Act we are supposed to get accommodated for whatever we need that is reasonable, so long as we can still do the essential functions of the job.
Maybe there is something like that in the UK?

I've taken minutes as part of two previous Administrator jobs and I had the same problems that people mention here ie not being able to get all the details down fast enough, finding it very hard to summarise and my mind wandering and forgetting I was meant to be writing things down if I started thinking about what was being said. I did still manage to do the minutes and they were very detailed and long usually lol. So they were a major effort but I was still able to do them. I wasn't good at typing them up quickly though so they were often only ready a day or so before the next meeting. In terms of capturing what was actually said at a meeting though, they were very good!

Why not just say that you have difficulty with these things 'probably because of AS' or 'maybe linked to AS'. I can't imagine that they would push for anything more concrete if they are already aware of the condition.

I have the same issue with memory recall. I studied microbiology for several years and really have a very good understanding of the subject and can easily decipher any scientific studies. But, don't ask me any specifics, as I forgot all of that, during the summer just after my last year.

I used to take minutes in my job and I was good at it. I don't know why really, as it's the kind of thing that I really shouldn't be any good at, but the results speak for themselves. Maybe it's because the meetings that I took minutes at were very structured and had a legal basis, even if there was plenty of diversions and tangents. I spent the some of my time logging data about the same topic and I just seemed to know what was relevant for the purposes of the court case. The rest was just chit chat.