Telling my dad about my AS?

Post Reply New Topic

My father and I have never gotten along well and I think this has a lot to do with my AS. We simply don't understand each other. I can never tell when he's joking or being serious and always take was he says literally; and the things he says often leave me unsettled and angry. He can be really cruel and this often leads to him calling me offensive names. I wish to be closer to my father and I feel that explaining that I have AS may help him to better understand me. However, with his tendency to be mean, I wonder if I should even bother trying knowing that it's highly probable that he'll only insult me by joking about my being "mildly ret*d". Suggestions? Should I even bother?

the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. sounds like it's just one more thing he could use against you.

Pip, I feel as if we are one and the same (and that is rare for us with AS). I always take my stepdad literally. He can be cruel sometimes as well. Before I even knew about Asperger's, he would make fun of my childish characteristics such as my meltdowns and my love for things below my age level. We both know that I have it now, and he understands a little more of how I work, but he does still get angry and call me names (crybaby is common) and I try so hard not to let it affect me. It will be difficult, but perhaps he will understand. There is nothing to lose in this relationship but the relationship itself. And if that happens, know that it was supposed to be that way. Don't go back to him if he makes fun of you. You may still have to see him sometimes, or much more if you live together, but tell him how he makes you feel. Explain to him, "there are a lot of things going on right now, and I think one of the reasons we have so many problems is because I have Asperger's." then tell him how the disorder effects you, and, ultimately, your relationship as a whole. Be sure you don't use AS as a scapegoat for EVERYTHING you do...just the parts where it is true. I am not telling you that you are a liar, I am arranging my vocabulary so that you may understand that being autistic doesn't effect every aspect of your life. Only the parts where you let the spectrum shine through
Carry on, dear, you're worth it.

Thank you servicedogrights25, it's nice to know someone can relate, as I often feel that they cannot. I do intend to tell him and will hope for the best as our relationship is already at risk of being nonexistent. And do not worry, I have no intention of using my AS as a scapegoat. I know you are not acquainted with me personally, but I am not the type of person to hide behind labels when I make mistakes. I am who I am and no one can change that . I've been dealing with my father's demeaning behavior for a long time; mostly in regards to my (like you) emotional responses. I've also dealt with his criticizing me for my struggles with gender identity. I've always been somewhat androgynous, not in my bodily structure but none of my interests were ever particularly feminine, and neither is my appearance. I have shortly cropped hair, rarely wear makeup, and I dress for comfort and practicality. He has gone so far as referring to me as a boy. I feel that how he chooses to react to this detail of my life will have a large impact on me, so I hope it is positive.