Could it be aspergers???

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Our 11 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago. The symptoms were clearly there and had been for quite some time. While his medication does help with the symptoms of the ADHD, it has caused some other things to become more apparent as time has gone on. He doesn't have friends as such...he has aquaintenances. Nobody he really pals around with. He has a very hard time talking to and associating with others....teachers, other kids, even family from time to time. He very rarely will start a conversation with others outside of immediate family. Since early in his childhood, he's been very accident prone and awkward. We recently went to his school for an event and while watching him, he sat very solemnly ringing his hands and fingers to the point that his hands became red. He doesn't communicate his feelings very well with others. He lashes out and screams in situations when it's really not necessary. He is VERY smart and can tell you most anything you wanna know about history and trivial facts. This is just a few of the things that come to mind. I've researched it as many probably have and it sounds like a clear cut case but from what I've read, doctors seem to not really diagnose it like it should be. It absolutely breaks our hearts to see how he functions outside of home...especially the social anxiety. Does this sound like Aspergers to yall??? I considered talkin to his doc about a low dose of an anti-anxiety med along with his ADHD med. Anyone else ever gone that route?? Did it help with the social anxiety??

It sounds very much like Asperger's to me (I am diagnosed with it myself and have some similar traits).

However, don't just think in terms of, "How can I fix this with a drug?" That's a little unsettling. Think of it more like, say, dyslexia. A dyslexic cannot take a pill that will magically rewire his or her brain to read like a non-dyslexic person. Likewise, an aspie cannot take a pill that will rewire their brain and make them socialize and participate in things like a "normal" kid. Unfortunately, though, it's easy to want to do that, because medicines CAN make things look better by putting people into a calmer haze. I agree that there is a time and a place for such things (e.g., in cases of severe mental health issues), but I urge you to look into more behavioral/counseling type things first.

I don't want to go too overboard with the meds thing; just speaking from my own experience with an eating disorder. My counselor put me on Prozac for a while, which (unfortunately) provides the perfect metaphor: I gained 20 pounds and looked 'cured' on the outside, but by NO means was I truly "fixed."

from your discription it sounded like you were discribeing myself back then. (was into war history in grade 2) Of course a proper diagnosis would be in order however its not the end of the world, school was always the worst part of my life by far. Friends can be found just not usally in the usual places and ages.

Have you tried describing Asperger Syndrome to your son and seeing if he thinks he has it?

VERY valid point about the medication. I guess I'm just hurting so much for him that I just want a quick way to "make things better" for him. I have in a round about way talked to him about Aspergers and he feels like he fits into the category. The thoughts of him having it isn't what bothers me at all...it's just seeing him struggle so that hurts me. Like rapidroy said...school is the worst part of his life too and it's such a shame because he is soooo smart. Every night at bed time and in the mornings (just when he has to go to school) he complains with his stomach hurtin and we're certain it's his nerves because he doesn't complain on the weekends or if he doesn't have to go to school. We live in a small rural community and their aren't really resources around here for behavioral counseling.

For me the best part of my life was when we were living for a year in a northern small town, yes the doctor knew nothing and misdiagnosed and school had no supports, however at the same time nobody cared that you were different and I just was just left alone to be me, it was okay. That all changed when we moved back to the city, suddenly I was a major problem for the system.

For the most part I have wrote off my school years as a crewl learning expirence and the same for most of the people I met there, they did not want to be my friend and when they did want to work with me, usally in my field of intrests they wanted my knowage and labor and hardly ever my friendship. Like I said there are people who will gladly be your childs friend, but if hes like me it won't come from the usual places(ie school, sports teams) and age groups, i'm 23 and my closer friends are like 60 and over and I share an intense intrest with them and I feel like i'm more on there level. Always had a hard time relating to my classmates.

I have about 50 aquaintenances compared to my 2 or 3 closer friends, all are related to my intrests and honestly as depressing as that sounds thats really good enough for me, I can live with that.

I agree about the medication too, I've cut out everything thats not needed for a major issue, and take the minimum dosage i can get away with, the as bad as AS can be at times, being a robot is worse.

To give a little back history...my husband and I have been married for 20 years. I'd noticed "things" in him over the 20 years and hadn't really said anything. It wasn't until we saw something on TV about Aspergers that he came to me and said that he believed he and our son both had it. After researching it, it all became very clear to me that my husband most likely does have it but he's 40 years old now and figures..."i've struggled with it silently all my life so what difference is a REAL diagnosis gonna make" Our son is a different case though since we've recognised it early on and now a days, kids can be so brutal to someone who's "different". He allows kids to "pick on him" because he thinks that's winnng their friendship and like you said, they only wanna be his "bud" when it's gonna benefit them. We've considered homeschooling him because of it. It'd be hard since my husband and I both work but I think he'd benefit from it more. We have a doctor's appointment this week for his ADHD med refills and I was gonna talk to them about changing his med to Straterra because he's worked up to 30 mg Adderall and while yes it does work, he has NO appetite and really no emotion. I read an article about Straterra helping some with the anxiety that kids with Aspergers feel. I haven't really discussed what I think with him and don't know if I even should since I just THINK that's what it is although I'm 99% sure. I also don't know if I should bring it up to his doctor or handle it on my own. I'm feeling alot of emotions about it.

If it makes you feel better I was pulled out of school twice by mom (gr 4 and 6). High School was a bit better becouse of the different classes ment different peer groups every class(wasen't as obvious no others I had no friends) and pick classes more to my intrest, still could go days realizing I never said a word all day to anyone anytime. I do hold a HS diploma after all that so it can be done. keep in mind your sons potenial AS may be more severe then his Dad's, I'm not the first in my family to have AS traits but the first to have it bad enough for a real diagnosis.

Still trying to come to terms with personal issues stemming from bullying in elemenry school, I never knew what was really happening and was trying get along, I was very easy to pick on and take advantage of and was condisioned to not "tattle tale" by the same people doing the harm.

Thing is with all that happned in school I still don't know what I could have done different to fix any of it. I suppose thats why I join in on topics like these.

Hi,

My youngest son was diagnosed with ADD, not hyperactive, when he was little and Aspergers as a young adult. My advice would be, if you have the resources, get him to someone who is experiences with/specializes in AS.

Best to you, LM