Please explain becoming non-verbal

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Obviously I know that it means not speaking, but I previously thought it meant physically unable to speak (as in low-functioning autism). From what I've seen on this forum, I've deduced it means that there are periods where although normally able to speak, you becoming unable to (is it called selective mutism?).

My highly verbal HFA daughter, sometimes won't speak, although she communicates with squeaks and intonations (which is difficult to follow what she wants when she does this). She appears to have complete control over the choice to start to speak again or not though.

I have been trying to think back, as to whether it's something I've done in the past. Like a lot of my traits, especially from being on this forum, I find something often that I do, that I had no idea was part of autism, as it was normal for me I had no idea it was a feature/trait.

I have had periods where I felt so traumatized from things that all I wanted to do was retreat into complete quiet and not talk to anyone. Is this the same thing?

It's a common thing, particularly with females on the spectrum...and it is different from retreating and not wanting to talk to anyone. It's not a choice when your daughter goes mute. When she's stressed or overloaded, and goes mute, she is physically unable to speak, because her brain is in overdrive processing other things, causing speech to shut down.

From my personal experience, I have a fixed amount of social/communication channels = X

Whilst I certainly can, and sometimes do, communicate really well (i.e. I present, teach, etc.), when my other channels (e.g. sensory, stress, etc. = n ) become saturated &/or distracted, then it detracts from X:

X - n

Then my capacity to speak to you is compromised. Further, if I sense that I am not being listened to, which sometimes happens, or I am ill at ease, then = p , then the above formula is further diminished, I reciprocally lose the need to extend myself verbally:

(X - n) / p

In essence, that's why I can be nonverbal. But writing is a different function. Oftentimes I can and will write it, but not speak it if those extraneous factors are at play.

whirlingmind, to answer your query better, yes, us Aspies can and do communicate but there is always the social communication factor, which is very plastic to those extraneous forces. This function is in stark contrast to any given neurotypical as their social communication ( = verbal speech) pretty much remains constant regardless of outside factors. In fact, for most neurotypicals, when/if they are feeling upset / blue / hurt / stressed, etc. they feel a need to express it. Case in point, women needing to verbally 'talking it out' with their girlfriends. For us, it can be the polar opposite - to turn inward.

Importantly, if/when I am thinking and formulating, coming with new ideas, a very inherently positive and creative process, then I similarly oftentimes do not speak. I need to turn inward in order to formulate. Much like how you might turn off the radio when you're in deep thought. For me, verbal speech can be just noise that is merely a distraction. At times, human speech is only noise without meaning. I literally hear blah blah blah.

I am aware that for those who are 'classic' low-functioning autistics, verbal speech deficits can be very real and their paucity of speech may be more profound where other factors are at play. AS is another manifestation of autism.

Not necessarily. Although there are certainly sex differences in AS, there's no real evidence that females exhibit more/less muteness. Lots of Aspie males do not speak when they're stressed, by the same function as my above post.

This, I feel overloaded and cannot speak when stressed as if it is physically impossible. like a traffic jam on a major express way. This was a great problem growing up. Lots of shut downs.

So if say, I'd just had an argument or confrontation with someone (I'm an Aspie) and felt overwhelmed and felt unable to speak to them/anyone for a couple of days (not from sulking!) and just withdrew a bit from the world, that wouldn't be being non-verbal in it's true meaning?

hmmm...for me It was more in the moment, and wasn't always when I was under stress either. I never felt like I couldn't speak to anyone for days or wanted to hide away, that doesn't sound like the true meaning. I was unable to speak to people even when I wanted to speak. It was mostly around my family and when they asked personal questions, were mad at me, trying to get information out of me, even something simple like asking me about my day... I seemed to only speak on my terms.

Last edited by Dreycrux on 14 Jan 2013, 4:56 am, edited 2 times in total.

Oh I don't know....I think that's a globally common phenomenon where any person (Aspie or NT) is just upset with somebody and chooses not to speak to them. Everyone does that from time to time. But that's a different issue than is selective muteness, yes?

Instead, the pertinent issue might be that for NTs, communication is de rigueur; a constant. For any given Aspie, the question might be, why should I need to?

This argument has a peculiar twist as well - how this query is framed. What I mean is, the query is inherently from a neurotypical perspective. Verbal speech seems to be their penultimate goal. If it is lacking, then something is awry. So many neuro-psych processionals will insist upon this! "If they're not speaking, then that's WRONG!" But, from the other side, why must one always need to speak? Why, to satisfy the NT need for constant communication? Are there not more important things from time to time? Sometimes even the query is backwards.

In a sense, it's like comparing dog behaviour to cat behaviour - they're not the same. Nor should they be. It's not that we're becoming non-verbal, but maybe instead that we don't feel the pressing need to be.

Why won't my Aspie speak on command? = (Why won't my cat sit on command? After all, the dog does!)

Answer: There's nothing the matter with your cat. Instead, your cat is a different from your dog and it's a bit anthropomorphic to expect your cat to heed your every desire as your dog might. Your Aspie is just deep in thought, which is a different tract from being verbally communicative with you.

I understand what you are saying. NTs might judge Aspies for withdrawing in such a way, but that is frequently the only way an Aspie can recover from an overwhelming situation. That judgement is a pressure from the rest of society to conform to what is normal for them, although I'm sure even NT's withdraw sometimes too. I can't talk things through at the time I'm overwhelmed. Perhaps later I might want to resolve it with a conversation, but that can lead to me feeling overwhelmed very quickly again because the NT in question will be unable to comprehend my 'side' of it.

However, I do feel that when I withdraw in this way, I absolutely cannot talk. I need to be totally alone and quiet. So in a way I'm unable to talk, and if anyone tried to force me I would likely have a total meltdown.

Look at this question:

If the autistic person feels they need to speak while in this situation, can they?

When I refer to going nonverbal the answer is no.

It's not about wanting to withdraw, or about it being more comfortable to withdraw, or about not wanting to speak, or about any of that.

It's about not being able to speak no matter how hard I try. Even when I feel it is necessary for me to speak in these situations I cannot do it. I cannot get out of it by my choice. I cannot get out of it by just leaving the situation, or by trying to talk to someone else instead, even. I just can't speak because I'm that shutdown, that overloaded, and that much not processing things properly. I need to wait it out, and do things to help myself reset my processing to try to speed up the resetting because being that shutdown I tend to lose abilities beyond speech.

When I "go nonverbal", I feel like I cannot physically speak.

^^^^

When I cannot speak it's not because of what I want to do - if I want to speak, I can't. Sometimes I can get one or two words out (which is one way I differ from Tuttle), but I cannot communicate verbally in any effective manner.

Hi Whirlingmind, how old is your daughter?
Sometimes i squeak too when i verbally stim (my mom calls it beeping, yet its high pitched, my gf said it can be ear piercing) yet i usually
only squeak when i am excited or happy. There have been times where i do a verbal tonal range/hum/noises that if i am trying to get my gf's attention however i rarely do that.

What is interesting is that even while your daughter isn't speaking, she is still communicating with squeaks and intonations.
It's probably different intonations for different things she might want.

During the periods when your daughter doesn't speak, is she having sensory overload or stress that may cause her to want to shutdown?

In certain specific situation where i have an extreme load of stress (i.e. fought with my gf, saw something traumatizing) i will go mute and stay there inside my head. There are no words to say or make sentences out of. I am just there as things can be too overwhelming. I am there existing and just need the quiet in my head. At times of very bad stress, it's almost as if my mind feels broken and i can't even put together simple sentences.
For me, it feels like a shutdown is a defense mechanism for me and my mind. The stress makes me unable to talk or even be able to try and think to talk to make words. My gf says i just get overwhelmed... It's hard for me to explain this.

Has anyone ever just really focused on something, and say you almost had found the answer to a equation, or a mystery in life, or even a problem only you cared to solve? and you were sooo close to finding the answer with all this info inside your brain, then your brain just seems to short out...?

Maybe a shutdown is a way the mind/brain has of protecting itself

In a hard convirse that requires deep thought people sometimes notice my voice getting progressively quieter and complain about mumbling until I just stop talking all together eventhough i'm still phyicaly trying. I can't do filler/bridge talk and think like most people. If I don't have an answer I just don't give one, I can't rejoin the converse until my mind is done thinking, when i'm deep thinking its a likely time to push me from a shutdown into a meltdown if you persist to push me. Bottom line, wait a few minutes you will get your answer. Thats all I have.

^^This is exactly my experience of what being non-verbal is like, I couldn't have said it better.

As my user name might suggest, there has been many times in my life when i've been unable to speak for varying lengths of time. It's not an emotionally tied reaction to something, but more as others have said, sometimes when things become too complicated or i'm over stimulated, the part of my brain that must control speech shuts down.

It's not a matter of wanting to speak or not, the best way to describe it is forgetting about speech completely.

Interesting and I've wondered about this too, having never experienced anything like it myself. Thanks, Tuttle for the explanation and whirlingmind for posting the question!

When you "go non-verbal" can you still understand speech as normal? Can you mimic individual words or syllables others say? Can you still communicate words in other ways, like writing or typing?