Anxiety Issues

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Sometimes I say or do crazy things when my anxiety reaches its peak. My Aspergers came with an anxiety disorder that has often made me look foolish in the worst possible ways.

Years ago during a Saturday, my dad told me to pull all of the weeds around the house before he got back from work or he would kill me and he said he meant it. It was a very hot day and I could only pull half of one side of the house even with my middle brother helping me and my littlest brother couldn't care less (as usual). Once my dad got home, I locked my bedroom door and barricaded it after shutting down the house's power so he wouldn't know I was playing any games or watching TV. He knocked on my door and asked me to open it. He sounded calm but I didn't trust him. I told him he was going to kill me and then he said no, and that he was glad that I took some time to pull some weeds and to make sure I get the rest of them tomorrow and he was also a little ticked about the power. I unlocked my door and saw him heading off to bed to take a nap as he usually does after coming home from work on a Saturday. No knife? No shotgun to the face? No strangling? The rest of the day went fine.

Not a day goes by when I think about that one Saturday years ago. I suppose he bluffed when he said he was going to kill me if I didn't finish pulling the weeds just for extra motivation. But still, I don't like it when people take advantage of my anxiety just to get me to do a task especially when I can't read a person.

Years before that, I always hated going outside on warm days because I feared gnats would buzz into my ears and eyes. It was unbearable for me. Before I went outside, I would always put my shirt over my head to cover my ears. Other kids made fun of me because I looked like Cornholio (See Beavis and Butthead to understand this) in that state.

There were many more situations that were just as bad or worse than those two but they escape my thoughts for now. Despite all that, I beg for one whole day where I could drop my guard and nothing bad will happen even if it would involve me in some way. No more anxiety, no more stress, no more doing stupid things to defend myself even towards non-existent threats and sometimes people would think I'm an idiot, no more fear of the future, and no more pessimism. That wish has yet to come true.

Anyone else do anything stupid out of anxiety and looked foolish?

When I get anxious I go quiet. Then I pick up that i'm being too quiet and try to compensate by saying something, anything, to break the silence, and that's usually where I mess up. I've become a lot better at it over the years, but i'll still have moments where people react in a way I wasn't expecting and I realize my mistake.

As for your dad threatening to kill you, that's an extreme thing to say. I've heard it said a few times myself and have come to ignore it as being a hollow threat, but still a very unpleasant thing to say to anyone. If I were you i'd be honest with him next time he says it, tell him that it stresses you out and you don't like hearing it. I can't imagine any reason for him to ignore such a reasonable request.

I am the great Cornholio
And I must have TV for my eyehole

I experience shutdowns/meltdowns/panic attacks, depending on how anxious I am. As for doing stupid stuff out of anxiety...does quitting a job after two days count? I tend to be a little impulsive when I get upset.

staying away from the lions' share of people as much as possible did wonders for my anxiety.

My mother made threats similar to the OPs dad such as "i'll kill you" or "i'll break every bone in your body" etc those types of things that
can make a child physically sick with fear. My mother also was physical abusive at times so i guess that made it worse.
The latter comment above got the school checking into my homelife via some counselor at the school, however my mother made sure i had memorized what to say as foster homes can be so bad and bad things happen there and treacherous and i'd never see again.

I think my mother had some version of Borderline Personality Disorder. So i have forgiven her for my childhood.
Last thing i would want to do is repeat that pattern of parenting.

The only difference between Chloe33's mom and my dad is beer. I've never had a case where he went to far except for the family Christmas party a few years back. We were celebrating at my grandpa's house. Just as grandpa was about to say a few words, everyone started leaving and then my dad went into rage. Afterwards, it was the first time I've ever seen my dad cry. Things are pretty unstable enough on my dad's side of the family. He and his brothers went separate ways and they almost never communicate anymore. Not even a phone call now and then. Mom's side of the family likes to stay in touch but it's a different story for dad's. Lung cancer took grandma away years ago and then on my 20th birthday, grandpa decided to go back to being a Jehovah's Witness. Nowadays my dad only gets upset when he and mom are arguing over something and the last thing I want is for the subject matter to shift towards me and my future. He already thinks me going to college is a waste of money since he knows I'm never going to get a job. I know that if I do, I'll have to say goodbye to my monthly $710. Who knows? Maybe once I graduate, I'll be self-employed. I am taking a web design course this semester and I got the hang of it so far.

Good for you for continuing with your college!! ! That takes a lot of strength and determination. Anxiety sucks, but - it is just anxiety, not a measure of who you are. You are that much stronger accomplishing what you do in spite of it! Heck ,I'm proud of you!

The extent of my anxiety now is studdering. especially if I'm in a social situation and i dont know what to talk about, other than that ocassionaly I'll have a bad panic attack but thats about it

Thanks. That really means a lot. I've been in college for 3 years and I've only failed one course, took the summer semester off, then retook the course and passed it. Online courses don't do it for me anymore now that I've exhausted every free trial I can find. I need to save money for much rainier days. My text books for the classes I'm currently taking were expensive enough. Sure I get $710 a month but there's a limit to how much I can save or they won't give more until I spend some.

I used to experience severe panic attacks, then rage. Now that I've discovered how to better manage those, I basically go purposefully non-verbal until I calm down again.(This can take anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of days) I have to otherwise I end up offending someone or breaking something, (I've had to lock myself in my room or, when in public, simply walk away to keep myself from becoming involved in physical confrontation) only getting me in worse trouble than before. It is not so bad when I have these moments in the privacy of my own home, but when they happen in public it is quite embarrassing.

I tried a little synthetic cannabis and that stuff made me real anxious.
Sugar and caffeine doesn't help, also avoid electronics or bright lights 2 hours before sleep.

parents and bad parenting have been a source of suffering for many a millennia,
disassociate emotionally and do your own thing, dads can be cocks