Page 1 of 2 [ 19 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

SandsOfTheSoul
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 76
Location: Liverpool UK

16 Jan 2013, 11:00 am

I just feel very weird and alien in other people's houses/apartments. I just can never feel comfortable in them. It's very rare that the house I live in gets visitors but when it does I don't interact with them much at all and after they've left I feel like they they were an intruder that's 'violated' the house.



TGH
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2013
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 32

16 Jan 2013, 11:05 am

I can relate. Well- I don't so much mind being in another home than staying there for an extended period of time. When I was younger I could never do sleepovers with anyone other than family. It is uncomfortable so I see where you're coming from.


_________________
So apparently I have "a very small trace of Aspergers?". Yeah, not sure what that means. But hey, any help I can give I will.

Glad to meet to you all! :)


AgentPalpatine
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,881
Location: Near the Delaware River

16 Jan 2013, 11:14 am

It's (at the very least) Western culture to feel strange in someone else's home, since home is one of the most precious spaces to us. You're a guest, not an owner, of someone else's home.

I don't know about any other culture when it comes to that.

As for your own residence, I don't know anyone who does'nt get a little upset after things are moved around by guests. It's just one of the joys of hospitality. The rise of hotels since the 1940s has probably gotten rid of most of the obligations of hospitality, at least for those outside the immediate family, so now it's really just an inconvience.


_________________
Our first challenge is to create an entire economic infrastructure, from top to bottom, out of whole cloth.
-CEO Nwabudike Morgan, "The Centauri Monopoly"
Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri (Firaxis Games)


SandsOfTheSoul
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 76
Location: Liverpool UK

16 Jan 2013, 11:18 am

It's the presence of someone else in my home and I can feel that presence or residual idea of them after they've gone. (Not in a psychic way! Lol)



jk1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,817

16 Jan 2013, 11:33 am

I don't know if how I feel is the same as how the OP feels.

I really don't like having people in my place because I don't trust other people's hygiene (I require them to take off their shoes, but are their feet clean?; Are their clothes etc clean enough to sit on my furniture?) and because I feel my privacy is being seen/violated by them.

I feel uncomfortable in other people's place because I might be violating them in some way like they do me in my place and because I can't trust their hygiene (is this sofa clean enough?; was this coffee cup washed properly?). If they have a dog or something, it's even worse.



Chloe33
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 845

16 Jan 2013, 11:40 am

SandsOfTheSoul wrote:
I just feel very weird and alien in other people's houses/apartments. I just can never feel comfortable in them. It's very rare that the house I live in gets visitors but when it does I don't interact with them much at all and after they've left I feel like they they were an intruder that's 'violated' the house.


This is the same as i feel. I've had my in laws here and felt uncomfortable in my own home. We hardly get any visitors here since i am like this however my gf's mother is the type of person who doesn't seem to care about my discomfort and laid on the couch in a bra and boxers.
I was so perplexed by her behavior. Her family has the whole Anti-Social genetic running about (at least in full form in 2 members of the family) and i wasn't sure if the mom was trying to make me feel weird in my own home or what...

Our Neighbors down the road i am friends with and i will stop over their house to talk, yet i never stay that long.
If we have to go to my in laws for Holidays i usually get answer the minute we arrive and i pace and am so umcomfy. We don't end up
staying long during holidays either, usually to eat and a little talk for them, then we leave. I have to bring a laptop, book, or various items so i can isolate myself if need be.



ablomov
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 406
Location: northern hemisphere

16 Jan 2013, 1:08 pm

yup, sounds like me too. i have a wife here but never other humans, they would seem so overwhelming, so out of place, gauche and crude.



MakaylaTheAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2011
Age: 29
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 14,565
Location: O'er the land of the so-called free and the home of the self-proclaimed brave. (Oregon)

16 Jan 2013, 1:13 pm

I'm more comfortable in my friend's houses. For some of them, I can strut right in and yell out "I'm home!"

For others, it's "Can I leave? No? How about now? No, I'm not trying to be rude!"


_________________
Hi there! Please refer to me as Moss. Unable to change my username to reflect that change. Have a nice day. <3


glasstoria
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 468
Location: Missouri USA

16 Jan 2013, 1:36 pm

I dislike the homes of other people if the house is dirty, smells odd or bad or like icky cooking, if they don't have soft furniture to sit on, etc. Or if they have hyper pets that I am not familiar with, I just want to run away. I don't like eating other people's cooking unless I know them really, really well and know how they prepare things and what we will be eating. I would rather understay my welcome than overstay.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 48 of 200
EQ 12 SQ 70 = Extreme Systemizer


SandsOfTheSoul
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 76
Location: Liverpool UK

16 Jan 2013, 2:47 pm

Personally I can't stand the 'wooden' floors in people apartments. If its real wooden planks then ok but most of the time it's that cheap stuff like a cheap wooden carpet. Destroys any atmosphere in the room



MrStewart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 609

16 Jan 2013, 3:02 pm

Yeah. It's mostly a olfactory issue for me. People's homes always have a smell to them that I find offputting, if not disgusting. Apartments in apartment buildings are the worst. Public buildings and offices usually don't have this. Only residential homes. Airports can bother me for this reason, though. Especially if the city has a more humid climate. Seattle and San Francisco airports, for example, smell weird to me. It's part of the reason I dislike traveling.



Magnanimous
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 292
Location: London

16 Jan 2013, 3:32 pm

It is all familiarity... or at least mostly familiarity.
Partly familiarity with the location itself, and partly familiarity with the person.

If I've been somewhere enough, I become more comfortable being there on subsequent occasions, typically proportional to my familiarity with the place, as you might expect.
I don't have that many friends... and only with two of them am I particularly familiar with their place of residence.
Then there is the other factor: the more relaxed and uninhibited I can be around a person, the more relaxed I'll be in their place of residence... with a possible dividing factor if they live with anyone else of lesser familiarity.

So far as I'm concerned, a person's home and belongings are an extension of themselves... the extended phenotype, basically. As such, how I behave around their stuff is much akin to how I'll behave around them... Since I'm on a non-touch basis with most folk, that necessitates a non-touch basis with their stuff... And funnily enough, even if I am on a touch basis with them, anything I come into contact with goes right back where I found it afterwards... for much the same reason that I wouldn't twist their arm off and try to reattach it to their head or something like that.
Unsurprisingly, people with a lesser regard for property in that sense tend to REALLY wind me up. Even if I let someone into my home, unless they're a VERY close friend, I tend to get morbidly horrified if they touch my stuff without my clearly giving permission.



doiknowyou
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 30 Nov 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 6

16 Jan 2013, 6:17 pm

I have a really hard time opening someone else's fridge or cupboards. Even if all I want is a drink of water.
I always feel like I'm intruding, even if I'm at a friends place or the home of a close relative.
I've recently come to realize this is because I'm not sure what is socially acceptable for me to touch, etc.
But I have recently made allowances in this behaviour for one of my friends, where we set a rule that I could go in the fridge or take a cup, and that made things so much easier!
She always wondered why I would never make my own drink.....



CyborgUprising
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,963
Location: auf der Fahrt durch Niemandsland

16 Jan 2013, 6:31 pm

I can't wait until I get out of someone's place. It seems so intrusive to be in a house in which you don't belong. Even at my friends' places, it feels awkward. Bringing my own vittles and drinks helps, but it is still odd.



loner1984
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jun 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 564

17 Jan 2013, 12:03 am

This is why people don't come into my home and I.don't go into others. Besides people around here always seems to be smokers and they smell so disgusting. Home is for me alone.

And to think some people wants to live together and share bed and stuff pretty crazy. No thank you.



Murderface
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 30 Dec 2012
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 154
Location: Park co Colorado

17 Jan 2013, 12:10 am

SandsOfTheSoul wrote:
I just feel very weird and alien in other people's houses/apartments. I just can never feel comfortable in them. It's very rare that the house I live in gets visitors but when it does I don't interact with them much at all and after they've left I feel like they they were an intruder that's 'violated' the house.

Yes I feel the same unless I know them well. That would be 4 and 3 are my family.


_________________
Death solves all problems no man no problem
Your Aspie score: 148 of 200
AQ 38/50
You are very likely an Aspie