Have a major issue with talking on the phone

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Deinonychus
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04 Feb 2013, 1:11 pm

As some of ya guys know I am a wee bit phone phobic for some reason. It was a mess when I was helping out with the Romney/Ryan campain with phone banking. Any ideas how to overcome this?



Jinks
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04 Feb 2013, 6:00 pm

I have difficulties with phonecalls too, and my phobia over making them has in the past caused me problems due to avoiding important ones. You need to figure out the cause behind the anxiety. Anxiety doesn't appear from nowhere, but rather from experiencing that the thing you are anxious about is difficult, stressful, etc. for you. Autistic people can have difficulty with phonecalls for various reasons, including the lack of visual cues to help interpret the social interaction, making it more difficult than speaking face to face with someone. In my case, I have difficulty with verbal processing, so phonecalls are very hard work because I have to concentrate so hard. I am more likely to make mistakes and need longer to process the communication than I do in face to face speech, and I worry about the other person judging me and thinking I'm an idiot because I stammer and am not able to carry the conversation very well.

Once you know the cause behind your anxiety, you can work on resolving it and finding workarounds to the issue. Where autism is concerned just doing lots of it or trying to remove the anxiety without knowing the cause is unlikely to help you, because it's probably an aspect of your disability which is underlying the problem.



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04 Feb 2013, 6:04 pm

Yes, I have problems with phone calls. They used to be pretty extreme. Now the anxiety issue is a bit better, but it has to be completely silent around me or I won't be able to make out the words properly. My mother never understood that and constantly made loud noises or talked to me when I was on the phone. Eventually I would just go into my room and lock the door. But I still do everything by email if possible.



Chloe33
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04 Feb 2013, 8:40 pm

Phone calls can make me nervous. If it is my gf, mother or good friends i don't mind. These calls don't happen often. My wife lives with me, my mother and friends usually email.
I have been putting off making a call to make another therapist appt that i need to get done. Its the nervousness of having to call i guess, yet mainly because i missed the last appt without calling

Usually we let the phone ring and it has a caller id. So we screen our calls.



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04 Feb 2013, 9:47 pm

I could use some advice for this as well. It's at the point where people who are important to me think I don't like them because I ignore their calls. I don't do it to be rude. It's just that when I get a phone call, I am struck by an unnerving sense of fear and anxiety. If I can't overcome those feelings before the phone stops ringing, I can't pick up. I am losing the support of some of my friends and family because of it. :(



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05 Feb 2013, 3:45 am

I avoid most calls because I don't want to get caught in an awkward situation where I don't know how to respond or what to say. It's gotten me in trouble at work before.

It doesn't help that I have the tendency to interrupt and talk over people over the phone...



restlesspirit
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05 Feb 2013, 6:56 am

Jinks wrote:
I have difficulties with phonecalls too, and my phobia over making them has in the past caused me problems due to avoiding important ones. You need to figure out the cause behind the anxiety. Anxiety doesn't appear from nowhere, but rather from experiencing that the thing you are anxious about is difficult, stressful, etc. for you. Autistic people can have difficulty with phonecalls for various reasons, including the lack of visual cues to help interpret the social interaction, making it more difficult than speaking face to face with someone. In my case, I have difficulty with verbal processing, so phonecalls are very hard work because I have to concentrate so hard. I am more likely to make mistakes and need longer to process the communication than I do in face to face speech, and I worry about the other person judging me and thinking I'm an idiot because I stammer and am not able to carry the conversation very well.

Once you know the cause behind your anxiety, you can work on resolving it and finding workarounds to the issue. Where autism is concerned just doing lots of it or trying to remove the anxiety without knowing the cause is unlikely to help you, because it's probably an aspect of your disability which is underlying the problem.



Me exactly, between verbal processing issues and phone anxiety from childhood memories of my mom call ing my teacher and getting beat afterward,,, I hate phones.. it was part of the issues in a last job as i would procrastinate on important phone calls that had to be made.When i do make calls i have to have total silence and no distractions,, to be able to focus totally on the call.


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Mummy_of_Peanut
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05 Feb 2013, 7:29 am

I had a horrendous job, for someone with a phone phobia, i.e. me. I did the admin for mental health officers, who were based all over the council area. I had to ask them to write reports, despite them already being over-worked. So, I was the bad news at the end of the phone and some of them thought I was picking on them all the time. There was a rota, but it was hard to keep to, due to annual leave, sickness and workers having to do other tasks and being pulled off the rota, etc, but I tried to be fair. After I left to have my baby, the system was changed entirely. Instead of a poor admin worker doing the dirty work, it was the responsibility of the senior mental health workers to delegate to the workers in their area and most of them could speak to the workers face to face.


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Nittrus
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05 Feb 2013, 7:38 pm

This is so me, I call my mom once a month, otherwise I avoid the phone unless it's dire need like to set a doctors appointment or something..



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05 Feb 2013, 8:29 pm

Some more points: I talk to my mother via Skype every evening. Now since I know her, that's not so bad. But I noticed that whenever I'm talking to her and there is some other background noise - like voices from the next room - I very quickly become really agressive and frustrated and probably have to stop the call. I don't know why, but it's highly distressing. Also, unless I'm in an especially good mood, I can't keep concentrated for long. After about 10 to 15 minutes I will have to listen very carefully because the words start to stop making sense.



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06 Feb 2013, 1:55 am

I used to be TERRIFIED of talking on the phone. Then I got a job where I had to be on the phone a lot -- taking information requests, ordering stuff. At first I to write down a script of just what I needed to say so I wouldn't freeze and go mute. Eventually it got easier. I still have a little problem with it, so I'll reheased in my head what I'm going to say before I call. Of course this has taken many years (I'm 52 now) to accomplish. Good luck to you.



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06 Feb 2013, 9:06 am

I have found out that the fear gradually disappears once the actual conversation starts. That is why I focus my willpower on starting (picking up the phone and dialing the number), even though it feels terrifying 8O

There is a nice feeling of relief after being done with it.


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06 Feb 2013, 9:40 am

If the phone call has a clear goal like it is for making an appointment or work related I am mostly able to do it. But I suck as much at small talk on the phone as much as I do in person. I hate it when someone hands me the phone to talk to someone I barely know or who I did not expect to talk to because I do not know what I am supposed to talk about.

Also I have a lot of trouble processing what people are saying to me. People are always asking me whether I am asleep in stead of repeating what they just said. Which make me frustrated and irritated. Because if I was asleep I would not be answering the phone and in the time we are debating whether I am asleep or not I tend to lose my train of thought.

Also I get the feeling people tend to think I am angry when I am not often if I am asking information the person on the other side will start sounding more and more angry and talking louder and louder. I don't get why this happens so often. But when it happens my heart starts racing and I start looking for ways to end the call quickly. And it takes me some time to calm myself down after the call. So all in all. Phone calls are not my favourite thing.


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