Turning it off/on
I'm not sure if I'm AS or NT (a weird one), but maybe someone here could feel identified with what happens to me, or could tell me if it's just silly.
When I'm relaxed, not worried about getting all the information from a conversation, puns, jokes, messages between the lines etc. are just transparent to me. It's like they don't exist. All I get is literal language, and I'm usually too naive for people that don't know me. But I can turn on the "decoding" system and get most of this other meanings if I concentrate. I look closely to other people's body language, think fast all other meanings of their words etc. and either get the real message or get 2 or 3 possible ones so I can actually continue the conversation fluently. The problem is that this way of being takes a lot of energy. And I mean a LOT. It's like being in a meeting where I would be negotiating and alert all the time, but even in a bar, where I'm supposed to be relaxed.
So, does this mean that I'm just naturally gullible and I could learn how to be in the alert mode all the time? I'm 28 and despite my efforts, it doesn't seem to be happening...
I had it turned "off" for a about 5 days once. It was very strange. This was before I suspected AS. I went to this summer camp and I ended up being the most popular kid in a group of 15 or so. I was able to socially communicate with the other kids perfectly- little to no quirkiness. Interestingly, right after the closing ceremony I did something that I hadn't really done before. I gave someone a goodbye hug. It was a friendly gesture but the strange part was that I initiated it. Then, about a minute later someone else gave me a "goodbye hug" and it really ticked me off due to the touching. After that I was a little quirky and different again. I guess I can put extra effort into being NT or even let loose and act kind of strange. At the end of the day, I'm just creepy either way. Heck, I went to a dance a few days ago and I had a girl who is friendly with me jokingly/seriously tell me to stop being so strange just pacing around and not dancing. I think I just have a creepy personality even though I'm really not a bad person at all.
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Do I have HFA? Nope, I've never seen a psychiatrist in my life. I'm just here to talk to you crazies. ; - )
If i get correctly is that you can concentrate and understand fully or almost fully the sarcasm,body gestures etc?
I can do that too,and yeah take a lot of efford, but i can only do it with one person, if we are talking about 2 or 3 persons, my mind just start to fail, and i can neither concentrate, or start decoding others speech.
The way i see it, is that is not a superpower, is just basic logic.
Aspies are very logic, and lets put it this way, we usually, thing like this.
She does X,because of Y, i do Z
Then.
She cry,Because she is sad, I hug her.
When you get older, you start to see that there is a lot of other types of reaction like.
She cry,Because she is happy
She cry, Because she is scared.etc
Your mind just start seeing what is the correct one, but is not intuition, is just logic, you are following a pattern, at least that is what i do.
I have found interacting that way causes serious issues for me.
I would read an average of three novels per day from age 11 through 23 and used context from the novels for my basis of interpretation. Similar coversations would have completely different contexts and my book answers got me physically struck often enough I use it as last resort now. Mirroring is more effective on average.
Taking on the speech patterns and mannerisms of the other person works almost all the time. If I hang with too many people at the same time I end up catatonic. This is not good either.
Manufacturing a personality works in the short term very very well. But this entails ignoring conflicting inputs to maintain the illusion of normalcy. All the personalities are autistic, this took awhile to realize.
When the breakpoint of ignoring too many things is reached I go catatonic once again.
Doctor appointment in three days, a person who is upbeat and chatty about his physical condition and quite ready to be touched and probed is being readied, dropping the attitude after the visit is sometimes hard. Getting older is not making it easier to focus.
Mix and match, mix and match, I just don't want to die in an institution.
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Speed of Dark
Thanks for your replies. It's like rixxar12 says, a matter of finding de pattern and then using logic to apply it. But every person is different. There may be a pattern to fit a lot of their behaviour but it is not a long term solution, since new unexpected outcome will always appear. And I don't want to be like a robot and spend all my energy in this. I'd rather be spontaneous and have a natural relaxed good time without having to worry about these things.
Do you think it is possible to evolve, to become a natural just like after a while, driving a car it becomes an automated task? / by the way, still not something that has happened to me, haha.
Do you think it is possible to evolve, to become a natural just like after a while, driving a car it becomes an automated task? / by the way, still not something that has happened to me, haha.
I dont really know, im 20 right now, and there are things i get quickly, other ones let me thinking, you will get better and probably you can excel at it, but it depend mostly on you, im not going to tell you that you will be getting all social convetions by one year, but you could that is what i think, im happy the way i am, i have tried to do it intuitively, it has gone wrong.
So im just going to stay with my way.
Yeah all that thinking sounds familiar and yeah its exhausting. I often avoid conversations because I can't keep up with all the work and then struggle with how to politely end it if I don't hav a convenient excuse. And even then, some people need a lengthy discussion just to end the conversation and view me as rude anyways. Whenever I've felt my social inabilities were somehow turned off, I eventually found out I was annoying people and that nobody really liked me. So I was either an outcast or bullied. As a result, I became hypervigilant for any cue things were going wrong, but I can't seem to keep up with everything when adding that into it. It sucks when I actually want friends or a relationship, but my scars are deep and many at this point. Sorry to sound depressing.
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Aspie: 166/200
NT: 57/200
AQ: 41/50
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