Is it worth trying to convice others you have Aspergers?

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I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's at 29 (turning 30 this year though) and to be honest I haven't told many people yet. I avoided telling my mother and instead told my aunt; she previously worked in a mental health facility; I explained Asperger's to her and my difficulty with social cues and everything related to Aspers; we spent hours discussing it; in the end while she gave it her best to understand, it appears that she doesn't really believe in Asperger's even though she referenced hearing that the Sandy school shooter had it. She also explained that it might not be all my fault and began listing off all the wrong things my mother did raising me. I don't disagree with her but still even someone as educated and open minded as her can't accept this. I told her that I couldn't have sex or developing relationships because of Aspers (she brought up the topic) and she just can't seem to accept it. I'm young employed, educated and evidently handsome but these things don't matter when it comes to Asperger's.

Truth be told I am expecting this from everyone; Everyone has denied my social issues my entire life and wouldn't medicate me; dozens of Doctors; tens of thousands of Dollars lost on child Psychologist and counselors. I am so highly functional (currently pursuing a Masters in Pysch and working as financial specialist) that its rough; I have excellent eye contact; speak slowly allowing others to speak but these are things that I learned to survive. My job benefits approved a paid leave last week and sent me a letter stating that Asper was a severe condition which could merit additional time off. Even my best friend seems a bit shaky; he understands it thoroughly and even after watching me spiral for years I know he believes me but I can hear the uncertainty in his voice when we discuss the subject; its like he can't accept it. Only my mentor truly believes it whom told me to learn how to use it as a strength. Working with others or just being around others has become unbearable however people will probably just call me a jerk or a loser for acting the way I do. I really hope I am jumping the gun but so far I fear more of the same. I have accepted that I have Autism however others may not be able to.

What has has been your experience? Is it really worth trying to explain this to others. Currently I am so alienated from everyone that I work with and have so few friends as I pushed everyone away that I wonder if its even worth it.

Similar experience here. I don`t bother telling people about it, because I find that mostly they don't care. I would only push the issue if it became a big problem. Since you got the work benefit that should be enough.

I hope learning how to accept myself leads to friends and not just further alienation and scorn and weird looks from others or worst of all everyone just walking away from me. I am considering returning to school to complete two years of Post Bachelorette work so I can apply to Medical school however this will require labs that involve working closely with others and Medical school requires working closely with others as well so I will have to figure this aspie thing out. It would just feel nice knowing that I have the support of others and that others can at least understand whats happening. Oh well, in this life all you ever really have is you.

I had to be convinced I had NVLD/AS, it took almost 2 years after my diagnoses for me to believe it myself, and only after befriending someone else with the same diagnoses.

I pretty much get questions from people about typical AS symptoms or why I can't do something. But I don't bring it up until people basically are like "Hey why are you such an idiot?"

Then again, I'm not really socially anxious in the classic sense, and am reasonably outgoing and stuff. So I look like more of an idiot because of it.

I'm also having a very similar experience.

I'm 31 and diagnosed a Asperger's only few months ago. The only person I have discussed it with is my girlfriend, as we are so close. She seemed to accept it but I can tell there's still skepticism there. I have never found it easy to articulate my thoughts properly and explaining the way AS fits me is no exception. I doubt I will ever tell my parents, which I am fine with. I have found some contentment in the fact that at least I have an answer to confusing oddities I have always been so painfully aware of.

I am also high functioning; intelligent and creative (musically). Unfortunately, this only seems to serve as a detriment to others' understanding and accepting. Every time I think of what someone would say if I told them I had AS, I just wonder how they could possibly grasp the concept. After all, it has taken me 31 years and I still don't get it!

At this point in time I am still extremely confused, despite the answers I have, but also feel very fortunate to have a girlfriend (an amazingly compatible one at that!) I have been browsing the WP forums for a long time and this is the first time a post has really hit home with me. I feel bad for you facing these difficulties and frustrations, but am in turn relieved there is someone else out there in such a strikingly similar situation and frame of mind.

I figure - if telling people requires in-depth explanation likely resulting in disbelief, denial or dismissal - I'll probably just stick to "playing normal".

That's pretty much me. I have an especially hard time telling other people because I can hardly accept the diagnosis myself. It's funny how that is...before being assessed, I was positive that I had Asperger's and I doubt even a psychologist could have convinced me otherwise, but now that I've been tested and definitively diagnosed, I can't seem to come to terms with it. So far, the few people I've told have taken it decently but I agree, the friends I've told have either outright denied its possibility or reluctantly accepted it. They're not only uninterested in how it's affected me, but, generally, have absolutely no knowledge base on the topic. Trying to find people who are receptive or understanding has been a real chore and I've pretty much given up, ha. I'm really glad you've been so academically successful though, keep it up!

Same. 29, recently diagnosed, virgin. Seemingly normal, but not. Too many parallels...

pretty much me. I was sure I had AS, then confirmed diagnosis, now.... do I really have it? And should I even tell people..

I thought there was nothing wrong with me and had the Tom Cruise "All Psychology is Stupid" mentality.

But then I found out stuff was wrong with me.

I think I know what you mean. I'm typically shy so people don't suspect anything more than shyness. Until of course, on the odd occasion when I become extraverted, I suspect people think I'm an idiot because of my blunt loud mouth remarks and continual obliviousness of the fast paced conversation. Then they think I'm either an idiot or stupid, or both.

I feel like an Alien that just made contact with my own but I'm still on planet earth surrounded by earthlings that can't understand that while I am a humanoid Identical to them in almost every way, I am still different in other significant ways; With proof they either don't care even though they give me grief or treat me differently because I am different. We must have done something really bad back home for them to leave us here!! !! !

Asperger's isn't a disease or even a disorder, instead its a different way of thinking; some consider it a possible evolution. You have the fake Aspie's running around claiming to be aspies because they think it's cool and gives them an excuse to either be lazy or pretend to be intelligent (we'll call them a**-burgers).

Finding others like myself after all these years who describe my inner thoughts so clearly makes we want to puke. This seems almost impossible. I really am on the wrong planet. I actually thought when I was growing up that I was actually a celestial being stuck in a dreamer state and everyone around me was a figment of my imagination however I couldn't figure out how to wake up so I would simply have to accept that I am trapped in a world where I would never fit in as I was never really a part of it. I always found harder things easier than difficult things. I will hopefully begin treatment soon; hopefully it will help me to deal with the loneliness.

I wasn't able to find a girl who would actually sleep with me until I was 28 and she was horrible; she walked all over me; crushed my soul and accused me of being gay because I wasn't able to relate to her openly (we dated for 3 weeks; she was my first girlfriend); to be fare she had no friends; wanted to have no friends (or so she claimed) and had her own mental issues. Still It's scary to think I might end single alone and well educated or in a train wreck relationship again. In my current state I can't get into a relationship right now so even a train wreck is likely out of the question. I know I have the ability to get into Medical School with hard work, I know I can practically do anything academic wise that I put my mind to but social interactions and a real genuine and sincere relationship seems so far out of reach. I can spend my life helping others successfully but I just can't seem to help myself in the area's that matter most to me.

lol



cool what treatment? I'm thinking of trying out some medications as well, I'm sick of this social anxiety, I want to feel good and be more confident and have a girlfriend etc

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy along with anything else the treatment facility suggest. Medication does not work for Asperger's as it is not a disorder. Other issues such as Anxiety and Depression may exist however they can be a direct cause of Asperger's in this case medication will not help. I tried numerous different Anti-Depressants and and Anti-Anxiety meds before my diagnosis; they made me a slow zombie and praying for death. When I felt anything It was like cocaine or a constant hangover. I tried hypnotism, and read everybook on relationships and picking up women; trust me I end up walking away from hot girls all the time. Dude Asperger's makes it difficult to read social cues and leads to frustration; meet with a psychologist to determine treatment options and stay away from Medical Doctors; they do not understand Asperger's and the more I learn about Medicine, the more I understand that Medical Doctors know very little at all. There is a reason why Medical schools have a 95% graduation ratio (Mainly because you aren't really learning as much as you are memorizing).

I have tried explaining to a few select others my diagnosis with disasterous consequences.
I lost my best friend over it as he couldnt accept it and made fun of me calling me a ret*d and pointing out my difficulties and saying that I was exaggerating them. In the end it made me feel so dysfunctional it was like the whole power differential of our relationship changed and he suddenly didnt see me on level footing anymore and looked down on me.

I have also explained to my teenage daughter who is having a difficult time being a teenager and she is so embarrassed by it that i have given up. Trying to integrate the truth into our family home is a source of conflict quite often. She as teenagers do occasionally uses it against me and is having trouble coming to terms with it.

So I think that i would have been better off not telling anyone.

The ONLY people who have been understanding are the 3 other autistic people I know, who fully understand, they occasionally pay out on me in a playful way as they do also themselves. Its nice to be able to share with them.

I am not game to try admit to anyone else that I am on the spectrum.
I came close to telling my best friend (female) who has dyslexia I was going to try to explain it like she has difficulty reading and learning but noone would know unless she was in a certain learning environment. Similarly for me I have no trouble acedemically however I am weird and different and socialisation is not my forte. She likes me for who I am and mentions regularly how weird I am, I think ill just leave it at that. I dont want to risk loosing or totally transforming another relationship for the worse.

I've never understood the concept of "convincing others you have AS".
I don't need to "convince" them. When I tell people I have Asperger's, they always say they knew it, or at least, that they had suspected it.

I guess I am somewhat sociable though I don't have anyone I would consider a friend other than my boyfriend. He is bi-polar which can make this relationship stressful at times, but we both think it is worth the work.

I've never been diagnosed myself, but my adult son has and at this point I am fairly certain I am as well.

As for telling anyone? When it affected my work I mentioned to my boss I was diagnosed ADHD but that was it. When anyone comments about my quirky behaviors I tell them not to worry about it, I'm a martian.