How Often Do You Think About Suicide?

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Almost every day.

Last month I could easily count at least 10 days when I seriously wanted to kill myself. I don't just think suicidal thoughts randomly but they vary in severity as my depressive episodes get worse and worse.

My suicidal ideation is very visual, almost like a film and often deals with watching the act happen or the reactions of the people that knew me. I'm unsure why that is. My thoughts can be very hard to control when like that.

I often think like Rigor that I will probably end up killing myself if I don't get appropriate treatment.

It's probably not the best time to read a thread like this. I've had some good manias and now it's all turned to sh**.

It's not just during depression too, but severe anxiety and mixed episodes.

Last edited by pensieve on 03 Dec 2013, 1:40 am, edited 2 times in total.

Yep. You keep thinking that when you develop depression. No one is immune from it. Some traumatic event will trigger it, some med side effects, you get in a bad situation. But I don't wish depression on anyone.

I just wish people understood that willpower isn't enough for someone with a mood disorder or has thoughts of suicide to overcome it.

I probably wouldn't think of suicide at all if I didn't have a mood disorder.


Neither does happiness.

i presume you mean "and happiness does not last forever" which is not a valid reply in a linguistic sense, because i said "never does last for ever.

nothing lasts forever because nothing "never" existed and never is forever.
(it may be considered that my use of the term "nothing never existed" contains a double negative like common street dialect (eg: i didn't do nuffin), however i deliberately and knowingly used a double negative to highlight the paradox that nothing does not exist and so nothing can not be talked about with respect to anything).

how many nothing's does it take to compose something? well the first thought i have is that even the smallest thing would take an infinite amount of nothings to compose. but an infinite amount of nothings is still nothing. zero multiplied by infinity is zero because zero can not be multiplied because it does not exist.

oh dear i am close to a mental feed back loop. infinity overflows my registers. i am but a simple machine.

sadness and torment (excepting sensory situations that i am not partial to) are things i have never felt. i am too emotionally obtuse to ever see a reason to be sad.
i am always very "flat lined" in my mood profile. i feel exactly the same way every day, and i like to breathe.

i think that i can not understand the deeper emotions of people who are capable of committing suicide, and i had a friend once who committed suicide and he spoke to me about his grief, and i dismissed it because i would not have been aggrieved if i was in his situation.

he had a young girlfriend (about 16 (legal in australia)) and she lost interest in him, and he felt heartbroken about it and he told me he was going to kill himself, but i knew the girl and she was a rather banal sort of unit, and so i told him that life is always found freshly over the next hill, and he said the next hill for him would be too hard to climb (he was very smart and troubled), and i said he should find a way around that hill if he could not climb it.
sometimes a 1000 km trek around an obstacle that is very dangerous is the path of least resistance.

but anyway, he killed himself and well....i don't know.

suicide in my opinion can only be carried out by mentally ill people. how could he have cut the rest of his life off (he was only 20) and consign himself to an eternity of oblivion prematurely.

i am so glad i am alive because i can see the universe and it makes me happy. things unfold exactly as they should.

i feel somehow loved by the universe because i am a child of it, and i never want to lose that connection. when i slip into death at at an advanced age i will thank the universe for having me and then ......wow

how can i possibly work it out?

but i will stay to see how it naturally ends.

I voted "monthly but not weekly" but I would have preferred an option to say "it varies". I can go through 6 months and not /really/ think about suicide once. On the other hand if I am having a period of depression I might think about it daily FOR 6 months. So I just answered with my assessment of how often I consider it at this time; if this poll appeared again in 6 months I might offer a completely different answer.

Things have gotten a lot better lately. I use to think about it 5 or 10 times a day. I would remember incidents where I failed, made a mistake, publicly embarrassed myself, said the wrong thing or didn't say the right thing…. I would have the flashback of memory, feel the pain and wish I was dead so I wouldn't hurt any more. About 10 years ago I decided to try and change it. Whenever I wished I was dead I would stop and correct myself "no, I don't wish I was dead. I wish I was happy". At first it wasn't a very enthusiastic response; but, I keep it up. I still have the thoughts; but, not nearly as much. Just recently I've noticed a change I'm saying "no, I really don't want to be dead now" and I really mean it, before I can start with the "no I wish I was happy" and I really mean it.

I remember someone saying to me that they didn't understand how people could get depressed. I think it could possibly be that such people don't question, and have never had the need to i.e. nothing bad has happened to them.

I often think about suicide, but have never seriously considered. The furthest I've gotten down that line is considering faking a suicide attempt for attention.

I don't really think about it in the "my life is miserable and I want it to end" way. It's more like... "I wonder what it would be like if this happened" or "What would happen if-" and so on.

It's more out of curiosity than anything else, but semi-infrequently.

I went with weekly, but sometimes its more frequent than that.

Sweetleaf; I pm'ed you a while back. did you receive it?

Yes, it appears I did.

only when i started the paxil yeah right only the young are at risk of it , now it's ok in that respect god i hope these meds don't ever wear off/latter on side effects.

As a parent whose child has attempted suicide I resent your attitude.

My child was on medication that I was unaware could increase suicidal tendencies and at the same time being set up and bullied by her then girlfriend who was actively setting out to destroy her. It was me who saved her life and supported her through it all.

Parents can screw you up, true, but they are not responsible for everything bad in someone's life

Blaming others all the time means you never take responsibility for your own mistakes.[/quote]

i don't i can relate to her story.

Somewhere between monthly and yearly. It's not considering it for myself-- I'm very happy with my life and would be heartbroken to leave my family because I know how devastated they would be. It's more that it crosses my mind randomly-- I see a windy road and think about how I need to keep the wheel steady because if I jerked it to the side, I'd plummet over. Or I drive over a bridge and think the same sort of thing. It's not that I want to jerk the wheel, it's just that all possibilities in the situation run through my mind and that's one of them. It's not an option on the table, so it's gone as quickly as it came. But my mind acknowledges the thought, sure.

what a silly thing to say, does that person have these viiews when it comes to cancer, heart attack, parkinson so on an so forth....