Cruise Anxiety, take 2

Post Reply New Topic

Last year, I ran a series of threads about feeling anxious about my upcoming cruise with Carnival, that I did solo. The anxiety was bad enough to give me nightmares, all of which were set on cruise ships, and I kept having them as often as multiple times a week. The problem could have been compounded by the verbal abuse my boss was giving me at the time. (Since then, I sued the company and won.) But cruise ships were the main theme of the nightmares. And these are the things I was worrying myself sick about, and worry about again this year.
* Bullies sweeping my meal off the table onto the floor when they see me eating alone
* Bullies harassing me in dance clubs and throwing popcorn at me in the theater
* Corrupt police officers in Caribbean ports planting drugs on me and then arresting me
* Having my cabin broken into
* Having my luggage thrown overboard
* Security officers believing the bullies instead of me, and either laughing at me or putting me in the brig
* Being thrown overboard myself by someone who starts a fight with me
* Looking like a loser sitting by myself

Ironically, NONE of my worries were the usual stereotypical things that people worry about, like forgetting to pack something, catching norovirus, having a serious engine malfunction at sea, losing expensive excursion tickets, or being stranded in a foreign port due to not getting back to the ship on time. The same is true this year.

Not a single thing I worried about last year came true! Instead, I ended up having the best vacation of my life: I led a conga line, danced up a storm, kissed a girl, and got freebie drinks from crew members who I spoke to in Spanish. Heck, I even have pictures to prove it! Now, here were are in 2013, and I'm doing another cruise, also with Carnival, also solo; I already bought tickets a few days ago. And yet, I'm having the same worries that I had last year! Telling myself that they didn't come true last year doesn't work; my mind says that it was just "beginner's luck" or a one-time coincidence, so this time, something bad could happen. I already had one nightmare, and I'm sure there'll be more as the cruise gets closer. While it may seem ironic and even laughable to be anxious about a cruise, it's really no fun to go through it.

At this point, I don't know if I'm looking for a solution, since I know my fears are irrational, or if I just need an understanding audience to vent to. But if there's any helpful advice you can give, please go ahead. (Here's some comic relief: after I submitted this post and went back to edit it, I saw Carnival Cruise Line banner ads.)

I understand how you feel, sort of. I have moved twice in my life - once to go to college in another state, and once moving to yet another state where my husband had found a job. Both times, I cried myself to sleep for a good month before. I didn't know I was an aspie at the time, so I thought I was being irrational and did my best to suppress it, but I was flat-out terrified of the concept of never sleeping in that room on that bed again.

In both cases, the day I actually made the move, the anxieties and fear disappeared like amorning fog, and didn't return (until the situation came up again, of course). In both cases, there was nothing I could do about it but live through it. If you're in a similar situation, I suggest thinking of it as something that must be endured (like say, a dentist visit) and remind yourself that low points in your life make the high points feel that much higher, and that you'll probably enjoy your cruise all the more because of it.

If you have something you know will ensure a dreamless sleep and is SAFE to use, you might want to try using that if it becomes necessary. One dose of nyquil usually does the trick for me.

this is very similar to the sort of irrational fears I have about everyday life. during the course of trying CBT with a therapist, I found the most effective way to cope with them is to play mind games with myself about them. Think of each fear directly, make a list as you have done here, and sort of partition each into categories. eg, fears about loss of or damage to your property, being accused of things you didn't do, fear of people picking on you etc.

Then think of some small thing you can do, either physically or mentally, that will decrease the fear a little bit. It is important that your goal not be to remove the fear completely, you want to make small steps. Goal should be to decrease anxiety, just a little bit, about a couple of the fears. Just pick one category from your list at first, then think of some small measure you might be able to take to decrease the anxiety/fear.

So, for example, let's say the security of your cabin and your luggage. That's something I would have a lot of anxiety about too. Even though I have been on vacation before and have never had anything like that happen to me. But still the fear is there. I would think about the kinds of locks are on the doors. What kind of key is used to unlock them. What sorts of things I am most worried about being stolen. Are those small things? Could I carry most of them in a small bag that I keep with me at all times I am outside the cabin? Does the ship have a lockbox that you can check very important items into that will ensure they are 100% safe?

What I end up doing is thinking out contingencies for the bad things that i fear may happen, then working out plans for how I would deal with those things. It really helps to do that. My therapist explained to me that people don't usually think their fears all the way through. They think of the idea of the bad thing and the obsession about it, but don't put it into real world terms, or think about the measures they could take to solve such problems if they really did occur.

... it appears I've made quite a ramble here. hope there's something helpful in there somewhere.

Also, one more little thing. I don't know if you're familiar with the Dune novels, but there is a mantra the main character uses frequently in relation to facing his fears that I quite enjoy. It is:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Alright, let's take your argument and run with it. Let's use only the items on my original list.

* Bullies sweeping my meal off the table onto the floor when they see me eating alone
For dinner, stick with assigned seating, where Carnival puts me at a table with a pre-determined group, who will provide multiple sets of eyes and ears to report harassment. It's the older crowd who usually does assigned dining. Bullies tend to be in their teens to early 20's, and usually don't do assigned dining, since they prefer to be with "their own kind". For breakfast and lunch, which don't have assigned seating, stick to bully-proof foods; that is, sandwiches, wraps, and pastries I can hold on one hand, leaving the other hand free for coffee, soda, etc. This way, my plate end up being nearly empty, and there is no food to sweep off. (This method is based on the First Strike Rations, made for US soldiers to eat while in combat. FSR's consist of a Hot Pockets-like pastry and not much else, to be eaten with one hand like I described. But when you have to borrow bully-proofing methods from the US Army, something's definitely wrong.)

* Bullies harassing me in dance clubs and throwing popcorn at me in the theater
Stick to crowded deck parties and band performances in open, highly visible spaces. Sit in far in the back of the theater and/or near crew members, to reduce the odds of popcorn being thrown from behind me. Of course, the more aggressive bullies will think nothing of harassing crew members too. To reduce the odds, sit near an officer-level crew member, distinguished by a dressy shirt with shoulder insignia. And avoid bringing in popcorn myself, so the bullies can't say I threw it.

* Corrupt police officers in Caribbean ports planting drugs on me and then arresting me
Keep my bags within my sight and within my possession at all times. Discard immediately any foreign objects found on my person, that I haven't brought from the ship or purchased in a store. Avoid any conversations with the local police, and stay at least 10 feet from officers, uniformed or plainclothes. (You can usually tell who's plainclothes by their hyper-confident body language.) For requests for help, talk only to the Carnival port agent. Port police, if distinct from street police, can be helpful at times too.

* Having my cabin broken into
Spot-check the door once an hour or so, and immediately report anything suspicious to a security officer. Unless, of course, the officer will side will the bullies who did the break-in. In which case, I got nothing.

* Having my luggage thrown overboard
Give obscenely big tips to any employees, Carnival or port authority, who handle my luggage. Keep my hand firmly planted on the handle when moving my suitcase around the ship.

* Security officers believing the bullies instead of me, and either laughing at me or putting me in the brig
I got nothing.

* Being thrown overboard myself by someone who starts a fight with me
I got nothing. Except, maybe, avoiding outside decks in parts of the ship where the thrusters are located on the hull. But it still won't stop be from getting thrown overboard in the first place. When a bully wants to start a fight with a victim, no arguments will stop him.

* Looking like a loser sitting by myself
I got nothing.

Yes, I was able to allay my fears for some of the items on my list. But the worst ones remain unresolved. Maybe the extremely awesome time I had on my first cruise really was a fluke. I don't know.

Well, my cruise is now 2 weeks away, and interestingly, my anxiety was replaced by apathy. I planned and micromanaged my cruise down to the last detail. I planned it out so well, that little mystery is left. Unlike last year, when I kept getting nightmares that took place on cruise ships multiple times a week, this year, I had only one cruise-related dream in the past 2 months, and it was pretty vague. All I'm worried about now is having a medical problem and/or some unpleasant incident that'll stop me from going on my cruise or ruin it somehow.

Other than that, I just cross off days on my calendar with a "meh" feeling, and have to practically force myself to get started on things like signing up for shore excursions online, planning my packing list, confirming airport transfers, and shopping for cruise clothes. Last year, I had all that finished a month out. This year, not so much. All that despite having had a totally awesome cruise last year, that I still talk about and annoy people .

I don't know if I'm looking for advice this time. It being my second cruise, rather than my first one, I'm set for the most part, as far as my worries are concerned. Just mainly wanted to get the apathy thing off my chest. But if you got any comments, please go ahead.