i dont even know if i can make it on my own

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I have been having trouble getting up, going to school, getting myself a job, taking care of myself, ect. im aware that im not doing these things and i feel completely ashamed and stupid and incapable and maybe im just a spoiled brat or maybe its the anxiety thats crippling me, i dont know. all i know is im not sure if i will be able to maintain a good adulthood. i need help

Been there, done that, life gets better.

Family, friends, diet, exercise, meditation, medication, dedication.. etc bit by bit, things get better if you work on them as much as you can.

Zombie, I think I can relate to your situation. I was a huge disappointment to my family, as they thought I was going to go to Harvard, because of certain gifts I was born with. Well, at that time nobody had ever heard of AS, everybody thought I was lazy and willfully defective, and I didn't have a friend or ally anywhere. All I heard from my family was how sorry I was and how they were going to kick me out of their house. When I couldn't put up with it anymore, I left at age sixteen, and have done reasonably well for myself.

As such, my advice to you would be to become good at a trade or skill with which you can support yourself, and then structure your life to fit your own strengths and limitations. It's a matter of being one's own protector and best friend.

I experienced exactly the same thing at your age. I understand that you probably are struggling more than some of your peers because of your condition. I did, too. And the prospect of adulthood seemed very intimidating. I have been struggling a lot in many ways in my adulthood, and still am, but I've been managing to live by myself independently. I know you can do that, too. As someone else suggested, progress step by step without putting too much pressure on yourself. When you achieve something, even if it's a small thing, you will gain some confidence and feel you can do more. I hope your family is understanding of your struggle because that surely will help until you are fully independent.

ZombieBrideXD, I believe I can relate to your situation!

I read online that the unemployment rate of Aspies is over 80%

Now, that is because we simply can't handle the unpredictability and social requirements of a workplace, not to mention how much short term memory some of the lower paying jobs require.

I guess I'm lucky. My main special interest is programming, and I program android apps. If I develop a popular app on the appstore and sell it for a buck (or free with ads) then I will have a couple hundred thousand a year. This job allows me to do my special interest, from the comfort, predictability and security of my own home on my computer. And I get paid. I am already getting a head start on my future by starting my Android development now, so I will have a good paying income by the time I move out.

I want to go to MIT

But, I am not sure if I could handle adult life. I have always wanted just to keep living with my parents. I will still have my Android development that I do, all the adult-like things (ID, etc.) but probably not a drivers license. I don't know if I could handle driving. I can hardly stay alive while riding my bike. I have become better though.

My baby brother, who was just born, has Down Syndrome and he will likely live with my parents for most of his life. Even though unemployment rates for Aspies are over 80%, my parents STILL expect me to get a job and move out. I will get a job, but one for myself, not actually being hired or anything. I already have that job, and it is Android and Python software development, and I plan to continue with this job for the rest of my planned future.

I would just like to be able to stay home, past the 'normal' age of moving out.

But I can totally relate

Yeah... the very same here, I'm still heavily dependent on care with living, have a 9 year unemployment uh...'record' (social skills really has prevented me getting past the interview stage in all job and volunteering places) and hold a degree with possibility entering into a masters in Computing.

Things are looking up finally being recently diagnosed, I am on schemes for disabled employment. Professionals that deal with cv's arranging work placements as such. I am also up for consideration for independent living skills as learning the things taken for granted, has been missed. things should get better as time goes on.

Are you able to ask for help? It seems like this is definitely something to bring up with your family and psychiatrist. Hopefully they'd take it seriously and not as a matter of "making excuses."

my dad believes that im just looking for an excuse for someone to take care of me and treat me like a baby

My father was very disappointed in me... always. We NEVER had a "normal" conversation. It was like, "Why would you say that?" "Why are you interested in THAT?" Of course this is back in the 40's and 50s. He thought I needed "discipline." And trust me, I saw a whole lot of military kind of discipline, AND lots of hitting, and pushing, and he would bump into me like I was invisible.

But trust me, the years from 16 to 25 are pretty hard for all males. You have to find out who you are, and find work, and move out of your parents home. That's not easy...

im a girl

Well then you should be fine lol,;)

I know the feeling ZombieBride I have panic disorder with agoraphobia as well as some kind of ASD (I'm going through the assessment process now) and I haven't been able to work in about a year. I even tried working for myself (I'm a dog trainer) but with my social issues and all my anxieties even that was too much. Now I'm applying for social security disability. It sucks, I hate having to admit that I can't do everything on my own but it got to a point where I couldn't deny it anymore.

Hi

I'm older--well on the other side of 40. I was suicidal by the end of middle school and made getting a social life/learning how to talk with people my main priority in high school.

I recall how tough it was in the beginning. I used to be late for everything, because it got me out of talking to people before classes.
I did not realize that that was what I was doing. Everything was hard: getting a job. getting through college, living with roomates, getting an apartment, paying taxes, going to doctors.

I used to, and sometimes still do, get completely overwhelmed by things, and small demands seem impossible to meet. Sometimes I find myself giving completely bogus arguments for not doing something because I cannot articulate why they are impossible for me--although I have come to recognize that it's usually a question of those things being impossible in a certain moment. At some later time, they will become more possible.

I have a tendency toward what was described in a Tony Attwood video as "catastrophizing" in my thinking... it's a rea PITA.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbZ2QRJnUVg

But, over time I bega to recognize that these negative states were transient. I can tell myself, "oh, it's one of those" and wait it out.

It still seems impossible, but 20 or 30 minutes later, the feeling is burned out and my thinking clears up.

The trick is not to dive into the feeling while being overwhelmed by it, but instead to float over the surface. Acknowledge it, respect it and let it go. Then deal with life from a clear state, when that returns.

Meditation can help. Mindfulness can help. I was able to work in highly stressful jobs as a freelancer with no security because I was practicing Tae Kwon Do. It was also good to learn that with enough practice, I could actually do things with my body. Martial arts are good for that because they break everything down into smaller parts.

I am still terrible at doing certain kinds of forms and paperwork and I find it hard to talk to people on the phone unless we are discussing something technical that I know well or one of my special interests. I find it hard to trust people and hard to make friends, though I have learned how to make friends... and people are ready to be my friend--I just have a hard time keeping it going when we don't see each other every day because of circumstance.

On the other hand I am completely loyal and the people I have built friendships with are loyal, too. When life leaves us on opposite sides of a continent, we stay friends. Once the trust is there, it's very strong.

The pattern from early in my life still holds: I find it easiest to talk to people one at a time, or in groups under 5. Public speaking is OK, too--because then you are not really relating to anyone, just talking to one or two imagined audience members.

But it really can get better.

I remember a specialist at school asking me about eye contact. This would be around fourth grade. I was very self-conscious about it for years after that. I tried to look at people but didn't want to stare, and meeting their gaze felt like being telepathically linked, or naked--just too much. At some point I found a balance and I have not thought about it in years. I look at people enough to make them comfortable most of the time--and enough to pick up on the messages they are giving with their faces. And I really just don't think about it now, most of the time.

I am married with two kids, own a house and a car and have been working for the same top company for almost two decades. I earn a decent salary. interviewing made my so stressed I always needed to take a bottle of kaopectate and several times vomited after the thing was over--but I held it together and got the jobs. My son was just diagnosed with AS/ASD and I am just beginning to understand that I am probably the source of that genetic heritage. My AQ score is 33.

Sometimes I need someone to take care of me, though My wife and friends have been really good about that. Sometimes I am the one who takes care of them. It's good.

You're still young, plenty of time to learn to be more independent. Just take your time, it may be difficult but at least you try. And yeah anxiety can be an issue, some others here have posted good suggestions on relaxing.

Hi ZombieBrideXD,

I know what this is about, I'm confident you should listen to what I have to say.

Given you have aspergers and given your current situation, your life will most likely not "just get better" as it was written above in this thread. If you have aspergers, you will have to make some fundamental changes in your way of thinking if you want to be able to live the independent adult life you probably want to live.

The asperger mind is aimed at thinking about surroundings (finding details, what world do I live in?, why do things work the way they do? Caring for others while forgetting yourself). The more you care about your surroundings, the less time do you have to care about your own life. This is basically (i believe) your problem. In order to solve it,

You need to begin thinking exclusively about your own life! ALL the time!

This doesn't mean you should not think of other people. But you should mainly consider other people a part of your life, not mainly your life a part of their lives.

If you have aspergers it's likely that you intellectually know how to "get up, go to school, get a job, take care of yourself etc." The problem is getting it done in the real world. If you don't do what I recommended above, you won't get it done, preventing you from getting the life you probably desire.

When you start to think more about yourself, you will soon start to get more things done, thereby gaining more confidence in that you can handle your life-situation....then you get even more done, and you're on the right track. It's difficult to get started doing things for yourself if you haven't been doing that for a long time.

qawer speaks the truth.

That was definitely one of my problems for many years, but with the influence of a very close aspie friend of mine who focuses a lot of time and energy on himself (but isn't selfish, arrogant, or rude etc) I've learned to be a lot more self serving in the sense of using my time and energy to better myself vs. spread it out far too thin trying to help or please others. I'm much better off for it, mentally, physically, financially etc & continuing to work on it and be ever better for it - as it's sort of a lifelong work in progress.

Very very simple concept, but takes some serious work to implement and remind yourself of in the moment so as not to get off track spending your time and energy where it doesn't serve you. It's completely worth doing, though, as nothing worth doing is easy.