Social failure.

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Sometimes, in social situations, I'm anxious about what people will think about me and that they'll think I'm weird but what makes me the most anxious in social situations is not knowing how to talk to people properly. I never really know what to say, how to initiate conversations (pretty much always wait until someone talks to me), I force myself to small talk but I think it's really awkward etc. That plus eye contact plus noise and people invading my personal space make socialising difficult for me. This mostly happens in group situations but sometimes during one-on-ones as well.

I'm at my boyfriend's parents right now. My boyfriend's sister's getting married tomorrow and they're having friends and family over tonight. I was sitting upstairs earlier, solving my Rubik's cube over and over again while being afraid of going downstairs to the living room where people were hanging out. Didn't want to go downstairs since I didn't want to be in that group situation but I felt like I should be there. I didn't want to be rude or make any mistakes.

After a while I went down the stairs. Came as far as the door to the living room where everyone was sitting. Couldn't make myself open the door so I hid in the bathroom for a few minutes until I tried again. Had my Rubik's cube in my hand. Tried to hide it because I didn't want people to think I was bragging about being able to solve it but I still wanted it there since it makes me a little calmer. I was anxious and I don't even know why I was anxious. I just know I'm bad at communicating and conversing with people. Especially in groups. And this is only the night before the wedding. Tomorrow there will be loads of people here. Not sure how to handle that.

Made it to the living room eventually. People were laughing and having fun but I just sat there, quietly, and zoned out. It feels like people think I'm weird for not talking. I'm still sitting in the living room as I write this. Not talking. Don't know what to say. Even though my boyfriend's family know I have trouble with social interaction they don't really talk to me about it so I don't know if they understand my silence or if they think I'm weird, rude and boring. It feels like I should be happy and show people that I'm happy for the bride and groom but I just feel awkward and anxious right now.

Are these social issues due to AS, social anxiety or both? Does anyone else experience these things? Any advice on how to handle loads of people tomorrow?

Also, sorry if all of that was a bit incoherent and messy. I'm tired.

There are many overlapping symptoms of AS and social anxiety, so pick whichever one you want - for these symptoms they're the same.

What calms you & puts you in a more social state?

I've found meditation to be pretty good for that. http://www.freemeditation.com - go through the Kundalini Awakening process, then listen to the free guided meditations. Very calming.

For a much more immediate & lasting effect, I've always found small doses of marijuana to be (pardon the pun) highly beneficial to calming anxiety and making me more sociable.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I am also anxious about what people will think about me in social situations as well. But I have learned not to let the anxiety get to me as much I used to as all it will do is make even more anxiety during the social event. I feel your pain in social situations like yours. Everyone is talking and then you come in and everyone thinks “why isn’t he talking?” but I have learned not to let the get to me anymore. The best thing I can say is just try not to think of what other people are going to think of you, it will make a better you in your mind. Of course there is always drinking alcohol to get the “buzz” and fit in naturally. But it really depends on the type of social event, or the hang over effect of the alcohol.

I feel in exactly the same way in such situations. I've had many bad experiences. To make it worse some people even enjoy your being uncomfortable and make unkind comments about it as if you were a weird inferior unwanted being.

I think it comes from your anxiety, which in turn comes from your past experiences due to having AS. I don't think you should force yourself to be in such situations because it's not natural for you. I understand you can't avoid your boyfriend's sister's wedding. Couldn't your boyfriend be with you most of the time? It's so much easier if you can find one person who can keep you company and with whom you are comfortable.

I never fear social failure, because I don't think about the way I should act, I act like my instinct tells me to in a social contest, I never force myself to do something I don't want to, and don't see how I could.
I neither care of what people think of me. I show the feeling I actually feel (if I feel any), and I'm not able to fake emotions.

I recognize this 100%.

How did you meet your boyfriend by the way?

Sounds very familiar. I'll often end up hiding upstairs in my room when my parents have people over downstairs. As far as if it's ASD or social anxiety goes, I'm not sure entirely but it's probably both. When I do go downstairs I'll just sit there mostly and will not talk unless I'm asked a question. Luckily most people who come over have known me for a long time so they don't bother asking why I don't say much, they just figure it's part of who I am. Don't really have much advice on how to deal with it though, sorry.

Sorry for the late reply. Been a bit busy with the wedding and travelling back home.

Anyway, I survived the wedding though I felt quite terrible most of the time. I don't really know what's wrong with me. In the beginning of the day I felt ok. I was anxious but the anxiety level wasn't too high. Got worse though. During the day I didn't mingle with people. Stood quietly someplace else. Not completely alone though. Hung out quite a bit with my boyfriend's brother (and his girlfriend for a little while). He's cool. At the party I felt really depressed. Not sure why. I was feeling really guilty for not expressing and showing joy during the sister's big day. I felt very low. I was very conscious about everything. Sound, light, people, eye contact, my own movements, my lack of happiness etc. I felt like I had to be happy but since I couldn't feel happy for real I had to fake it. Fake smiled a lot. I even had to fake laugh to make sure people thought I was having a good time (think I failed to convince them though). Was quite exhausting. Didn't know what else to do.

Don't misunderstand me. I wanted to attend the wedding (though I have a really hard time with events like that) and I like my boyfriend's family. I just don't know how to behave, act, what to say and how to handle all the noise etc. Also, I don't really understand why I often feel depressed without knowing why.