Should we buy him a car?

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I was going to post this in the adult forum. But I went there and guessed it might not be the right place.

My 54 year old brother with Asperger's does not have a car and lives at home. There is no public transportation where he is. He can put a new engine in a car yet can't get a job.

I think he is happy not having a car and spends most of the day on the computer. Would it hurt if his brother and sister got him a car? What are the pros and cons? He has to get out of his rut.

J~

Would it not be easier to ask your brother instead of strangers on the Internet?

Does he want a car? Can he drive?
Why does he have to get out of his rut, if he is happy?

@ Keni
He has been working on fixing a Vovlo for a year and a half so I think he needs another option. He can drive and borrows our mothers car. My parents won't be around forever so he needs to able to support himself.

@Marcia
Someone told me if I posted here 'Marica' would respond and she had great advice.

Ding ding ding.. Ask him. Just be transparent about it and tell him you were thinking it would be nice for him to have a car on the road if he wants one and you'd gladly pay for it if it'll help him out. If he's receptive and appreciative, great. If he says he doesn't want/need one or refuses on the grounds that its "charity," or insults his attempts at self sufficiency then you may have to just accept that answer and leave him be. But if you insist on persisting, maybe itd change his mind if you told him it stresses you that he doesn't have a car to come and go as he pleases and you'd feel better being able to give him one - then he may accept on the basis of not wanting to offend you or have you stressed over it. (Even if he wants the car himself, he may need a non-self serving reason to accept.)

@goldfish21

Thx for reply and advise.

My original question should have been explained better. If the question was "Should I buy my teenager a car?" I would say "no" a parent should not buy their teenager a car. They might help them buy a car. The teenager should take some ownership of the endeavor. Just handing over a car to them teaches them nothing about working for things and responsibility. I don't think my brother needs this lesson. The question really is would I undermine his situation if I buy him the car? Situation: He has a EE degree and no job.

He seems receptive to the offering. He just drives me crazy when he wants to see all the service records when we are looking at $1000 20 year old cars. Seriously! "Did you know the ford 1993 AOD-EW/4R70W transmission has problems in vehicles over 60,000 miles?". Ok buts it's a $1000 car with low mileage and it runs.

~J

Exactly! Just having a car may not be all he needs to get a job. If he doesn't have the skills to do the job or (more often true of Aspies) the skills to get through an interview, then a car won't help him. You should talk to him about what he wants.

Yep, it's quite normal for people with AS to be information sponges. I may be biased, but I think he's probably right to ask for the records if he's buying a used car (even with your money); if the car has an accident in its history, or repeated mechancial failures, it's probably not a good deal. If he gets too bogged down in the details, ask him how much this particular aspect of the car matters to him. With the transmission example, yep, that matters all right--he wants to steer clear of an old car with a transmission model known to have problems. However, if it's not so important, if it can be fixed or worked around, then he might need someone to remind him of that. We are very, very good at details; but it can be hard to sort through them all to figure out which ones are relevant.

Last edited by Callista on 17 Mar 2013, 9:04 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I do the same thing. I'd be a bit frustrated if someone just gave me a car in that case. Then it gets worse when people are like you should be happy I gave you a car when I'd rather fix a broke one that I like rather than get one I dont. Like when I've looked at buying older cars I still get maintenance records and sometimes my father has even called the original owner of the vehicle. For a while I was looking at e34(1989-1995 5 series) bmw's. But a lot of the V8 engines had nikasil issues which otherwise would be a major expense in time and parts to repair.

It would affect my trust in the car, cause more stress and then the fact of people saying to be grateful would make me more upset.

For my current car that I got last year (2000 Subaru Legacy) we got the records from every dealer where the car was serviced, and my father called the owner. I knew ahead of time of the timing belt stuff and was willing to do it myself, the only real problem with the car so far is that the goodyear tires, are not any good, so far I've had 2 replaced due to bad belts in the tires.

I also tend to be more sensitive to things as well in the car so its imperative that I drive the car first too because what other people have called minor annoyances have caused me to lose several jobs.

That's how I would feel though.

Last edited by silentlyvela on 17 Mar 2013, 9:12 pm, edited 3 times in total.

You can always get him a car and then make him pay for the registration and insurance it comes with =)

Some points to clarify

1. Only 5% of vehicles have service records available. That is a general rule. For a 20 year old car my guess the number is a bit lower. So if we looked until we found the right car with service records it might be a long time.
2. I am not buying a car without his input. I gave him a list to look over of cars I found.
3. I never said that car=job. If he gets a job it will be with someone that can accommodate his work style. But he can't get to work without a car.
4. I am really looking some feedback on the question: "Would I undermine his situation if I buy him the car?". I don't think it would make any difference.

@Chloe he will have to pay for insurance, gar and registration. That is not in my plan. Maybe the car should be a loan not a gift.

Thank you everyone who took time to answer my post.

~J

I wouldn't put to much stock in service records, dealers tend to fudge these things when they want to overcharge and since I maintain my own truck there are no records to be had yet im obsessed with maintance. I narowed it quickly to 2 models then I too was an info sponge when I bought mine, dad still comments about how I must be loaded with time when we talk about trucks and I know every trim, engine, year, transmission, towing capisity, lemon-ade book review etc. and info from countless hours reading about them on fourms. the only thing I did not look into was interior stuff becouse I did not care, i love and wanted my manuel locks/windows. One of the main reasons I bought mine was becouse it never had a trailer hitch and the bedliner was mint so it must not have worked very hard, plus it was vey clean inside so the owner must have had some pride. I was on a $2500 +/- budget.

I would be careful buying a car on the basis of getting a job as it may not work like you planned. no strings attached is the best way to go, maybe just give him the money and let him to the leg work on this project i its too much. Talk to him about what is expected of him first.

Wow another person that like manual locks and windows. Although I think having a truck and never having it work very hard is sort of a waste.

I agree that having a truck and not using it is a waste, rest assured I set it up and use it as one for towing my race cars, hauling big dirty heavy stuff etc. I also only bought the truck size and engine I needed and avoided larger gas gobbleing using engines I did not actually need. For sensory reasons I like it becouse I can seperate dirty, buggy, gross things etc. that i don't want in my clean cab into the bed area where its self contained, this is a huge thing or me! If its clean and sterile it rides with me, if not it goes in the back.

Manuel locks/windows don't break and when they do the fix is easy, I do my own repairs so I buy cars/trucks largly on the dificaulty of repairs and price of parts. Luxury things also mean nothing to me.

To figure out whether he will actually use the car, can you perhaps hire one for a week or month to see if he will actually make good use of it?