Procedural knowledge

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I read that there is often a discrepancy of what you know theoretically and what is put into practice in people with an ASC.

I don't have that so much with behaviour codes in settings like shopping, being on a bus, etc. but with social interaction (with strangers) I can sometimes observe myself knowing what should be said or done and then not doing it.
When I was on my way home on a plane the woman next to asked if I wanted the cookie she got from the flight attendant. I just nodded took it and ate it. I knew I should say something like "thank you" but I didn't.
I can't even say why, the knowledge of the "thank you" script just didn't contain an order to execute it.

Does something like that happen to anyone else?

I guess it could be like making small-talk. Theoretically, I know how to do it and could make the effort to do it. But I just don't because it is a lot of effort and usually I need all my faculties to just do what I can to manage social interactions.

I think so.

Though a healthy amount of OCD has led to me over-compensating for social "niceties."

However,
Some neurotypicals theoretically know that people with ASDs cannot follow social norms, but their thinking doesn't include a script for "change your expectations for this autistic person" and so they keep acting as if we have the capacity to act neurotypical when we do not.

It goes both ways, in my opinion.

I have a theory, as long as not everyone is going to shoot it down at once.

I feel like the barrier between conscious mind and subconscious mind is blurred or gone for aspies.

I have similar issues to this. But, I think its something that could be caused by this line blurring. "I know to do this, yet I'm not doing it. why? that's weird."

I feel like it also would explain (in a way) clumsiness, eye contact, some stimming, logical thinking, some obsessions, no perception of time (for sure).

When reading facial expressions become a conscious effort, it becomes awkward and difficult. Just like when you consciously decide to breath, you become bad at it.

Please try to figure out what I may mean before you decide to shoot down. Then shoot down if you have to.

This is so g**d***ed m***** f*****g true I can't even agree enough.

Also, What is ticker tape synesthesia? just the ticker tape part.

Actually this makes sense...although I am often oblivious to my subconscious....or I mix it up with the conscious....or I can't distinguish....

I totally get what you are saying. This is why I never know what to do with my hands/arms when I am speaking with others. I become very aware of their existence and suddenly nowhere I put them seems to be the "right" place.

I also find that rehearsal before a communication helps me, but if someone else is involved in that rehearsal and they put different things in than come naturally to me, that I have a difficult time because I become too aware.

Another example is that sometimes after I have "learned" how to do something through an official channel (class, etc), I become worse at it because now I am consciously monitoring my own behavior and I become fake and unnatural, or at least I feel fake and unnatural.

Well, maybe the woman just thought you were nervous, because you're afraid to fly rather than impolite. I have the same problem, though. Very often a small voice in the back of my mind tells me what to do (say hello, look at someone, try some small-talk, stop talking about things that interest you) and I still can't do it. I know I should, I want to, but I don't. However, I never considered this to be an Aspie thing. Maybe NTs do not always do what they think they should do?

little black sheep

I think that when NTs do not do something they know they should, the reasons might be different. It sounds to me like the OP is talking about something similar to what I was talking about on a thread where I talked about inability to initiate certain things. I know I should do it, there is no reason why I shouldn't, I know how to do it...I just DON'T. And it's not because of motivation or anxiety. I just can't start. It is an executive functioning thing. I think that with NTs, they probably fail to do social things they know they should for reasons like anxiety, passive-aggressiveness, fear, manipulation, etc. I do not think NTs have executive dysfunction as a core reason like someone on the spectrum or with ADHD might.

Yes, I think it's more of a executive dysfunction what I described about myself. I'm usually not anxious or nervous - at least not more than usual in a social situation - when I observe this.
The behaviour script just remains a theoretical concept with no built-in connection to any action to be performed.




She probably thought me mentally challenged because I spent most of the flight twirling a chestnut tracing its surface lines with my fingertips.
Stimming for me usually involves playing with small things that have a smooth or haptically interesting surface.

This is interesting. So what's the internal experience of this phenomenon like? I don't have major problems interacting with others, but when faced with people I don't already know well and feel comfortable with, I often find that my mind goes completely blank. I know I should say something and should help the conversation along, but I suddenly can't think of one single common-ground thing to say to them. These are the times when NTs probably start commenting on the weather but, well, the weather? My mind always goes blank when trying to find something interesting to say about that.

My blank mind phenomenon is very similar to what happens when I try to do mental arithmetic at any kind of level beyond the basic 2 + 2. I believe I may be slightly dyscalculaic and I wonder if there's a connection between the mental processes involved in maths and conversation for me.

It's hard to explain. There is a barrenness or hollowness...not quite the right words. It's like "the initiating sequence" in my brain is missing. Usually if something (or usually someone) can "get me going" then I am fine. Once I start, I can complete without problems. I guess it really is like inertia. Literally. I am at rest, and cannot move until an outside force acts upon me.

I mean, don't get me wrong...I do procrastinate sometimes. Sometimes I avoid things that I don't really want to do, but I am well aware that I am avoiding doing it. Ad to be honest, I have never been able to systematically understand why certain things get stuck in inertia. It just happens sometimes.

I do sometimes have the same thing as you when interacting with people I don't know, which is why I always prepare myself some small talk or anecdotes before I need to be in situations like that. So I can be prepared. The only problem with that, is that sometimes my plan backfires and I insert my planned small talk or anecdotes, like a humorous story about something cute my daughter did, into the wrong place. It is very awkward.

Still interesting, what specific acts is it you tend to get stuck on? Verbal conventions such as "Good morning, how are you?" or physical acts such as a handshake or other things entirely? I'm not sure I can relate to this at all - I'll have to watch myself and see. I just know I can get awkward and stilted in my actions and responses as though I'm nervous, but I don't think I actually feel nervous at all mostly. It's more like the process feels so fake and superficial to me that I just can't buy into it enough to do it properly. But that's not really it either. Hard to describe.



I try to do that too, but I'm not very good at it. I think I'm aware and capable enough that I know if something isn't appropriate in a given situation, the problem is that I can't think of an alternative that is appropriate so I end up at a loss even if I do try to prepare in advance.

The main thing I took on board many years ago is that people love to talk about themselves, so my goal is always to ask people about their interests and their experiences and to listen politely to what they say since this almost never fails to be appropriate. However, some people are just so boring to me (e.g. those whose passion is supporting a football team) that I have absolutely no hope of striking up a smooth conversation with them and I can pick up no clues to help me think of the next things to say. Hence, the whole act becomes a slow-mo conversation stopper.

What I am describing is not necessarily related to interpersonal interactions. It is more based on tasks that I have to do. Though I sometimes do get that same sense of blankness in interactions as well.

Oh, and when my plan backfires, I know it is not appropriate for me to interject my anecdote when I do. I just can't seem to stop myself! I--literally--cannot stop. I feel almost pressured to say it. And as I am saying it, I am thinking to myself "why the H3ll are you saying that right now! Shut Up!" but I just keep on saying it. It is usually then followed by an awkward silence. And if possible, I leave the interaction. Gah. This kind of stuff really sucks, doesn't it???

I am definitely a weird duck!

I can relate to this.

I think part of it for me is that some elements of social interaction are more of a mental exercise than something that happens naturally. If I accept a gift, I know I'm supposed to say thank you, but it's so incredibly difficult to get myself to say so. It's not an anxiety thing, either, but it's almost like I have to mentally prepare myself to do what's expected.

I sometimes get blanks. Like if someone greets me, I might just accidentally ignore them altogether and soon realize that I didn't react to them.

There is also the difficulty to act in fast and fluid social situations regardless of whatever the theory you might have studied. We just need a longer time to assess the situation and act appropriately and it cannot really be helped and things get awkward.