Getting a Diagnosis (I'm anxious!)

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This is probably one of a million posts on this site regarding the evaluation process, but I have anxiety and need to post my own!

I've been looking into everything Aspie for maybe a year now after a huge "Ah-Ha!" moment I experienced while writing. It's odd, but I was creating a character I suddenly recognized as potentially autistic without my conscious effort in making her so. I didn't want to be ignorant on the topic if I was going down that road, so I began my research.

It was so frustrating at first! I thought all the information I found was "wrong" because I kept going "But I do that?". It's so weird that this is how I found answers to a lot of questions I had asked or been afraid to ask.

So that brings me to today. I've been trying to find someone to evaluate me and the fight has been uphill. I live in a town that has notoriously bad mental health services and availability. No one seemed interested in helping me, but it looks like I may have finally found someone in an entirely different city to evaluate me. At the cost of 2k.

That's a lot of money, and I have a lot of the usual fears. As a female I'm scared they won't have the right experience (even though I've just asked them. Waiting for an answer via email). I'm scared I'll mask my symptoms on accident (multiple therapists in the past have referred to me as a logical wall and had difficulties taking anything I said at face value due to me seeming so collected for an hour).

I was hoping for people to share some stories and advice on the process so I might feel a little less alone. What do you wish you knew before going in? What sort of information about yourself do you think was vital in getting your diagnosis? Why did you seek a diagnosis (mine is for validation as well as SSDI)? Were you incorrectly diagnosed before (I'm currently diagnosed with Bipolar.l; it doesn't cover half of my day to day issues)?

And I suppose anything else you want to share would be nice, too!

( also I've lurked on this site all year but was afraid to make an account because I didn't know if I was "right" about potentially having autism. Now I feel absolutely certain, which is even scarier in case I DON'T get the diagnosis :'c)

Don't worry about it too much. You may find it a relief to have an actual diagnosis because then you will have an answer. It won't change anything about you, other than having the official diagnosis.

I was referred to a specialist for reasons I cannot remember, I wasn't going specifically to get (or not get) an Autism diagnosis. I was diagnosed with a few things, but I never really paid much attention until I read the report sometime later and said: "I have Autism?". Some of the things I did make more sense, at least the had a 'reason' or a 'label'.

Having a reason I was able to understand that some of the things I did were not because I was lazy or dumb or an ass, but that some of it were due to the symptoms of Autism. Still, I don't use it as an excuse (or at least try not to).

Having the diagnosis also made me, personally, more comfortable with participating in communities like this which offer the support and understanding and knowing that others experience the same things.

It's an opportunity to learn more about yourself and where you fit in in this world. Never pass up an opportunity to learn, especially about yourself!

The diagnosis won't change who you are, don't fear it.

A few weeks ago I was doing a walk in support of cancer research. Someone there had an Autism support dog in training. "Oh, hey! I can get a dog that's pre-trained!". Then I saw the dog later and she was on wiggling back and forth on the ground with all for paws up in the air. I briefly wondered if maybe it's just the dog who was Autism.

Don't worry about the diagnosis, all will be fine.