Feeling even more frightened and alienated...

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Tequila
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15 Mar 2013, 11:21 am

..at gatherings of people that share your aims and interests?

How can I describe it? It's a weird experience, like I want to be there to see what's going on but to be honest I'd rather see it all through a TV screen at home, because I find dealing with people terribly hard work. I know that I am 'different', I know that I am odd, I know that I can be never truly accepted for a range of reasons, but I still stand there. People aren't hostile to me, but I'm still frightened of them.

I'd rather be a fly on the wall.

Does this make sense?



Marybird
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15 Mar 2013, 11:36 am

I feel like an invisible fly on the wall in situations like that. people talk among themselves in their world. If I say anything, they give a confused look my way as if thinking 'where did that sound come from?'. Oh, it's just the buzzing of a little invisible fly.



Tequila
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15 Mar 2013, 12:06 pm

Marybird wrote:
I feel like an invisible fly on the wall in situations like that. people talk among themselves in their world. If I say anything, they give a confused look my way as if thinking 'where did that sound come from?'. Oh, it's just the buzzing of a little invisible fly.


I feel like that as well, but it's not the same type of feeling.



LookingLost
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15 Mar 2013, 12:12 pm

I think I experience this too. I want to be involved in something i'm interested in, but for some reason the people aspect of it seems at least as bad, if not worse, than usual. I don't understand it. I was wondering if it might be because it seems more important to me for the situation to go well, since i'm actually interested in what the people are gathering for, so it's like there's more pressure?



redrobin62
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15 Mar 2013, 12:38 pm

I've belonged to an aspie meetup group for almost a year and I still have yet to attend one meeting. I just can't see me dragging myself to get there then, five minutes later, leaving. Given my history, and my extreme anxiety, that is what I'd be bound to do.



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15 Mar 2013, 12:47 pm

I think I know what you mean. I went into a yarn store and there were all these people who just hung out there knitting all day. Knitting lace is my special thing and I thought, "Wow! I'd love to hang out here." But I felt like waves of "Go away, weirdo" vibes were just rolling off them. That happens to me a lot.

As to what Marybird was saying, I get that too. If I try to participate in conversations, people look at me like I farted. :? How do you know when it's your turn?


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Marybird
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15 Mar 2013, 1:51 pm

I think I do know what you mean Tequila. It is a weird experience. Sometimes people treat me like I am a child and I feel like a child among adults. I can't relate. I live in a different world. I have my own way of thinking about things and viewing the world. I feel like other people are so much smarter than me, but at the same time I feel like I am smarter then they are.
I know that doesn't make sense, but I do feel intimidated by them. I would rather hang out with animals.



Last edited by Marybird on 15 Mar 2013, 6:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tequila
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15 Mar 2013, 2:08 pm

I just found it odd that, even when I was at a meeting and they were asking questions, I couldn't have felt more out of place had I tried.



theWanderer
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15 Mar 2013, 2:16 pm

I experience something like this, and I think it may be because, since they share my interests, their opinion of me actually matters more than that of a random mob.


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LizNY
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15 Mar 2013, 3:10 pm

Yes I know what you mean. Over the years I have had many different interests/obsessions in an effort to find what I'm good at and where I fit in. But every single time I try to fit in with a group around a shared interest I just don't get it right and I feel like an outsider. The work it takes to interact with people...not knowing what to say or how to act...I'm always told I look awkward in social situations....and I fear the inevitable rejection which only makes it more difficult for me to figure out the situation and act accordingly. I sort of gave up on sharing with people beyond a select few on wp. Might as well embrace my outsider status than to try so hard and to hope and then wait for them to reject me.


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patchouly
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15 Mar 2013, 4:32 pm

I can relate too.
I think it is because it is exiting to talk to others about something you really enjoy,but at the same time you want to get the social part right because you want to fit in with a group of people that share your enthousiasm.And it is just too much.



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15 Mar 2013, 5:24 pm

I know exactly what the OP and all the others in this thread say. That's always the problem. Even if I seem to share an interest with others, the social side of it is too difficult and I have to give up. As Mindsigh said I also feel the "Go away, weirdo" vibes. Probably we are destined to enjoy our interests alone. Or with those with autism/AS who are interested in the same thing, though that would significantly reduce the number of the interest sharers.



snowman70
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15 Mar 2013, 6:10 pm

How much of the "go away weirdo" vibe is the disorder, and learned helplessness, and just your complete ignorance in how you should feel in a social atmosphere?

I wonder that somehow, like...is it paranoia, or are they really thinking "go away"?

It's like we need a NT angel on our shoulder that just says, "no, it's ok, sit down, knit a while...observe the conversation"

But then the AS side walks in the room and they look at you like, "holy crap, that chick is weird, and did someone fart?" and you say screw it, i wanna sit down, and then they think "OMG, why", and then you introduce yourself and their like "oh, hi, I'm joana" but you know that they are thinking "...why are you so weird".

So yah, I hate groups of people...and once I get comfortable enough to talk with people, I think they hate me for the most part, because i talk too much about random stuff!



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15 Mar 2013, 6:40 pm

Tequila wrote:
..at gatherings of people that share your aims and interests?

How can I describe it? It's a weird experience, like I want to be there to see what's going on but to be honest I'd rather see it all through a TV screen at home, because I find dealing with people terribly hard work. I know that I am 'different', I know that I am odd, I know that I can be never truly accepted for a range of reasons, but I still stand there. People aren't hostile to me, but I'm still frightened of them.

I'd rather be a fly on the wall.

Does this make sense?


Yes

I generally prefer to avoid people even if they're not a threat to my sense of security as they're still hard work
and never act exactly as I want them to

Most people underwhelm me, to the extent that I can't be bothered with them

I prefer the internet to most people



auntblabby
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15 Mar 2013, 7:38 pm

my square pegs aspie meetup group is basically the best thing that ever happened to me. :idea: