Do I have some sort of mild aspergers?? Please help!

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Hello my name is Kenny, 16 years from Sweden. I always thought asking on the internet like this was kind of lame, but this is my last resort.
I thought I could list what I am experiencing and what is troubling me, and maybe someone with aspergers, or with knowledge around the subject could be kind enough to maybe help me out and tell me if they can relate. thanks.

As a kid I was very patient, and still am. At age 8 I waited in an airport for the plane overnight, for 10 hours I did not say a word and just played with my fingers. My mother used to brag to everyone about my calmness.

I don't like music

I don't have selective hearing

I can't burp(neurological but probably irrelevant?)

My handwriting is AWFUL no matter how much I've practiced, but hand-eye coordination is above average

I HATE it when my mom rearranges my room

Non-vocal music creates patterns in my mind that translates into the sound perceived

I can't hold eye contact at all

I am VERY picky with food

I'm extremely uncomfortable around others, activities like going to the store can on some days be horrible for me

Waiting is not a problem for me, I can dissapear for hours without a problem

I usually "zone out" during class for an example, if the teacher isn't talking

If someone makes a sarcastic joke I always belive them for the first 5 seconds, and me believing them becomes funnier than the joke itself, for others, that is.

I'm obsessed with visual effects and creating highly detailed 3d models

I always look at details

I always analyze peoples faces and their wrinkles in detail

I can't rest until a project of mine(that is important to me) is complete

I like to spend way too much of my time playing mind challenging videogames

My facial expressions are often monotonous and people think I'm sad but I'm not

I have a select group of friends, who are made from before 2nd grade.

I HATE questions

I really hate talking on the phone

I can't small talk at all

People always tell me my arms dont move when I walk, so I keep them in my pockets at all times

I have a very hard time looking freely around alot of people, it feels as if someone is going to judge me upon where I point my eyes

I can't build a connection with new people and my new classmates, I mean, I know them and so forth, but I just can't connect with them as friends

I'm socially awkward and rarely know what to say

I can talk on a moderate level if I'm with one person that I know, but if i talk too much I get a headache

In groups of people I can't talk, unless I'm having a VERY good day and I might say some stuff. But when I talk it's like I hesitate before every word. And there it's the same with the headaches, and I end up needing to walk away take breaks and people think that's weird.

Around girls, it's like I've been gagged, and I can't "just say something", it's like im getting one word to my mind once every minute. If there's a girl socially connected in any way, a group conversation or something I can't say anything at all.

It feels like people find me weird and I'm slightly socially isolated at school

I hate Math with a burning passion. I know that I could understand it if I wanted to. But… I just don't want to.

I analyze peoples conversations everywhere, on the train for an example, in hopes to learn how to socialize, but I never develop

I'm way too nice, and I can't be mean and have never been intentionally mean, not even on the internet. I also have a very hard time saying no

I'm not some friendless freaky type guy, I can sometimes act normal. But some days all of these things just add up into one giant bunch and I just feel like slamming my head into the wall

I know there's some more in the corner of my mind that I can't think of right now, as this is more than enough anyways. If anyone reads this I will be so very thankfull, because I just want to be able to connect with my classmates and also be able to speak to girls which is literally impossible for me at this point.

thanks

This sounds like you may have mild autism / aspergers. I recommend going to your GP if you want a diagnoses, but it sounds like you're on the right track with that assumption. Being "patient" and disappearing is something I do a lot.

Thanks for your response! I'm going to try gather the courage to talk about this with my parrents and just hope they arrange something good that help me get fixed!

Yeah, some of the things you mention I don't think are autism related, like hating maths, but many seem to be. You do have reasonable cause to go see someone and get assessed, and I would not be surprised if they said you had it.
You are also young, so some of the awkwardness is very normal for that age. Talking to the opposite sex is not easy for many young people. Be patient with yourself, with time things should improve. I appear pretty normal now, but when I was your age, I was a mess. Being autistic may make it harder, but not impossible.

It is OK to be different, and you have a right to be yourself, even if others don't understand it.

It sounds like you might either be on the spectrum (and please remember that this is a spectrum) or a 'bridge person' (some autism traits but not others).

Either way, you can have a relationship. The scientist Carl Sagan I'm pretty sure was on the spectrum and found happiness with his third marriage. With more self knowledge, it may not have taken that long.

One thing I recommend is being open to girls slightly older than yourself, like two or three years. And authenticity and being open to appreciating her without trying too hard---the zen of it all!---seems to be the coin of the realm. As well as ping-ponging communication and just letting a medium mistake be a medium mistake. And you see, that part throws me a little because it seems like there's always one more skill. But I tell myself, a lot of its about winging it.

Okay, some specific skills or methods, and I think people here at WrongPlanet can be helpful whether you're on the spectrum or not:

I have had some success 'softening' my vision and taking in the entire oval around both eyes, paying as much attention if not more to the muscles around the eyes. And allowing my vision to shift 'naturally' between both eyes. And looking away, doing it neither too short nor too long, staying medium. And realizing that this is an inexact right-brain process.

I think everyone has an internal censor which quickly reviews something a person thinks of before saying it. And I think this pertains to both those of us on the spectrum and persons who are quote-unquote 'normal' (no such thing as normal anyway and how boring the world would be if there were! ). And . . . I have made a conscious decision to turn down my internal censor so that the default setting is that it's propably okay to go ahead and say it anyway unless it really jumps out at me as clearly inappropriate. And I have had some success with this.

And I have combined this with, if a person needs space, go ahead and give them space, without the intermediate step of asking whether they 'should' need space.

Blacksabre7 - I've thought that it might get better with time for quite a while now, but all I've noticed is that it's getting worse. And I've been trying to improve for long and with no results, hence me asking for help on the internet. I've noticed that there's some awkwardness amongst certain people my age, but I rarely come across anyone who's case is as severe as mine.

I've heard the "Be yourself" expression many times before, but I feel it just doesn't apply to me. If I were to be myself, nobody in class would even know my name after a 2 year period. 90% of my public personality(which is not much) is just acting/trying to act.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer - Thanks for your tips Aardvark! :) I will definitely keep those in mind and see what I can do. And that censor theory is just marvellous, and trying to avoid it seems like a great idea! cheers

Thanks so much for your responses, I really appreciate this!

I'm sorry, I should probably have given you a time scale. I only really started to improve significantly in my late 20's, and you are so young. I had my first real relationship when I was 29. I had to fight my demons a long time to get to that point. I am now 45, married with 2 kids, and life is still hard, but I have a life. My kids have made the struggle worth it.

I don't want you to feel unhappy to think it might take so long. No-one ever helped me, and I could not and still don't ask for help. Maybe if I got diagnosed at your age things might have been easier for me. Maybe if someone had extended themselves to help me, or even if I had the internet at that time, it would have been easier.
I want you to have hope, and decide to never quit trying to make your life fulfilling for you. I initially responded just because I wanted to say to you that it can be done, even if it is not easy. We have a lot in common, but also many differences.
I hope you find some answers.

If it bothers you (which I guess it does) it's always a good idea to seek help. I wish I had when I was your age. Then maybe things would've been better now. I'm waiting to get assessed but they queues are long. They might be shorter for you since you are younger than I am. I don't know though. I'm not really sure how it works. The system sort of confuses me a bit. Anyway, from what you've written it sounds like you might be on the spectrum. I'm no expert though. Try to talk to your parents about it. Hopefully they know what to do next.

Lycka till.

(Jag är inte säker på att jag kan vara till någon hjälp men om du känner för det kan du skicka PM om du har frågor.)

Thanks guys! You gave me the confidence to take this up with my mother. It turns out she had suspected Autism of some sort within me way before myself, but never said anything about it! She's agreed to do her best in order to personally help me and also try to arrange official help. I think I actually reached rock bottom for me, as searching for help on the internet like this is nothing I would normally do, so now I've got nowhere to go but up, thanks to you awesome people! Thank you again so much for reading my first post

//Someone who's name isn't actually Kenny

I agree it sounds like aspergers is a possibility. Some of these things might be getting worse temporarily due to adolescence. If that's the case, some things should get better in time.

Tack sa mycket. = )