Well this is something...husband showing signs of autism

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My husband just got back from seeing a doctor for his evaluation for SSDI. He told me the doctor told him he shows signs of autism. I was surprised and wasn't surprised. I knew he had similarities but figured it had to do with his environment and brain damage and symptoms over lap. But she didn't say he was on the spectrum and had it, she just said he shows signs and it would take a lot more sessions to see if he had autism or not. She didn't hand it out like candy like some people online claim doctors do with this label. She was only there to get information, not counsel him and to diagnose. But she said most of his problems were due to depression. I didn't know my husband had it because he seems happy and he works and doesn't act depressed. The pain he is in from his ankles cause his depression.

I was also surprised because he doesn't show any symptoms and he isn't like what I read online about aspies in relationships when their partners moan about them. They all sound self righteous and jerks and very cold and uncaring. My husband is none of that and he is a sensitive guy and doesn't have any outbursts and he cares a lot about me. He doesn't get upset easily either so I don't have to walk on any eggshells. I knew not all aspies were like the ones I keep hearing about whenever I read about aspie marriages. It was so depressing I quit reading about it because it's never anything good and I always found it offensive we were being painted that way and it was being blamed on it. My husband told me he holds it all in and he is inward, I am outward so I show it while he holds it all in. Has has told me he used to be like me and he overcame lot of it. I told him I seem to have a talent to attract all these strange people because every guy I would meet always seemed aspie like or something.

I do wonder if it's possible two aspie can go years without knowing the other has it nor does the person know they even have it and then they find out one day from a doctor. Is it even possible for a partner to have AS and not ever seem to show any symptoms?

I will just keep saying he is NT or ND because it's easier than wondering if he is or not and driving myself crazy because I don't know what to label him as. I have always said he is a ND if anyone asked if he is on the spectrum and I would just say he has brain damage and three different learning disabilities and he has similarities with it.

It may be more likely that a person with AS (diagnosed) might not notice symptoms of AS in an undiagnosed partner, or simply not make the assumption that any noticeable symptoms are actually caused by having an ASD.

...

I have to wonder, though ... Is everybody somewhere on the ASD spectrum? I mean, is there a valid reason to assume that an "Everyone is a little bit autistic" meme has as much validity as the "Everyone is a little bit gay" meme?

Just wundrin'...

I can't bear it when I hear that everyone is on the spectrum tosh. I don't believe it for a minute, otherwise how could they identify the brain differences for one. Autism traits are extremes of human behaviour, all humans have human behaviour - which is where it is possible to note similar milder behaviours in NTs. I think it being a spectrum, the brain differences are either subtle or more obvious in autistic people (depending on the exact genetics or condition that caused it). I just don't believe everyone is on the autistic spectrum at all.

Well, you might try to look at it the Autistic Disorder Spectrum this way:

Catatonic < . . . . . . . . . . ^ . . . . . . . . . . "Autistic" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Aspie" . . . . . . . . . . ^ . . . . . . . . . . > Neurotypical

On this spectrum, "Normal" would include everything between the two carets.

But this is just a model, of course; and I'm only guessing.

Last edited by Fnord on 27 Mar 2013, 3:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If there's physical pain in his ankles that's been deemed to be caused by depression, then it's possible he has a touch of Fibromyalgia, which some online say may be solely caused by Salicylate Sensitivity. (which also causes/amplifies ASD symptoms.) If that's the case, a change in diet could benefit his depression, ankle pain, and AS symptoms all together. No, I have no way of knowing if he's salicylate sensitive - but it is very common amongst ASD people (I've read 75%) and may be worth looking into. Feel free to PM me about it if you like.

And yes, it's entirely possible - especially if neither, or none of them in my case, are diagnosed. It turns out that many people in my mothers side of the family are all AS, including all my siblings, and we had no idea until I figured it out ~6 months ago. Ditto for friends of mine, some I've known since Jr. High School, others more recently.. but until I knew the symptoms & traits of AS, I never saw it in myself or any of them. And even once I did know them, it took about 4-5 more months for me to put it together and realize that one of my closest friends is also ASD. I guess I had to work on getting my own head clear enough to be able to see it in him, too. Then I started picking up on a lot of subtle ASD things and put the whole picture of him as well as our friendship together. We're pretty much a textbook example of two Aspies with common mutual interests getting together to share information about them and do things we both like, and thoroughly enjoy each others' company. I've known him for 2 1/2 years or so and it's just been a very natural "fit," for one of the closest friends I've ever had in my life, and now I know why.. it's both of our ASD, annnnd it's auesome.

IF I hadn't been able to improve the way I have in order to have the clarity of mind to pick up on these things and my own AS/ADHD etc kept me rather oblivious to details, then there's a chance I could know my diagnosis - yet never recognize his or others - so that's possible, too, I suppose. Very possible, as it took me clearing my head up quite a bit to even start recognizing these things in him, then once I did things just began to "click," in my head and I "connected the dots," and I know for certain he's on the spectrum. Little subtle traits that are very uniquely ASD that he wouldn't have if he weren't, ie the vocal prosody, gait to his step when he walks etc - many more, too, many of which I knew he did but didn't know were ASD traits until I learned all about it.

In time he'll learn about them as well, as I now know the value of knowing and working on it & I want him to gain the same benefits vs. me feeling like I'm beginning to hold a communication and socializing advantage over him. Sure, I can keep our friendship on smooth sailing seas like this, but I don't want to feel like I have an advantage that would allow me to manipulate him, and I want him to have every advantage in life outside of our friendship that I've been gaining for myself knowing these things, too. Ditto with family members who are slowly realizing/accepting & learning about their own ASD.

I think I understand what you're saying. It is not that everyone is autistic it is that there is a certain continuum of different traits different people can have. Am I correct?

I have the feeling that with these women nothing will make them happy in their relationships.

I know what you mean about reading online about alleged partners with autism!

You have to remember that it's trendy for unhappy women who married a-hole narcissistic abusive idiots to label their husbands as "AS" or "autistic". That doesn't mean any of these spouses actually are even close to being on the spectrum, it's just the trendy thing to label people with who are cruel and appear to lack empathy. It makes me sick to read such posts here and puts me off posting, seeing selfish, abusive idiots "armchair diagnosed" with autism left, right and center.

This clearly isn't the case with your husband, and the doctor sounds like she knows what she's talking about