Poor attention span during social chit chat

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If you are talking to someone and having a conversation about your various interests do you tend to find that you have trouble concentrating and following the conversation if they change the subject to something you are not interested in or can you stay focused anyway?

Do you have trouble focusing whilst making social chit chat in general?

Are you ok with making conversation (and can actually enjoy it) if you are discussing your particular interests with people?

Do people often mistake your tendency for enjoying talking about your interests as either obsession or your being self absorbed?

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I am fine with conversing with people and can actually enjoy social interaction when I am talking with someone about subjects of interest to me (although I still do not like to socialise all the time as I need and enjoy my alone time where it is just me and my hobbies) but as soon as the topic changes to a subject I don't like or if the interaction consists only of social chit chat I tend to find I lose concentration as my brain wanders off to think about more interesting things.

I can sometimes force it but this is very hard work and will often consist of my brain zoning in and out and switching back and forth from the conversation to what it wants to think about as I try to force my attention onto listening to what is being said (run away brain as it wants to go where it wants to go and it doesn't appreciate me forcing it to do something it doesn't want to lol). This gives me a headache and I am often not successful at keeping my focus on the conversation itself.

Oddly, when it comes to my interests I have very intense focus, sometimes to the point where other things can fade into oblivion (except for really annoying sounds like electronic equipment buzzing which knock me out of my state of flow because its like hearing finger nails on a chalk board), including any chores I need to do, and I can hold that focus for hours on end without tiring. I also have a very good memory for such things. Yet for things that do not interest me I have the concentration span and memory capacity of a gold fish and in fact a gold fish may have a better memory capacity and concentration span than me!

Also whilst we are on the subject of memory, do you regularly lose things? I put something down and it seems to vanish, I forget appointments etc. People say use a diary but I will lose it...and so on. I spend so much time looking for stuff I have lost it is ridiculous.

Anyone else have the same problems?

I have trouble focusing on hoooman speech even about topics that I am verry merry berry interested in. I like to read rather than listen.

Yep. It's especially problematic when someone is giving me instructions.


If it's a topic I'm interested in with a person I'm interested in, I can usually maintain interest, but in those cases I can often dominate the conversation. If the topic of discussion moves onto something else, my brain sometimes gets "stuck" on the part of the conversation I enjoyed, and I won't really want to discuss anything else.


For the most part, yes.


I don't know; I've never gotten that specific point of feedback.

Yes. When I'm at work and people want to have small talk, I usually end up blanking out whatever they say and wanting to get to my machines as fast as possible. I look like I want to get away. It takes a while to come down from that feeling too.

If you are talking to someone and having a conversation about your various interests do you tend to find that you have trouble concentrating and following the conversation if they change the subject to something you are not interested in or can you stay focused anyway?


Yes, I have difficulty concentrating, and I find that I need to double my level of focus on the person when they do this. When they introduce new topics, I see it as an opportunity to learn about them, so I'll ask questions and take interest. However, this is not something I feel is natural to me (i.e. there is a voice in my head telling me that this is the proper way to do things rather than something I naturally do). My mind is always very active and it wanders quite a lot...and when it wanders off too much, the reactions of other people are usually negative ones. So, I feel better about myself when I do things that require focus and concentration, like focusing in on another topic someone brings up. So even though I have difficulty concentrating, it is rewarding to me when I am in situations where I can practice sharpening my concentration in conversations: because the more I do it, the more natural and comfortable it feels.

Do you have trouble focusing whilst making social chit chat in general?


Yes. All the freaking time. I have always had problems with this...and it's not that I don't care about the person or what they are saying, which I do, but I just have a lot of trouble paying attention in general...this was especially true when I was a kid.

Are you ok with making conversation (and can actually enjoy it) if you are discussing your particular interests with people?

Not really. I don't talk about my interests with people unless they are specifically asking about them. It's because I like to blend in and don't like being seen as weird. I also hate being the center of attention unless people are looking up to me (so I enjoy speaking about ASD but feel very uncomfortable in casual social situations), and when I talk about my interests, it draws the attention to me and I feel self-concious and awkward. I find that with my closest friends, I can let go of this somewhat and surprisingly they still think I'm cool. I have been doing this more and more lately...one example: my friend and I were talking about Target stores and this somehow morphed into me talking about a minor special interest (logos and stores from the past). I was very apologetic at first for bringing up something so weird, but he thought it was neat.

Do people often mistake your tendency for enjoying talking about your interests as either obsession or your being self absorbed?

Both in the past...but it's hard to tell now since I rarely bring up my interests

Last edited by anneurysm on 27 Mar 2013, 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes to all. Well, except maybe the last one. No one's actually accused me of being obsessed or self-absorbed; I openly admit that I am both of those things. :p

If you are talking to someone and having a conversation about your various interests do you tend to find that you have trouble concentrating and following the conversation if they change the subject to something you are not interested in or can you stay focused anyway?
-Yes I have trouble, if the topic is changed I go into my own little world and carry on the topic with myself, or eventually find something else non social to do, find a new social partner etc.

Do you have trouble focusing whilst making social chit chat in general?
-Yes I fail at this so bad, its gotten worse with age since I have become more aware of my own social short commings, i'm so afraid to talk to people now becouse I know i'll slip up, as a child i'd just run my mouth and get in trouble and not care or understand.

Are you ok with making conversation (and can actually enjoy it) if you are discussing your particular interests with people?
-special intrests yes I can aslong is I felt OK with the listener.

Do people often mistake your tendency for enjoying talking about your interests as either obsession or your being self absorbed?
-yes thats why I try to let them start my conversations on it, again being overly self aware is an issue now for me.

As for memory all I can do is put tools and things away after I use them even if I need them again later, takes alot of effort though. My long term memory is great so if things are in their place I can always find them.

I often have a great deal of trouble following along and sometimes get to the point where I nod my head or smile or whatever where I think it's appropriate to do so, while have absolutely no idea what they are yammering about.

I also used to handle face to face chit chit the the same way I would on the phone. I'd look around the room or at cars driving by, which of course in an NT body language signal telling people that they are boring you to death. One of the many ways I used to unintentionally hurt people's feelings or insult them.

These days I pretty much let those whom I'm around a lot know I'm autistic. Then instead of them thinking that I'm lousy at conversing or a jerk, their attitude is more like "wow, you converse really well for someone who's autistic".