"theory of mind" question about my six year old so

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squaretail
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11 Jan 2007, 2:57 pm

So, my six year old son has recently been engaging in some subtle manipulative tactics. If he wants something, he'll "beat around the bush", rather than just come out and state what he wants. It's like, he's trying to plant an idea in my head! It's pretty transparent, but then again, he's six. It looks something like this:

(in the kitchen, making dinner)

DS: Dad, I love you.
ME: Hey, I love you too!
DS: <Sigh> I sure love Roller Coaster Tycoon
ME: Uh, do you want to play Roller Coaster Tycoon?
DS: Well, Yes, I guess so! (in a tone that suggests he wasn't really thinking along those lines)

Is this an example of "theory of mind" - this, clumsy attempt to put ideas into my head, somehow thinking that subtlety will increase his likelihood of success?



SteveK
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11 Jan 2007, 3:05 pm

HEY! He's ONLY 6! TV shows talk about this kind of "psychology" ALL THE TIME! Are you SURE he really wanted to play it even? Did HE want to originally get the game? Do a lot of his friends play it?

Steve



squaretail
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11 Jan 2007, 3:19 pm

Oh, I guess I should give a little context, sorry (my own weak theory of mind, I guess)...

Yes, he owns and loves this game. He wants to play it all the time, and I think he's gotten used to me telling him "no" when he asks to play it.

I have two ASD daughters (twins), and since their dx, I've been starting to think that my son might have an ASD, specifically AS (because he talked early and often!). One of the symptoms of an ASD is an underdeveloped "theory of mind", which, if I understand it correctly, is an impaired ability to understand that other people have their own thoughts, or something like that.

Anyway, I was thinking that this manipulative behavior might confirm that he has a well developed "theory of mind".

No big deal, just curious about what other people thought.



SteveK
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11 Jan 2007, 3:56 pm

Yeah, I understood that context. I have the same understanding of that "theory". Frankly, given our understanding, I think that theory is HOGWASH! I understand people have their own minds, feelings, ideas. OBVIOUSLY, people do HERE also. I mean what is the point of a forum like this otherwise?

I didn't ask if he had that game, etc... I asked if he wanted it. My mother emotionally tortured me more than anyone might believe. I don't even know if SHE knows about the TORTURE! When I thought I was normal, it seemed SADISTIC! After finding I was autistic, it was far worse. I actually had the handset in one hand, and dialed most of the numbers for CPS because she was in the midst of torturing me.

Anyway, there HAVE been times that I have basically been (AHEM) encouraged to LIE about desire to support ANOTHER persons feelings, even when they had LONG been aprised of my hatred of such things. I thought, perhaps, your son had the same problem. AGAIN, this is shown in movies. That "christmas story" about the kid that wanted the bb gun comes to mind. I believe that is the one. Remember when he was given the pink bunny suit type PJs and (AHEM) encouraged to wear them?

Steve



LovingmyAspie
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11 Jan 2007, 5:56 pm

:lol: My almost 12 y/o is like that! he will go into the kitchecn and he will look around... then he will hug me.... "love ya mom" me: "love ya to babe" son: looks at the cookies... me: "do you want something?" Son: shrugs "hmmmm" me: "how about cookies with milk?" son: "hmmm sure! why not?!" :lol: and I have told him many time to just ask for things but he just won't.... :lol:


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ping-machine
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12 Jan 2007, 6:59 pm

I used to do something very similar myself, usually because I was too scared of the reply (or my own reaction to it) to ask outright.


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ahayes
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12 Jan 2007, 7:28 pm

If you want to get him to stop doing that, let him have something when he asks, but weasel out of any "planting" he tries to do. And be persistent, this is a learning process and doesn't happen instantaneously.