How to talk to someone with a more extreme case of AS

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Aardvark
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20 Jan 2007, 1:03 am

I might be introduced to a friend's friend soon, who is, I have no doubt in my mind, an Aspie, and one with severe interaction difficulties I would say.
The vast majority of people on this forum are very self-aware; as in they can talk intelligently about their AS and its effects. and their obsessions. This guy (who's 20) can't, he continually asks people he's barely met 1 minute ago about his obsessions. If it's about weather it isn't to do with weather systems or something you would expect form a budding meteorologist/stormchaser; he'll ask something along the lines of is it sunny in Taiwan? Does it rain in Yugoslavia? Is it snowing in the Rocky Mountains? Why don't you relocate and live in ___ the weather is sunny etc etc. and on and on and on as though you would know. His obsessions are seemingly very random. and he is rarely able to engage in 'intelligent' conversation.
From what I heard he's a very nice guy, but his difficulty is that he's extremely socially naive, much more so than anything I've heard of on this forum.
When he was younger he used to dance around and run up and down flapping his hands, and and when my friend told him to keep a secret he told everyone that my friend said ___, but it's a secret and he's keeping it for him. :)

So yes, I would like to meet him since he lives around my area. It goes without saying that he has very few friends and most of the "friends" he has take blatant advantage of him, and I wouldn't mind trying to be a friend, or at least a friendly acquiantance who won't do the same.
But while I think I could easily get along well with most of the Aspies on here, you guys are more than able to carry on meaningful conversations, I'm not sure how to talk to him because he lacks the self awareness that most Aspies on online communities have.

Any ideas?



ahayes
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20 Jan 2007, 1:46 am

A question I might ask is: Does he have AS or OCD?



SteveK
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20 Jan 2007, 1:56 am

ahayes wrote:
A question I might ask is: Does he have AS or OCD?


YEAH, I don't think he has AS either. Aren't ****ALL**** AS people supposed to be "self aware" etc...?

Steve



calibaby
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20 Jan 2007, 2:08 am

I would suspect something other than AS because he talks about his obsessions with people he's barely met. wouldnt he be more shy around new people and not want to talk to them?



Flagg
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20 Jan 2007, 2:29 am

OCD gone horribly weird.



Aardvark
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20 Jan 2007, 2:40 am

I don't know but I've read that AS people can be extroverted, but the social difficulties remain.

All i can tell you is that he has no clue about social situations and unwritten rules, they have to be spelt out explicitly for him and of course in a different situation he doesn't know what to do.



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20 Jan 2007, 2:46 am

Since all Aspie's are unique in their own way it's hard to say what will work with him. The way I would talk to him is based on my own experience with my obsessions and AS. If he talks to you, I would let him ask the questions and when you answer, answer briefly but sound interested. I wouldn't try to change the subject at all either. Just kind of go with the flow, take it easy. A lot of "deeper" Aspies have somewhat of a 6th sense and if he senses you're trying too hard he probably won't trust you. That's just what I think about that.

As far the comment about the Aspies here talking about their AS. Well, that's only another one where I can only speak for myself. When I "type" it seems smooth because I can put my thoughts on paper better than saying them out loud. I type a lot of run on sentences but I can go back and correct them and other mistakes so it sounds "normal".

Talking to people in person is completely different for me...it's awkward, unless I know them well. A lot of times what I'm trying to say I just can't put in words out loud as easily as in writing. I read somewhere that most Aspies can write much better than they talk. There are Aspies who have written books about AS but they don't talk out loud hardly at all.
I don't really trust people and I'm not comfortable enough with people to talk to just anyone. I kind of stay in my own world and to my own thoughts and obsessions.

Put us all in a room together physically, I would freeze and not say a word. If I was forced to talk it would come out....really....choppy and short.



Young_fogey
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20 Jan 2007, 4:57 am

It sounds more like this person has full-blown autism than AS.

Good point, Droopy.



SteveK
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20 Jan 2007, 10:28 am

Aardvark wrote:
I don't know but I've read that AS people can be extroverted, but the social difficulties remain.

All i can tell you is that he has no clue about social situations and unwritten rules, they have to be spelt out explicitly for him and of course in a different situation he doesn't know what to do.


I wouldn't say I am an extrovert. NO WAY! I DO, however, often try to look like one(When I control the situation!)! Put me in a room as another attendee, and I may go off into one corner. Nobody may ever know I was there! If I go to a store, or am the speaker at the same event, that's different.

STILL, this guy sounds more like my step brother than an extrovert! My step brother acts the SAME way! He is MR!! !! ! No autism, etc...

Steve



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20 Jan 2007, 10:38 am

It sounds to me, also, that this person's autism is more involved than anyone's here. That he communicates almost entirely by asking questions, rather than talking about people or ideas, shows a far more involved form of autism. I would be uncomfortable around such a person, because I feel that I was the subject of an inquisition. I find that any more than two or three questions in succession make me feel very uneasy.



alex
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20 Jan 2007, 11:04 am

calibaby wrote:
I would suspect something other than AS because he talks about his obsessions with people he's barely met. wouldnt he be more shy around new people and not want to talk to them?


aspies can be very extroverted so I wouldn't be surprised by him talking to random people about his obsessions.


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SteveK
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20 Jan 2007, 11:37 am

alex wrote:
calibaby wrote:
I would suspect something other than AS because he talks about his obsessions with people he's barely met. wouldnt he be more shy around new people and not want to talk to them?


aspies can be very extroverted so I wouldn't be surprised by him talking to random people about his obsessions.


YEAH, if you talk about THIS, this is actually an AS trait!

My mother spoke with a mother whos son was diagnosed AS. The woman spoke of how her son was quiet(I am too), and my mother said "That doesn't sound like steve. Once you mention about something he is interested in, he could talk for HOURS"!(Don't worry! It's TRUE, but I don't.) Her friend said YEAH, MATT(the diagnosed AS person) does too! So my mothers attempt to deny something simply gave more evidence, and explained another quirk I have.

BTW Alex! This could be considered sounding arogant at times. It IS a published trait though.

EVEN in my job, which grew out of an "interest", I could talk for HOURS(sometimes NOT an exaggeration) to answer a "yes/no" question! HEY, sometimes they AREN'T "yes/no", and require history and reasoning.

NOW, I have toned this down even at my job. If someone WANTS to talk for hours on the subjects though, I can. Sometimes, even for "yes/no" questions, I tell them in a few sentences that we can't do it, WHY, and HOW we could acheive the goal, and they setup meetings to discuss it.

Steve



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20 Jan 2007, 11:38 pm

Sounds like he is definitely on the spectrum. I would say AS before low spectrum autistism. The auties I have met can't even speak coherently enough to discuss any weather related or otherwise. I know some who can talk 3 hours about lithium chain grease to anyone he meets up with and I suspect he has AS.



9CatMom
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21 Jan 2007, 10:38 am

There are some things I wouldn't talk about to just anyone. The good thing about this site, and my cat site, is that I can talk about my favorite things all I want to.