If you live alone or with roommates, how do you cope?

Post Reply New Topic

I've lived in apartments alone before, and the problems that came up were:

A). NOISE. Not having any control over the noise of neighbors or even non-human noise. And before you rent, how the hell can you test the place so you know it's not noisy @ night?

B). HAVING ASPERGERS AND BEING ALONE. I could not live alone because with my Asperger Syndrome I'm already isolated so it's a double-whammy...

C). LANDLORDS. I get stressed over the slightest thing. I have meltdowns over the littlest thing. Worrying if something will be fixed or if your landlord doesn't hate you.... When I was renting, this drove me crazy. I go nuts if I don't know when something will be fixed or if I have to handle a major problem alone. I literally go into a tizzy... (I know I sound like a baby but unfortunately it's the reality....I NEED HELP LIVING INDEPENDENTLY BECAUSE I GET OVERWHELMED WITH THE STRESS. I am also incredibly disorganized and have the memory of a gnat.

D). ISOLATION

E). OVERWHELMED

F). GENERAL PARANOIA

I don't know if the above is specific to being on the spectrum, but I've never handled living completely on my own very well.

Oh, and

G). ROOMMATES (This probably goes without saying ) The horrors of sharing a space with someone you may not get along with.....but the alone option isn't good either if it means a complete quarantine from the rest of the world. I don't handle either well

So for those of you who A). Live alone, or B). Live with roommates ....... How do you deal with it? Do you have any of the above issues; if so, how well (or poorly) have you been able to cope??

I have lived alone and I have had roommates. I currently live alone so I'll answer the questions based on that criteria.
A. NOISE - I live in a quadplex - four units. If anything, they'd probably say I was the noisiest because I'm a musician and I often listen to music or watch TV. My neighbor knocks on the wall sometimes, though.
B. HAVING ASPERGER'S AND BEING ALONE - As I've noticed over the months I've been here, having Asperger's is but one small part in defining someone. Many of us, including myself, have comorbids which adds to our definition. I, myself, have AvPD, depression and a touch of anxiety. For me, being alone is not a curse.
C. LANDLORDS. I've lived here for 6 years and I get along pretty well with the landlord. I've always paid on time and I've never heard them say they received a complaint about me.
D. ISOLATION. Yeah, I'm isolated and feel all alone in the world. It'd probably be worse if I didn't have AvPD. My understanding is, people like us, prefer it this way. I do anyway.
E. OVERWHELMED. Unfortunately, this issue bothers me. Sometimes I truly believe I should be living with someone else just in case I get a stroke, fall on the floor and can't reach a phone. I also sometimes think it'd be nice to have someone share in the duties of grocery shopping, doing laundry, etc. Oh well/
F. GENERAL PARANOIA. Yep. This is a problem, too. Can't help this one. At night I sometimes think someone could be breaking into the apartment. This is the reason I could never get a whole house by myself. Every window and door is penetrable and I wouldn't be able to sleep for one minute in a whole house by myself.
G. ROOMMATES. I do have an extra bedroom but I use it as the laundry room. The pros & cons of having a roommate always favor the cons so I don't have one.

I can relate to the OP. I live alone now, but I've lived with others in the past.

A. I am quite sensitive to noise, but I've been lucky with people noise. It's a potential problem, but I'm just lucky.

B. and D. I do feel alone and isolated. I have very few friends. So I'm practically all alone all the time. Even at work I'm an outcast and alone surrounded by colleagues who don't talk to me. I am coping better nowadays with being alone. I used to feel really depressed about being alone. Although I do still feel very lonely sometimes, I do feel peaceful being alone at home mostly because most other people only torment me.

C. That was the biggest problem. I actually got into a very unhealthy mental state because of the landlord/real estate agent in the past. The place was horrible/disgusting (flying insect infestation due to bad design causing very high humidity in the bathroom) and they didn't deal with it. They tried to blame me for it and tried to make me pay for it. My mental health deteriorated badly because of it. I'm not an assertive person and it's really hard to deal with problems like that and I have no one to help me.

E. Yes, I'm overwhelmed by many things. Many things that other people can handle easily are challenges for me. Everyday chores are too much and I avoid many of them. If I find a cockroach, I pretty much panic.

F. Like redrobin I worry about being broken into. It's highly possible. The metro area that I live in has a lot of break-ins. I also worry about having a heart attack or stroke or something and not being found for days.

G. I have had problems with housemates in the past and I never want to do that again. I choose loneliness over having people around who make me uncomfortable/tense. I can't win.

Overall, I'm not coping well with life. Now that I know about AS, I'm thinking I have to make some dramatical changes to improve my quality of life. I hope you also make some changes internally (your way of thinking) and externally (living arrangement etc) and find a happier life.