Overreacting and Obsessing...

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I don't know if writing this has any use - it might just be me going crazy, or some of you might be the same.

I am happily in a relationship with my bf - we've been together for 2 years, 3 months and 31 days. We see each other all the time (we live together with his parents at home, and 2 other people when at University). We know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together, we've spoken about marriage, having a family etc, but we're not engaged yet. We've spoken about it and he says that he will propose, and that he knows the date that he will, but I don't when it will be.

I've been fine with that, but last night I found out that his brother, whom I have a strong disliking for, proposed to his then girlfriend, now fiance. As soon as I heard, I felt so angry! I think that feeling this way might be normal, but I'm really obsessing about it now. All last night, I couldn't stop thinking about it - I even dreamt about it. Since I woke up this morning, I've had "butterflies". This is ridiculous. I can't stop obsessing about it. I know I'm competitive, but this is irrational isn't it? I just can't believe that he's asked her before my boyfriend has asked me. My boyfriend's brother has only been going out with his girlfriend for 7 months! If it was anyone else, I wouldn't care, but I can't stand the fact that they're now engaged. They've just arrived throught the front door, and all I want to do is throw something against a wall!! !

I get like this about a lot of things. There isn't one thing that I get obsessed about - it goes in phases. I think that I'll probably be obsessing over this for weeks.

Also, I don't like admitting this, but I can't stop thinking of horrible things happening to either of them. I can't help it. I'm just so angry/annoyed!

I know that this irrational. Have any of you felt like this?

I overreact emotionally because I am emotionally sensitive.

I am not very competitive though as I prefer tootling around quietly doing my own for the pleasure of doing it rather than competing.

I do sometimes feel like I want horrible things to happen to people who are nasty to me but I don't really mean it. I am just angry, hurt and upset. I won't do anything horrible I will just rant about it until I work it out of my system. Sometimes people can be really vicious and mean. They seem to enjoy seeing another person suffer and I don't understand how they can do that. So I get angry with them and momentarily want to hurt them the way they have hurt me. I don't because I know I would feel sick if I did as I don't like inflicting harm on another human being (or animal for that matter).

Hell I even apologise to a daddy long legs if I accidentally cause him to lose a leg whilst trying to take him outside. I don't think I'd cope with intentionally hurting another living thing.

Last edited by bumble on 04 Apr 2013, 11:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think I know the feeling you are experiencing. I don't blame you for feeling like that, even including thinking of horrible things happening to them. It's good that at least you know it's irrational and is not a good thing to think. Do you dislike your boyfriend's brother's fiancée as well?

I just want to say, you should probably not let it affect your behavior because something like that could affect your relationship with your boyfriend in a long term. Bitter, jealous, vindictive behavior surely will work against you, even resulting in the worset outcome. So you should not try to pressure your boyfriend about the proposal date or anything. I know it's hard, but try to think about/do other things. They (or he) are not worth thinking about. Come and post more here, if you are not feeling happy. At least some people will understand you.

Thank you for replying. Hmm, maybe I am overly sensitive too? I don't know.

I know what you mean. I'm only thinking of these things because I'm angry. I won't actually do anything, and if I did I'd regret it afterwards. It does take a lot of restraint to stop me, but I wouldn't hurt anyone, I know that.

Thank you for replying. Everything that you have written makes sense. I can usually think objectively, but not always. When reading something that makes sense, I can recognise that that's right, like now.

I do dislike my boyfriend's brother's fiancée too, but again that's irrational. I don't like feeling the way that I do, but I can't help it. She hasn't done anything wrong, in fact she's nice, but I hav a disliking towards her too because of my disliking for my boyfriend's brother. Again, I know that this is irrational but I can't help it. (My dislike for his brother is rational but I don't feel that it's necessary to explain why).

Also, I know that the thoughts that I have are bad, but I always get them when I'm feeling any negative emotion. I must state that I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt/act out my thoughts - even the milder bad thoughts. For example, yesterday I didn't know if my boyfriend's parents knew about the proposal, so I considered 'accidentally mentioning something' (on purpose obviously), because it would ruin their moment, but I didn't. It did give me pleasure thinking about it though, but I wouldn't do it. I wish I didn't have these thoughts, but at least I have the restraint to keep them as thoughts I guess.

You're right, I know that I need to not pressure my boyfriend into proposing, I know it would be crazy to do so. Thankfully I have an amazing boyfriend. He knows all of this. We literally tell each other everything - no secrets, even if it seems like I shouldn't say anything and vice versa. I don't know how he understands but thankfully he does.

I am trying to think of other things, but when I get obsessed about something, it's impossible to get it out of my head.

Is what I'm experiencing NT or AS? I know that NTs get obsessed, but the way that I'm feeling isn't NT. But that doesn't mean that it's AS either. I was just wondering.

I'm no expert, but I believe that the feelings that you described are quite universal. I think many people would feel angry and jealous in such situations. Of course most people would hide their feelings. I honestly think that even thinking of horrible things happening to others is quite common. I say it because I can sense/hear some hidden joy (or some kind of gloat) in their voices when some people are talking about unfortunate things that happened to other people, though they say they feel sorry for those unfortunate people. I think they are just being diplomatic.

However, having AS might cause you to be even more obsessed than normal. It's just my thought. I don't even know how obsessed you are. So I can't really judge. But I do myself sometimes experience excruciating obsession with negative thoughts that I can't get rid of. I believe that's what you are experiencing. Now that you mentioned it, it might be affected to some extent by AS. Who knows?

Indeed. I know that the way that I'm feeling is probably universal - just maybe not the extent. I'm definitely not saying that I think my negative thoughts are because of AS, but I'm wondering if the fact that I'm becoming overly obsessive about it is. At the end of the day, I always seem to obsess over things. It's never just one thing - I go through phases, but when I'm in that phase, I am VERY obsessive. When something gets into my head, like this has, it just becomes another obsession. I'm just so glad that my boyfriend is so understanding. I know that I'm just overreacting as the title suggests - hopefully it'll subside soon.

Interesting thought though. I wonder if others on the spectrum obsess excessively over negative thoughts more than NTs?