Ever feel like you never have 'happy' time to yourself??

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This post will be all over the place, so pardon the disjointedness... i'm just SOO frustrated

Ok, to give you a little background, I am not the kind of person that can be completely alone. In the past I lived alone and it was horrible....i was deeply depressed and there was this terror (a certain pit of the stomach anxiety unique to aloneness)...

I don't live alone any longer, but in place of that is having to get along with people you have tense relations with. Every day, I fight to not be disliked or feared. It is the kind of thing you go through, I guess, when you don't have family nearby. I always feel like i'm on a tightrope with people - one wrong thing and they will hate me

I feel the happiest when I'm on my laptop and feel like I'm getting along with everyone. I keep looking for that 'alone' time where I can feel both accepted and around others but in my room, on my computer.

IT NEVER HAPPENS!!

I'm constantly either having a conflict with someone (in my own head or in real life).....things are tense or I feel marginal (disliked)... The feeling is SO uncomfortable that it is intolerable. It causes such anxiety that I'm unable to sleep sometimes.

On a day to day basis, it seems like I'm thrust into social situations where I feel at least one person hates me. If I avoid these situations, I feel bad because it feels like I'm hurting someone's feelings. For example, just the other day I was invited to the beach by a friend - I turned down that invitation - and the whole day I felt guilty and bad, worried I may lose the friendship.

I will never be happy. I worry constantly. Never at peace. Every day it is survival mode, sometimes even paranoia. Though, not sure if paranoia isn't a rational concern for many of us Aspies who are 'on the margins'....

I envy people who have significant others, who they can coexist with and still enjoy that alone time.....and never worry they will lose that person!

A lot of people here are in relationships.... I'm not sure how you do it, but it is an awesome achievement, if you're in a somewhat stable situation.

I'm in a situation where I never know when the rug will be yanked from under me. I feel incredibly uncertain, fearful and unsure. I never know if I'll be homeless tomorrow.

Skip to here if this post was too long to read! Just wondering if any of you ever feel like you never have happy time to yourself. When you are alone, do you just feel lonely or worried instead? Do you ever have moments where you feel peaceful, or is life just one crisis after another like mine is??

I really don't mind being alone. Most of the time I prefer it.

Social exclusion and all of it's offspring (anxiety, paranoia,lack of information on other people's motives, etc.)....suck.

I used to feel lonely and depressed a lot about being alone and having no friends because I thought it was because I was considered by others as an undesirable, unattractive person with a bad personality though I was trying to be good to them. Now I have many moments when I feel peaceful being alone because I know the I'm not a bad person after all and because most other people just misunderstand me and torment me based on that wrong judgment. I'm still sad about not being able to connect with others, but knowing that it's not really my fault helps me deal with it.

I like to have alone time. I don't want to be alone ALL the time. About 3-4 hours alone time a day is ideal for me.

I am a single mother of two, so I don't get enough alone, happy time at all.

When I was younger, I believed I need to be with people all the time. Because that's what it seemed to me that everyone else did. I tried very hard to "fit in" and be liked by all the popular people. Because I believed that if I was popular, somehow my life would be better and whatever was "wrong" with me would go away.

Looking back, I made myself miserable. I would have been much happier had I not placed more social demands on myself than was comfortable for me. I would have been happier if I would have just recognized that I do not require the same degree of socialization as "everyone" else does. I actually enjoy being alone. Not all the time. But more often than most people would like it.

It sounds to me like you are expending a lot of energy due to your perceptions of how others feel about you. You didn't give any solid evidence that other people dislike you or feel negatively toward you. You mention mostly that you "feel" that they do. That it's your perception.

One thing that has helped me is realizing that it is very unlikely that most people are spending any time thinking about me at all. I realize that on the one hand that can sound cold, but when I realized that, it actually freed me. Here I was, worrying what other people were thinking about me when we were not together, when the reality is, they probably were not thinking about me at all. I'm just not THAT important to most other people. That is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. Because then I don't need to be consumed by worry all the time.

My advice: when people ask you to do things, accept the invitation unless you are really not in the right space to be around others. And periodically invite them to do things with you. I like things like going to dinner and a movie because there are natural beginnings and endings. But if no one has asked you to do anything, spend alone time doing whatever makes you happy. If someone complains, simply state "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you wanted to do something. What would you like to do?"

But mostly, try to find a way to stop obsessing about what others are thinking about/feeling about you. Because the reality is, there is a large possibility that they are not thinking or feeling anything.