Have any of you been to counseling as an adult?

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I'm very depressed, but I know why and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. My family is pushing me to go to counseling, but I don't think it will do any good. I've looked into it a little and there doesn't seem to be anyone local who specializes in Aspergers/autism for adults so I'm wondering if anyone else found it worthwhile or if it would be just throwing time/money away leaving me more depressed than when I started.

Depressions are best dealt with in counseling, - and perhaps medication along if severe. Aspie or not.

This belief is an error. It depends on the cause of the depression. Some types of depression such as situational will not always respond well to antidepressants and in fact taking medications can sometimes mess you up more.

In my experience the lack of understanding on the part of the therapist has often made me feel worse so therefore I tend to avoid therapy these days and find my own solutions instead. I hate therapy, I come out feeling as frustrated as hell because they just don't get it and they are too caught up in erroneous beliefs such as the one above.

Last edited by bumble on 23 Mar 2013, 6:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes! I would agree and especially depression treatment would work with individuals with AS because it is a very cognitive, thought based approach, rather then delving into feelings/dynamics.

I agree that a therapist who doesn't understand would make it tough, you could explain AS to them or try books, first. There are books you could try, like Overcoming Depression: A Cognitive Therapy Approach Workbook (Treatments That Work) [Paperback] Mark Gilson (Author), Arthur Freeman (Author), M. Jane Yates (Author), Sharon Morgillo Freeman (Author)

Good luck, you are not alone *hugs*

Sometimes feelings are important and should not be ignored, AS or otherwise. And from what I can tell many with AS do indeed have feelings to work with otherwise we would not see multiple posts from people feeling upset because someone misinterpreted them and was a prat towards them again. If there were no feelings involved no one on this forum would care if people were mean to them. Depression itself is a feeling.

Some depressions like existential depressions are not understood by therapists at all and they know nothing about resolving it. Situational depression can be helped best by finding a solution to the circumstances that are causing the problem, biochemical depression is best treated with medications and therapy combined.

A therapist can help with coping mechanisms but so can any good self help book. Just be aware that the coping mechanisms are usually designed for neurotypical people and usually involve lots and lots of socialising because they still believe it will make you feel better...

For an NT therapy is simply wonderful though.

I have been sent to therapists many times; the first time happened when I had a suicide attempt back in college. That was against my will. I usually quit as soon as I can because they are so out of touch, it's ridiculous. They expect you to talk about your feelings, but I really can't. It's easier to write them out, but I tend to shut down when I'm faced with the embarrassing prospect of talking about them in person. I also don't ever cry in front of other people, and it's hard to talk about certain things without crying, so yeah, therapy doesn't typically work for me. Psychologists usually have a very cold demeanor, so I wouldn't be comfortable crying in front of them anyway even if I were comfortable crying in front of people generally.

I think the ideal would be a therapist who could read between the lines and ask me questions and tell me what I'm thinking or feeling because maybe I don't even know, especially when having to face someone and be vulnerable causes me to shut down.

I tried writing stuff down once as generally I am a much stronger writer than I am a speaker and they wouldn't read it. They insisted that I tell them instead. That actually didn't work well.

I do know it can be hard to find the right words to express what I am feeling, especially in a way that they will understand, I can struggle with that one as some feelings are just that..a feeling..but there is no word to describe them.

This is why lately I have turned to art and have a desire to take an art class and learn to paint etc. Although I think in both pictures and words, some of the stuff in my head is in images or pictures only and these can be difficult to translate exactly in words. I also have to allow sufficient time to make the translation and often when speaking to a therapist I do not have time to do this as they want me to answer too quickly. Also umming and arrring a lot whilst I try to find the right words makes me look weird!

Ergo I wanted to try drawing my feelings instead...I thought maybe it might be a better way of trying to express them as sometimes I do need to express them even if I can struggle with that in some instances. Art might be a good outlet for me as I find it soothing as well.

I have seen many different counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and life coaches. My favourite styles are the counsellors and life coaches as I have found them to be more respectful of who I am compared with just having people tell me how to be and who to be and give me photocopies of articles on how to achieve it.

I DO find it helpful. I particularly like the client-directed, reflective listening approach. I believe as someone on the spectrum we so often get misunderstood by others that it is nice to have someone just make us feel like they are on our side, and it is nice to have a space open up for us to express ourselves in. It is also nice to have someone point out our feelings "That must have felt awful", as often I believe we can get TOO caught up in our heads cognitively and we forget our feelings.

You have to "shop around" though until you find someone who clicks with you. This can be annoying but it is worth it when you find the right person. you cannot judge "counselling" on one or two people who are counsellors. They are all so different to each other.

One of my favourite counsellors was a girl who counsels those on the spectrum who actually has Asperger's herself.

I am seeing a therapist, mainly because I am in a relationship and need help. However, I specifically sought a therapist who understood the challenges of those on the Autism spectrum. Does she understand (or have any of the others)? Well, I'm beginning to think not. However, being in therapy has helped me to see that I quickly become depressed when I am not honest with my yes and no. Meaning, if I say yes to something I really don't feel comfortable with or no to something I'd really like to say yes to (out of politeness), I am not living my truth and I become depressed.

My friend Tom Shadyac did an incredible documentary called "I Am" which really inspired me. He did a talk shortly after the movie was released and shared that depression is really de-pressing your truth (he was pretending to press his truth into his stomach). When he said this, it sort of clicked, I guess. When I'm not living my truth, when I apologize for who I am, when I am seeking love and approval from those who don't have love and approval to give (rather than accepting it from those who do, wholeheartedly) I become depressed. Please watch the film! It's a good one. Sometimes it's just good to see the whole picture of how incredible we really are and how (scientifically) we are all part of something much larger than we can imagine. It can snap (some of us) right out of that.

As far as medication goes, I've heard some people have had luck with it. I did not. Didn't do a darned thing. I believe meds continue the problem, and don't solve the problem. But, some of us, apparently, need them to get along. Nothing wrong with that. :0)

I have been in counseling a few times. Off the top of my head two are good, and one was bad. The bad one did not really get AS even though she said she did and kept up with this weird emotion and feeling processing nonsense. The two good ones have helped and I do encourage you to try counseling and when you do make sure it is with some one who listens to you and you are comfortable with.

Of the two good ones, one was before I was diagnosed, but she still helped with where my depressed thoughts were not lining up with reality. Mostly with how I feel responsible for things I am not responsible for and this causes anxiety. Especially when people do not behave how I think.

The second good one I am still seeing. He has specialized in AS and other similar non NT conditions like ADD and what not (those being the largest section of his patient population). He has help lots with dealing with and identifying the sources of my anxiety and how to relate to people better (or communicate with them differently to convey what I am conveying), sometimes I feel like he is an interpreter between AS and NT.

edit: I am also on an anti-depressant and some meds for anxiety. I have found them helpful but it did take some time to figure out which meds worked and which did not.

Yeah. I agree about it being hard to express the words you want. Social anxiety is a huge problem with many Aspies. When I write things down I'm much more open and clear. I can also express very embarassing things that way. This past week I actually wrote out a list of my concerns for my psychiatrist. I wasn't sure if he would read them, but he took it and spent five minutes reading them over and then asked me where I wanted to start. I felt like it allowed the discussion to procede in a much more meaningful manner than just trying to open up to random questions. And because there is a list he will be able to prepare a little bit for other sessions, like I've given him homework. [I suspect he might even have appreciated not having to take as many notes.]

If they will not read your thoughts, will they also not let you read your prepared thoughts out loud? If they do not at least allow you that then you should bring up the point that by not allowing you to express yourself the way you want or completely; they are essentially going to be working with an incomplete understanding of what is going on inside your head; ask them how their distorted, incomplete view of you is going to be of any help to you?

I've been in counseling a few times in the last 20 years or so, with varying degrees of effectiveness. It's useful to have a sounding board for things that you don't necessarily want the people in your life knowing. I've had therapists that were crap for some things but also really good for other things. I've had therapists who were just crap. And I've had one really good one who I still miss every once in a while.
Also, medication isn't necessarily part of the process, but it can help.

I think sometimes it's just really important to have an hour a week set aside to talk about YOUR issues without having to bother with all the worry about manners and whose turn it is to speak and what that facial expression means and blah blah blah. It's a chance to say to another human being what you need to say without all the social stress attached. It's totally valuable. One caveat: Don't see someone you don't like.

Bumble and JeepGuy-I like the idea of writing things down. I'm also much better at writing. Will do that this week with my therapist! :0) Thank you!! !! !

Therapy has worked for me BECAUSE my therapist is an Aspie. She explains things to me in a logical, linear fashion that makes sense to me. I never had success with therapy until I met her. I also trust her and know that she's on "my side"; meaning she won't try to change me or "cure" me of Aspergers. She understands my paradigm and works with me instead of against me.

I have to write things down and make sure I talk about specific things or else I'll ramble and waste my session. My memory is very bad.

When choosing a therapist, make sure you are checking whether or not they specialize in adult Aspergers. It's different than dealing with kids. I remember choosing my therapist because she uses a lot of non-traditional therapies, including sand tray and stuff like that. I got tired of sand tray so she let me bring in my drawings instead. I learned a LOT about myself through her methods. I basically hit the jackpot when I found her and I feel so lucky.

It seems that I got very lucky, as this is my first experience with a therapist, as is my first experience with a psychiatrist. What I can tell you about both is that they are child psychologists/psychiatrists. I'm 33. I am of the opinion that a lot of my social / emotional maturity is still very much in the adolescent age, so I think that it makes them more qualified.

My therapist has done anything from having me play in the sand to drawing to playing with clay. She has never suggested that I socialize more to treat depression, but has suggested that I work on building a stronger routine for the day. She has been very big on pushing exercise, as well as personal interest time, as she feels they are important to reduce anxiety and make me better balanced throughout the day.

Interestingly, I've been going to her for a while, and she didn't recognize the aspergers. When I told her, she said that she was having trouble, as I didn't fit in any other category...but even without the label, she never tried to change me. More, she tried to make me accept me, and we worked mostly on my level of shame and disappointment in myself.

I am extremely analytical, I went to her with a majority of the answers already figured out. With that said though, I am not able to tell myself what others are thinking, only what my paranoid self thinks they are thinking. She has been great at giving me different outlooks.

So I guess it really depends on the therapist, and you may have to try a couple. Unfortunately, I think it takes a while before one realizes that they aren't going to be a good fit.

Funnily enough I did see a councilor when I was at school but that was mainly becasue I was taking a lot of recreational drugs, had an eating disorder and was basically going 'off the rails'.

The things that went on then have forever haunted my life but only now 16 years later can I look back clearly and see why certain things happened. Why did they never check if AS could have been the problem instead of handing me some pills and telling me they would fix it (which I never took anyway)