Socialising and Manipulation

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Socialising often seems to be very manipulative to me.

On thinking about bullies, they always seem to be people who are at the top of the social heirarchy. They seem to be socially popular. These people also appear to be very manipulative.

I do not have the social charm or skill to manipulate so I fail to socialise successfully.

Could the key to successful socialising actually be the art of manipulation?

Yes and no. Manipulation may get you to the top of the hierarchy faster, and you may appear to have more friends. However, those who are more sincere and genuine will find each other and will help each other out, it's just more difficult and takes longer. But you know the saying, slow and steady wins the race.

Perhaps manipulation is beneficial in the sense that we all somehow manipulate our environment to our satisfaction.

Paying close attention to what others are doing and feeling is important. And knowing how to relate to, and act on these feelings in others properly is called social skill. It's easier to concentrate on ourselves but that won't form social skills.

Just because you teach yourself to observe others doesn't mean you have to turn into a bully. You can actually use your power to be a good and helpful person. It's more of an NT thing to use your advantage to dominate and take advantage of others. But were there ever any aspie dictators?

If you're a good and helpful person then learning how to read and manipulate the situation for the benefit of all will make you an even better person.

Good luck,
denny

think of monkeys grooming each other and you have an animal example of social grooming.

it creates bonds, strengthens groups and establishes a hierarchy, all important traits in any community or society.

some people with AS avoid this social grooming Arse licking exercise by being better at what they do than the bug hunting monkeys….unless you have a special skill that others want or need, your gonna have to join in like everyone else, at the bottom and work your way up.

in any hierarchy there is stability at the very top or very bottom, the unstable manipulators tend to be just below the top or just above the bottom. the wanna be's watch out for these ones they want your job ( at the top) or want to make sure you stay below them in the hierarchy ( near the bottom). Everyone else is just there to pick nits.