I want to be assesed, but how to tell my mom?

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Like the title says, I want to be evaluated for AS, but I don't know how to ask my mother. She is very stressed right now, and I don't want to stress her out more. On the other hand, I am becoming more consumed with my interest (ironically classic Autism) and am having difficulty focusing on anything else (ie the upcoming AP exams). I have been so stressed that I haven't been able to face school since Wednesday, and I can't face my friend's birthday bash tomorrow (even though it is Doctor Who themed). She had previously said she would make me an appointment for summer, but a) I am worried she will forget/change her mind and b) I don't know if my grades and stress levels can survive that long. I am also very concerned with how the DSM V will affect my diagnosis. I have no problem being labeled Autistic versus Asperger's, but I don't want to not get a diagnosis because I may not fit the DSM V as well as I fit the DSM IV.

I also would prefer to go to my old therapist, as I am very comfortable with her, but she specializes in gender issues, not Asperger's, but I think she would give me an AS diagnosis, if she was comfortable in her ability to asses me (I don't know if she is or not).

Basically, I am stressed about my diagnosis, asking my mom, grades, and my mom's stress levels.
Help please?

Well, every case is different, but since I'm older, I can give my experience.

The more direct way would be to make a logical reasoning: "I'm obsessed with that. The best way to center in my studies is to solve the obsession. Once done, I feel relieved and I can fully focus in studies and exams. That way I feel happier and far more productive, so this is the logical choice". I had a similar experience, not the same obsession but the a similar situation.

Well, it's you who know your mother, but what happend to me was that trying to explain this logical reasoning to a stressed NT was a nightmare. The answer was, in a nutshell, "Stop saying crap and focus in you studies", in an angry mood.

In my opinion (I remark: my opinion) you have to be aware that you are dealing with a stressed NT and give up logic. I didn't, and I failed. Of course, dealing with an stressed NT is not obvious since they're not logical.

How could it be? Well, difficult to say. A stressed NT loses his ability to think in a logical way. It's not like a intelligent being anymore. Until he/she goes back to normal state and recovers the ability to make reasoning or behave as a intelligent being, he/she is more like a pet. So you have to emotionally manipulate them in order to provide the right answer (I call it 'NT training' ). Besides that, NTs use to be very empathic towards emotional states, and positive emotions make them feel relieved of stress.

So (in my opinion) you should manipulate emotionally her in order to get support to achieve your goals. Don't make claims to her since this will make her feel more stressed so she will rise her barriers. Tell her about how this is emotionally important to you. Tell her that you feel very stressed about it (a stressed NT uses to be empathic towards other stressed people). Prepare her emotionally: have the house perfectly clean, so he suddenly feel relieved, even give her some small gift. In a nutshell, it's not abot how logical is your claim, but how she feels emotionally when you claim it.

In my case I simply told her i have taken the AQ test and I'm in the aspie zone of it and i want to be assesed. If you do have aspie then it wouldn't be so hard because you wont care too much about her reaction. If its hard for you try and start talking about a similiar subject and navigate the conversation towards aspie and tell her that you took a test online (i can see by your autograph) that says you are probable to have it and say you want to be assesed .or you can simply use the element of suprise and drop the bomb on her wishing the shock will tender her reaction

Not sure whether it's much help, but I'd suggest relaxing about it. The truth is, the various syndromes diagnosed on the autism spectrum don't have a well-established etiology (meaning we don't quite know what causes it or even whether it's caused by the same cause in all people with the exception of a few rather rate genetic or chromosomal disorders) and they don't have all that effective treatments. Thus, apart from getting services, I'm not sure that getting a specific diagnosis or not should make a big differences in people's lives. In some sense, a diagnosis of high-functioning autism spectrum disorders really just is using some big words for saying "he's rather nerdy" according to a set of criteria.

If you're relaxed about it, that might also keep your mom more relaxed than if she has to worry how you'll react to getting or not getting a diagnosis. It's not cancer and it's not the measles (which you either have or don't have with certain consequences in either case). You might think a little about how you'd want to deal with a diagnosis or with getting no diagnosis. What would it mean to you? Would you use it to obtain services? Would you tell your friends?

The problem is I can't relax about it because I can't forget about it. I get "stuck" on things, certain thoughts, concepts, etc. It doesn't help my my special interest, obsession, whatever you care to call it, is ASD. My mom did talk to me today about it, and reaffirmed her willingness to get me evaluated, but would prefer to wait until summer. She suggested I channel my efforts into finding someone in the area to diagnose me, instead of getting in a loop of symptom research or DSM V articles.

I know it's not anything like cancer and services are not all that great. I am seeking the diagnosis so I can get unstuck, maybe get some counseling on anxiety, how to better interact with my peers, alternatives to pulling away when I am stressed etc. I don't really plan on telling my classmates/teachers unless necessary. They already know I'm socially awkward/weird/whatever, they don't need a medical term to describe me (they'd either think Einstein or Rainman, anyways). If I did get the diagnosis, I think I'd just be relieved. I mean, I am pretty certain that I have AS, have been since I was 13. It would kind of affirm to me that my brain is physically different, I'm not just a social failure.

One thing that I noticed in your posts is how you seem to define what you're doing a little bit through ASD terminology. For myself I'm not sure whether I'd find it helpful to say "my special interest is XXX" with the term "special interest" a reference to the somewhat belittling terminology of physicians talking about pathological cases they're working on. Why not try out something like "I'm quite interested in autism-spectrum disorders" for size? You're not some dude memorizing the phone book all day long (which in the age of Google arguably is a maladaptive "special interest"). The field you're interested in is a respected and important field of research and might well turn into an emotionally and financially rewarding career one day. (One step to that career, if I may say so, is indeed acing your APs.) We become, to some extent, what we're talking about.

I can understand how you'd find some relief from a formal diagnosis. Apparently many people report that they do. A diagnosis does not turn you from a "social loser" into someone with a "physically different" brain, though. Your brain and social skills won't change one iota from someone with an academic degree and a medical license telling you something you already know. So I'd say find yourself a practitioner in your area and make an appointment with your mom. No big deal, just some relief from confirmation of something you already know.

It's not on purpose, it's just more of...how I talk? I would consider "something I am interested in" to be something like Assassin's Creed: I play the games, read the wiki, get some AP Euro questions right because of it, occasionally talk about it. I'd consider something a special interest or similar when I read about it so long I forget to eat and I could easily keep up with the Undergraduate department of a university, or when I've read at least 54 EU Star Wars books. But I can kind of see your point.
And I know a diagnosis wouldn't really change me, it would just make me feel better/be able to move on. Thanks for the response.