can an nt therapist truly help an aspie?

Post Reply New Topic

i have my first therapy session tomorrow. when the psychologist diagnosed me, he said that i could benefit from therapy to deal with some of my aspie related problems. he then asked me to write down or make a list of what issues trouble me enough to want therapy to help me deal with them, and also how i'd be able to recognize if/when they're resolved enough to not need therapy for them anymore.

i've been trying to figure out how to state my "problems" and goals for a week now. i can't seem to see them as my problems and not problems with the illogical behaviors and reactions of the nt world. how can i put into words what i don't know? it's like asking a color-blind person what colors they wish to learn to see!! !

i experience difficulties with (but certainly not limited to):

sensory overload and needing solitude
nt's attributing an emotion to me that i'm not experiencing in a given situation
feeling like i'm speaking another language to nt's and having to translate english to english to english over and over and over again
nt's misinterpreting what i mean when i say what i mean
nt's not being specific or logical
becoming impatient or losing interest in what people are saying when they add embellishments to make their point "more interesting"
how to react when people idly chit-chat
social customs
and what's with all that hinting? can't nt's just say what they want? sheesh!

i'm sure there's much more, but i'm not certain how to elaborate on what i cannot seem to put into words.

....and how is it possible for an nt (even if he's a trained therapist) teach an aspie how to resolve issues that only an aspie experiences?! he can't possibly understand from the inside out what you and i experience on a daily basis?? i'm sure that quite a few of you reading this completely can relate to the "problems" i listed, but can an nt really understand? and without understanding, how can he begin to teach me what it is i'm not sure is something i need to know??! !!??

Well, there are definitely some things on your list that therapy is not going to help, except that you may be able to cognitively modify your responses (for example, to other people's behavior).

Regarding whether or not an NT person could help you, I ride the fence on that one. I used to work in psych and was very successful in working with people with eating disorders. Likely because I once had one. They could not trick me with certain things that they could trick a non-ED person with, and sometimes I think I understood their inner struggles better than a non-ED person possibly could. On the other hand, I also worked very well with people with chronic paranoid schizophrenia, something I have never had, nor has anyone close to me had. I once had one patient tell me "You are the first sane person who has ever made any sense to me." I don't know why, but I was really able to connect with most of them, even when they were grossly psychotic.

The things on your list that I think you could potentially tackle?

Learning to better communicate your emotional state to others
Learning to identify the other person's communication style so you can match yours to theirs (thus not having to translate English to English again and again)
Idle chit-chat skills
Decoding social situations

Or perhaps I choose those because those are the ones I think I could help you with if I were your therapist. Perhaps your therapist would choose differently.

NT therapists can help Aspies, yes. Some are better at it than others. Some are even very, very good at it. The best sort of therapist is one that understands that you truly are different, and that your solution may not be the same solution that would work for the therapist. Learning to work with "alien" minds like ours is a skill that some therapists are good at, but some aren't even aware is a necessary skill at all.

Many therapists work on the assumption that they are not there to solve your problems for you; they're there to help you solve your problems for yourself. They are people you can talk out your problems with, to get them into an organized picture so you can understand them better, and find solutions for them. Some philosophies of therapy are even based explicitly on the idea that the clients have within themselves all of the tools necessary to solve the problems in their lives, and that the therapist is there to help the client do what he is already capable of doing.

Find someone who will treat you with respect, who will focus on helping you find the solutions that work for you (rather than just making you act more "normal"), and who will listen to you if you want anything about the therapy to change.

So far, after various bouts of therapy and counselling over the years, not one has helped me. Granted they were general therapy and counselling, not Aspie specific, but I feel that NTs just don't know what it's like to be an Aspie and never will, so there is no hope.

I think they could help you, if you're receptive to what they say.

I cannot speak for all NT therapists, but the one I have been seeing for the past few weeks certainly does not understand my concerns. I bring them up and she waves them off without even dignifying them with a proper or understanding response. I chose her because she was one of the few on the list of recommendations from my insurance company who had a doctorate degree, which I foolishly assumed meant she had a greater understanding of autism. As it turns out, it only means you pay her more per session. She's disinterested and doesn't seem suited to listening to autistic patients. I'm in the process of finding another.

I think they can, if you come up with a list of problems you have and things you are not good at, and they understand that they are supposed to help you think of practical things to do about these things instead of telling you how great you are to increase your self-esteem and do nothing about your problems.

My personal opinion is no.

They can only help you identify the condition and give you a list of things you need to be aware of that are typical.

Aside from that, they have no frame of reference to help.

I remember most therapists I went to all tried to teach me how to fake being normal so id fit in, be accepted..have a normal life.

All looked dumfounded when I told them why would I want to live a lie.

Meh.

In my opinion, there must be some competent/open-minded ones that can help us in some way. If they are aware that the brain of a person with autism works fundamentally differently and try to understand that difference, then they should be able to figure out ways for us to have a happy life. It's like understanding a completely different culture. Some are too narrow-minded to understand it. Individual therapists are different. So, you might have to try a good number of them to finally come across one that respects you and is capable of helping you. I have seen some psychologists and psychiatrists for other purposes, but I deemed them all incompetent. That doesn't necessarily mean there are no therapists who are competent. It's just hard to find a competent one. Well, that's how I see it.

I've been through a lot of therapy over the years. I can say most were good people and I got *some* benefit - particularly for dealing with anxiety and immediate support when I was struggling - crisis intervention sort of stuff. I did all my "homework", was a "good" patient, but I felt like quite a throw-away in the end as I never 'resolved' anything. Now, I just work with my psychologist, hang out at WP and learn, peruse literature - and I do not believe I would go to therapy per se again unless the therapist had experience with autism spectrum and came recommended. But, that is me. If your psychologist thinks it's a good idea, then it is probably worth a try. The way I see it, my psychologist is an NT but he does a pretty good job at "translation" - he listens and he is honest and direct with me. Yes, I get frustrated sometimes because he is quite good I have high expectations from him and so it is disappointing when I realize he has missed something I thought he would understand. His experience and dedication to learning from his patients has gone a long ways, however. So, an NT can be pretty good. You never know - it might turn out your therapist is on the spectrum. It's worth a try, regardless.

One of the thoughts I'm toying with is that although going to therapy can help me organise my thoughts (somehow if I hear them out loud I see more logical connections. Am capable of a whole lot of double-think inside my head!), I have to be careful of the therapist who is quite directive.

As an Aspie I am very impressionable and if someone says something to me in a loud enough voice, I believe them, even if it is opposite to what I was orginally feeling.

So I would be careful of therapists who don't understand this about me. Have had a few!

However the act of therapy in general, even with an NT has been very beneficial for me.

My therapist is neurologically atypical but not autistic, she's helpful.

Thanks everyone. You all gave me very good points to consider.

Based on my original post, i came up with the following to give to the therapist when i get there. i leave shortly to go.


i've been trying to figure out how to state my "problems" and goals for a week now. i can't seem to see them as my problems and not problems with the illogical behaviors and reactions of the nt world. how can i put into words what i don't know? it's like asking a color-blind person what colors they wish to learn to see!! !

i experience difficulties with (but certainly not limited to):

sensory overload and needing solitude

nt's attributing an emotion to me that i'm not experiencing in a given situation

feeling like i'm speaking another language to nt's and having to translate english to english to english over and over and over again

nt's misinterpreting what i mean when i say what i mean. i simply say what i mean

nt's not being specific or logical

becoming impatient or losing interest in what people are saying when they add embellishments to make their point "more interesting"

how to react when people idly chit-chat

social customs

and what's with all that hinting? can't nt's just say what they want? sheesh!

i'm sure there's more, but i'm not certain how to elaborate on what i cannot seem to put into words.

i’d like to emphasize that i do not feel a need to “fit” into what the norm is socially considered. i always have been comfortable with my individuality. what i could improve upon, to make others less confused or befuddled by my behaviors and reactions to their behaviors and communications, by learning how to convey to them that some of my “quirks” are not a matter of personality, but rather an affect of my physical and intellectual make up, so that interactions might not wind up being as frustrating for all parties.




~ and so i ask myself now, "What would Sheldon Cooper do?"

Over the past 12 years i've had at least that many therapists. Out of all of them, finally i ended up getting an awesome psychologist who i really like. He was awesome, he told it how it was! If he didn't know an answer he would say he didn't know. He always told the truth about things in life and how things work. I trusted him, he's the only therapist/psychologist i ever trusted.
I went to him for years and he'd always give his honest opinion on me and things. It was so refreshing, being that i had been through so many therapists/psychologists in the past.
Finally he retired and i moved.

He was the best therapist and i am very lucky to have had such a good therapist!