How do you experience emotions?

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Recently I've been reading a book called Raising Your Emotional Intelligence because the psychologist I go to says it would be good for me to raise my EQ and the first exercise in the book is basically bringing yourself into a relaxed state and then to notice and focus on any feelings you may be having but I'm having difficulties. The author keeps on mentioning that everyone experiences emotions physically in their bodies and this is what the exercise is driving at, to get you to notice how you experience emotions in your body, but I don't seem to experience emotions like that. There was a questionnaire in the book (typical self-help kind of stuff) that asks you where you experience such things as anger and joy and all of my answers involved my brain or my face but the author makes it a point to say that this is wrong and that the right answers were all below your nose aka your body. I'm very frustrated/ worried that there is something wrong with me, perhaps I have deadened myself so much that I am incapable of feeling anything for instance, it is a frightening thought. I looked into other books about EQ and one said something along the lines of (I'm paraphrasing): "Everyone is capable of raising their Emotional Intelligence however there is some debate about those individuals on the Autistic Spectrum, there's not enough information to be sure". I suppose what I'm driving at is if this sort of program to raise EQ is something that an individual with HFA, like myself, is mentally incapable of doing and if I should stop wasting my time with it. Or is this just a problem on my end, how do you all experience emotions? Do you feel them as physical sensations in your body? Or, like me, are they something more cerebral for you?

Last edited by NeverMore8123 on 23 Apr 2013, 10:59 am, edited 2 times in total.

I don't understand how knowing the location of the feeling has anything to do with understanding it. I also thought people with alexithymia were the ones who experienced emotions as physical sensations.

As for myself I notice certain physical effects of my emotions when they're particularly extreme but I don't really associate it with parts of my body. Most people get the feeling of a pit in their stomachs at some time. That's a physical response to an emotion. I notice that sometimes but I feel like the emotion is separate and it's more my mental state and perception that I consider to be the emotion. The sinking feeling is related to the emotion but it isn't the same thing.

Another example is feeling weak in the shoulders and just wanting to collapse into a slouching position. I just feel drained. Heaviness is another sensation that I experience sometimes.

Positive emotions almost never have a physical sensation associated with them for me. I feel like I have more energy when I'm excited and in a way I actually do.

I get hand tremors when I'm very nervous but other forms of emotional distress have caused them at times.

EQ is an external measurement for the most part. It is what is measured by a test. However emotions as such can not be measured. EQ is measuring just the way we practically use emotions. Someone who can use emotions better will not always be more emotional about something, but is able to communicate those emotions better.

The author insists you must be able to recognize and then identify the emotions you are feeling in order to understand why you are feeling them and what they are telling you.



Very well said. What I consider emotions are mainly comprised of my mental state and perception and the physical sensations (there are few that are really noticeable to me like you said shaking when nervous or feeling heavy when tired) aren't really that relevant.

I fail Emotional Intelligence 101, 4sure.

Usually, I don't like 4, but I do like 4 when 4 substitutes 4 4 in words with 4 in them.

I'm with you. I feel anger and joy as a mental thing. Indeed, I feel most of emotions (unless sexual ones or general wellbeing) as mental ones. I don't see any problem with it.



WTF???

That there's some doubts about people in the AS being able to raise their EQ???

Do they have any idea how much people in the AS have to raise their EQ to fit in the neurotypical world? Do they know how much you have to learn to be assertive and understand NTs and don't expect that they understand you?

Put this book where it deserves: in the f*cking garbage.

I find EQ tests frustrating. I know how to respond intellectually to them, but any actual emotional response varies greatly. I don't think the latter will ever match the former, and even if they really should.

I don't feel emotions physically in my body. My emotions are in my brain.

I think most of these kind of books are written of extremely NT people (the "feeling" kind). They often tend to assume that their emotions and feelings should be felt equally by all other people. They are really good at putting everyone down who do not feel like they do.

They are probably able to place their feelings in their body (I am not, except the obvious ones mentioned above), that doesn't ´t mean you have to be able to do the same.

There are lots of these exercises in this kind of books. Some of them are ok some of them are stupid and some of them do not fit people on the spectrum! My favorite example is one of the mindfulness exercises:
The raisin exercise (link) Pick up a raisin and hold it in the palm of your hand. Look at it. Examine it. Describe the raisin etc. When I first heard about this one I found it ridiculous! I could do this without looking at any actual raisin because I have seen one before. Apparently most people do not note details about their surroundings. Apparently many people find this exercise good because "cultivating awareness and beginning to learn to focus on the here-and-now. It is about being in the present moment and not missing out on it."

There is also another exercise that I really do not like or rather it is the acting of the people doing the exercise that I do not like. It is about visualizing, if people have trouble visualizing they are asked to visualize their mothers face or something like it. But - I can not visualize (I know, rare) I do not have pictures in my head. But the people making these exercises are very visual and if somebody are not able to visualize something is wrong with them and they have to be fixed (I even saw a thread once, made by a teacher who thought that one of her pupils were defying her because he was not able to visualize, she talked about punishment!). Nothing is wrong with me! I just think in another way than they do.

What I am trying to say with these examples is that you will have to learn to take the things that you can use and then discard the rest (even if a professional tells you to read the book). Some of it is just not right for you because you way of thinking is different from these people. It is not wrong it is just different (and as somebody said, just because somebody is able to point to the place where their feelings are, does not make them better or more compassionate persons).

I'm pretty sure my emotions are created through my mind and then my body reacts to them. I don't know anything about how emotions are formed, though. Not really sure how I can identify my feelings better.