Digging my own grave today (not literally!)

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So I was on the phone today with the psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Asperger’s, discussing the merits of the diagnosis in light of a conflicting second opinion:

Dr: So, what did you score on those online tests again?
Me: Anywhere between 29 and 33.
Dr: {chuckling} What did it depend on, the weather?
Me: Well, I guess it depended on how I interpreted the questions on any given day. Sometimes I…
Dr: I was only joking.
Me: Oh.

So I relayed this to my husband, who laughed.

Me: Why are you laughing?
Him: Because it’s funny.
Me: Well, I knew he didn’t mean that it depended on the weather! I just didn’t know he was joking! Would YOU have known he was joking?
Him: Of course!
Me: How could you have known that?
Him: That’s where you and I differ. That’s how I endearingly refer to you as “gullible”
Me: Yes, but he’s a DOCTOR! How could I have known he had a sense of humor?
Him: Oh, right, we doctors are ALL curmudgeons! We never have any sense of humor!!

Luckily we were both laughing at the end of it.

Last edited by mikassyna on 15 Apr 2013, 3:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I would've interpreted it to be sarcasm, and I would have thought he mocked me.
In fact, just reading it made me annoyed and made me think "what an ***!"

That's what I was thinking too (although not the expletives part)--That's why I felt the need to explain myself. My husband thought it was funny though.
Maybe it's doctor humor? Very confusing.
Maybe the doctor is the one who is socially inept and not me? What a conundrum!

Sounds like a rhetorical question mixed with sarcasm. Whenever I try to explain myself or question one of those I get called Captain Obvious or Buzz Killington.

In general, the more social skills you have the harsher can humour get and still be considered "just for fun".

So some people can view actual sarcasm as "fun".

They might really think of it as "only for fun".

But the truth is that humour and sarcasm is used as a way of creating a pecking order between humans, just as the ones there are between animals, i.e. defining the structure of the hierarchical system, determining who has the higher social status etc.

The reason why aspies have a difficult time seeing it as fun is because they naturally see/believe in/understand the actual mechanisms behind the scene (what I refer to the scientific/objective truth). That is, they see the "fun" as a way of putting them down in the hierarchical system (and they are right scientifically).

That's what there is to it.

I can be sarcastic in fun with people I know are my friends but I am totally lost when it comes to people I don't know that well. Although my husband does get me mad sometimes when he pulls stuff like that and it's out of context or I just don't expect it.

My husband asked me "Why would he (your doctor) be sarcastic to you when you're his patient and he likes you?" And I said "We'll how could I know he likes me? You know, some doctors don't like their patients!" I could almost hear his eye roll over the phone, so I growled, "Maybe it's you doctors who are socially inept!!"

I don't get the title of this thread: how is not understanding the doc's verbal construct "digging your own grave?"

I thought "digging your own grave" meant making serious trouble for yourself. Does it mean something else?

That's what I was thinking too.

There is nothing wrong with sarcasm. Sarcasm can be great fun. But there is such a thing as "time and place", and the doctor's office isn't it.



You're right, mikassyna, there are doctors who certainly act like they don't like their patients. I once had to see a doc who mocked me when I had to have a very minor procedure. It wasn't more than cutting open my ear lobe, but I was 14 and anxious and she had no patience for my fear, and when I felt pain despite the painkiller she had injected me with, she snorted and said I sounded like a little kid. That's very poor bed side manners. Even my mother was upset by the treatment she gave me, not that she could be bothered to speak up for me though, but she told me afterwards that "being sarcastic to a scared 14-year-old is completely unnecessary".

Only you know how your doctor comes off when you see him and whether he acts like he doesn't like you or not. But just because you're his patient, doesn't mean he likes you. Nor does his comment necessarily mean he doesn't.

Also, something I forgot to say in my first post: your husband called you gullible for it?? Sounds like the polar opposite to me. When you're used to getting certain types of comments, you're gonna expect more of the same when that part is triggered.

I agree. I was merely explaining it the way it is in case it was impossible to view sarcasm as fun. But what is "time and place" for one person might not be "time and place" for another. That's all I'm saying.

For some aspies it's rarely the "time and place" at all. It all depends on the individual.

Personally I don't find it appropriate at the doctor's office either.

In the context of the situation I was making light of the situation but fell flat on humor.
Basically, the doctor called me on the phone to discuss the other diagnostician's conflicting second opinion of my being dx'd with AS (the other doc didn't think I had it, stating I have "autistic traits" but not enough to qualify as having an ASD as a primary dx), among a few other issues. Anyway this doctor I spoke with on the phone has a very highly regarded reputation in the field of ASDs and believes I have AS. Given the way the phone conversation turned out, it most likely cemented in his mind his dx of me with AS given I didn't get his humor when I took him at his word. That's all I meant in the title of this thread.
My husband felt that the doctor liked me, as he was there at the evaluating session. I guess the doctors have their "camaraderie" which I either forget or fail to pick up on.

We were on the phone, so it wasn't a formal session. Just a follow-up on some issues. He is a very good natured fellow and that's why my husband thought I was being clueless. Maybe it was just an unfortunate miscommunication on both ends. Anyway, he probably thought I was being Aspergic when I didn't get his joke. Afterward I was just like, "Oh I can't believe I just did that with HIM." These sorts of "miscommunications" happened frequently with me as a kid, and I used to get teased for them quite a bit.

So, in this case, "digging your own grave" meant confirming your diagnosis?

An interesting choice of words!

Yes, a bit dramatic and probably not the best title, but heck, I was "under the gun" when I wrote it LOL

Sounds like a typical aspie response to something like that. Probably exactly what he was expecting. Certainly the kind of response he would have gotten from me.

I myself would have regarded his "weather" response as non sequitur and would have felt compelled to elaborate since his out of context comment seemed to indicate he wasn't following what I was saying.

Only in hindsight, I might get what he was up to.

His remark sounded like a non sequitur to me, also, not to mention completely unnecessary. "What did it depend on...?" Why would he ask such a thing? If he knows about ASD's, he must have at least a working understanding of those online tests, right?

I might have seen the joke, but I would not have understood his "reason" for it.