Why Some Aspies/HFAs Have A Difficult Time Dating

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First of all, let me state this is my theory. First of all it hinges on the belief that the primary purpose of life is to procreate.
Men pursue athletics to show that they are good breeding stock; women become cheerleaders to show that they also would be good breeding stock. Men pursue wealth to show that they would be good providers for their mate and off-spring. We as Aspies/HFAs are not good breeding stock. We are flawed in the sense that we have a hard enough time providing for ourselves much less off-spring. We also have traits that potential mates would not want to see passed on to their off-spring. If one views dating as auditioning for a mate, this makes sense.
The purpose of this idea is to stimulate thought; what are your feelings on this?

In places where "aspie qualities" tend to be more accepted, such as Silicon Valley, there tend to be more aspies. "Geeks" are desirable mates in SV because they pull down the big bucks there, so they are more likely to find a mate. A woman is hard wired to look for a good provider in her choice of a male mate, so it would be natural that she choose a male who is successful and fit, since those qualities have traditionally stood for a good provider. I happen to think that many women go for "bad boys" because aggressive, violent males were once more likely to catch food. Think of the qualities that make a good hunter-aggressive and violent. It's a throwback to our hunter-gatherer roots iow.

I've gotta admit - when I started gymnastics I wasn't thinking about being good breeding stock. As they didn't have ballet in my high school I figured gymnastics was the next best thing. Nevertheless, much of what you said seems correct. But that's not unique to mankind, though. Even males of various animals have to fight each other to be the dominant male in their group and hence have the best looking female. Lions do it. Panthers do it. So why can't we? Just a side note, though. In a few bird species, it's the showier males all bedecked in flowering plumes that attracts the prize hen.

I've never wanted to date a guy who was into athletics; those guys hold no appeal for me whatsoever. If I do decide to date again, I'd rather it be with a guy who was more into intellectual pursuits. Brains over brawn--that's how I look at things.

I can only speak from my own experience but what I've found out is relationship requires expectation and commitment, that creates pressure and can raise anxiety. Aspies aren't very good with coping with that, not to say there aren't some who are. Then there are sensory issues with being touched and such, I suppose there isn't much you can do with somebody who isn't willing to be held. For me, it's difficult to even hold hands and what my partner wanted required a lot of touching, not going into detail but it should be obvious what I mean. Sure there are ways to work around something like that with patience and understanding but with the combined strain of it being so hard to express oneself, it can feel helpless. Not to say it's completely impossible because I do believe anybody can find love if they really try. For me, I was dating another aspie and we both kept making so many mistakes and had a failed communication and at this point, no matter how in love we fall, it seems futile.

I have had trouble dating because I do not recognize when others are flirting with me. I do not always even realize I am on a date when I am on a date. If I do know I am on a date I do not know what to do. When a relationship is a possibility I find myself creating distance from said person because relationships feel claustrophobic to me.

I don't really know how to maintain a relationship, and I do not particularly crave one.

In my case, I think it is more of a lack of willingness to really open up.