Letting it all just hang out

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Reading threads about controlling stimming, trying to appear 'normal' in society and suchlike, I propose the opposite. Let it all be known. Make it a point of honour to consciously be the eccentric that I am. Let people know. If they recoil in horror when confronted with some fact about my ASD, I provide them with an even more 'horrifying' detail. Its quite liberating. Then again I am in my 40s and am less prone to the unpleasantness of social acceptance, peer pressure and suchlike.

Never heard it put better! We are what we are. If that's not good enough for them, they're the one with the problem...

Good idea, its not like playing their NT games and living behind an NT mask got me anywhere in life.

I agree, I think it's much more empowering to be who you naturally are. I find it distasteful that society either tries to force those who are different to conform or hide them away and ignore them. In fact that is exactly the problem - because they are hidden most people are ignorant about these issues so they react with fear, disgust or confusion when they meet someone who behaves in a way they don't understand. If everyone was educated about what autism is (and how harmless these behaviours are) there wouldn't be any problem. It's the ignorance that is the problem, not the autism/stimming/etc.

Having said that, I think if you are someone who does things which would be considered socially strange a lot you need to be clear and open about the fact that you are autistic to everyone (making sure to mention it as soon as someone begins to respond with discomfort, and/or wear something which indicates you are autistic, etc). People are understanding when they know your behaviour is because of a disability, but not always so much when they are left to their own conclusions.

Letting it all hang out is what I've been doing the last four years or so. I think when there's something mysterious about you people get all weird about it. They jump to wrong conclusions that are no better than what one is trying to hide. People at first reacted the way people react when someone makes a complete transformation. I was trying so hard to be as conservative straitlaced conformist as I could be and putting myself under a ridiculous amount of strain over it. It didn't gain me any friends. Didn't make me any richer. Didn't benefit me in any way whatsoever. So I went back to my true self that I had been suppressing the last 20 years.

What I wanted to avoid in the beginning in revealing my autism was looking like an attention seeker trying make myself into some kind of "poster child". But then I started thinking about autism awareness and making people aware along those lines. Not for myself, but for autism awareness.

I think we apply an inordinate amount of stigma to our autism. When I started coming out about it, it was like I was revealing some deep dark secret. Something that needed to be whispered to someone behind closed doors. What a bunch of malarkey. It's just autism, not the bubonic plague. Nobody is going to run away screaming. Things have been so much better with me being me and letting it be known what me is. I'm hoping somewhere along the line I can touch someone's life who's affected by autism. Somebody with it, or maybe the parent of a child with it, whoever.

Of course like the OP said, it's a lot easier when you're middle aged to pull this off.
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Last edited by briankelley on 20 Apr 2013, 5:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

I've posted this somewhere, but my belief is different.

If they want to know why I might do things a little differently they can ask and I'll tell them I'm autistic/aspergers. Only about 3-4 people have asked me straight out whether I had some sort of special needs, and they never treated me differently when I told them! Life is too short to worry, especially about how you're made as you can't change it. I just get on with life whether I'm being normal or not.

Last edited by Chrisicus on 20 Apr 2013, 7:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

I actually made friends for the first time in my life since I started allowing myself to be more autistic in public!

The trouble is, that it may be their problem, but they can make it ours by making us deal with their reaction.

What about arranging a large meet up of loads of Aspies, all stimming en masse - that'd keep 'em quiet!

I never force myself to act "normally".
It's not because I hate society or because I have an AS pride; it's not completely my choise, but it's rather because I can't fake or copy.
I can only act on my instinct. I've always acted on instinct, and I've never been able to follow or copy others. I can't help it.
However, I'm quite content with my life.

As I was only recently diagnosed, I have done this all my life and been called weird and eccentric or thought of as stand offish. I am not going to change now, the diagnosis just means I know why I am called odd. It is taking some coming to terms with and I am not ready to go public but when I am accused of being weird next, maybe I will 'come out'. I really feel, though, that we should be proud and not try to conform with expectations.

Agreed! I have been let it known since i was a child in grade school. I cannot hide who i am anyway, it is obvious to those that i am not a NT.

Also people have befriended me throughout all the years (i am early 30s now) since they liked me for me, the real me. Not me being a fake NT attempt or anything like that.
My eccentricity is part of me, it always has been, i wouldn't change things for the world.

I would rather have it out in the open as opposed to having to "hide" who i am. When people have to "hide" their true selves it creates problems later on.

In a way like a lie. If someone tells a lie, they have to keep lying to keep up the lie and get wrapped in it.

I like to live my honest open "me" life
Most people are nice and sometimes i think some people feel more open talking to me as i have laid it all out there. As in, they can relate to different issues or things.

Our neighbor's son is Bi-polar, our other neighbor has her own issues. I think she feels better talking to us knowing we will not judge.

*clap clap* Well said, good chum.

I try to behave normally, but in the end I think I act more odd because I probably don't know what normal is. Now I just don't bother.

The only thing I would change is my face-blindness.
It "all hangs out" on a daily basis.
I wish there was a public awareness campaign and a "not being rude" badge or something as recognisable as a white cane.
A combination of this:
that plays "Who are you? Who -who who who" would be a start

I agree in principle but, for me at least, a large part of how uneasy I feel around people is to do with feeling judged when people look at me. Maybe I shouldn't care but I have been striving to appear 'not-weird' for something like 20 years so I don't even know if I could be 'myself' around people. Good on you if you can though!

I've got no clear idea how 'normal' I'm coming across to the average person anyway as you don't get any feedback

Ignorant types seem t pick up that i'm different very quickly but looking different isn't the same as acting different in my opinion
so I'm never clear on whether it's that I look different or a combination of looking and acting differently

When some people say they'd never have guessed I had Aspergers/Autism I find it very confusing given the overt reactions of others

I've never had anyone say they think I have this or that condition to my face, it's just a general awareness you're drawing attention/curiosity/ridicule off different people

So I'd say my normality is situation and person-dependent rather than a fixed state

I'm normal to me but to others it seems to vary widely

I don't know what I could do to be 'more normal' as anything I've tried always gets mixed results eg smiling more

I wouldn't feel at ease smiling all the time though

if I get better responses from smiling it doesn't encourage me to smile more as I feel false doing it as I don't feel these
welcoming feelings towards other people - I don't want their attention on me full stop

Then other times if I smile when I have to interact with people they can sometimes not be friendly back and you think 'What's the point?!'

People generally make life too hard going for me for me to want to make any great efforts to impress them with attempts at 'greater normality'